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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip boom boom boom boom boom boom


                                            
Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Thirds Day, September 29, 2010.  Thirds Day is, of course, the holiday on which We celebrate famous third members of trios/trinities/trilogies, such as Curly, the Holy Ghost, Jack, Pop, Mary, and Ollie.

(We will be kind enough to pause here for station identification, to give you all a chance to be sure you knew the threesomes (heh) in question.)

Happy birthday to Rose Sha-Na-Na, the mother of the famous Sha-Na-Na brothers, who sang such hit songs as “Get A Job”, although never to Us. Despite the fact that Mrs. Sha-Na-Na is Jewish, the Catholic schools in Our neighborhood appear to have given their little no-neck monsters the day off in her honor, and great frolicking and merriment are occurring directly outside OurVeryHouseWhereWeLive. Muzzle tov.

(Heh.  “Muzzle tov.” We kill Us.)

This being, apparently, Our month for visitations, We were yesterday called upon by Our former boarder from 2010.  In reviewing Our epistles from the period during which he brightened Our humble abode, We find that We were uncharacteristically reticent in holding forth upon his very existence.  This was in keeping with Our mission to keep Erix Daily Horoscope from ever becoming about Other People, not because We are vain, but because We wish to avoid legal action. So We probably never told you that his name is MonkeyNipples.

Astute Readers (SSL for short (Stute as a Second Language)) will notice that there was absolutely no point to the preceding anecdote.  You forget, however, that Erix Daily Horoscope functions as Our diary in addition to amusing your asses.  Also that it is a Red-Letter Day around here when We are paid the least bit of attention, as We cannot get most people to answer Our phone calls, emails, texts, tweets, or smoke signals.



And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: Daniel Radcliffe’s dirty laundry. (We could explain why Daniel Radcliffe had to be in here today, but then We’d have to kill you.)  Alternatively, the HorrorScope:

Your emotional side is out in force right now, and that could mean that you’re feeling a bit shaky — or maybe a bit cocky!  (Or maybe a bit cocktail shakery!  With a side of random exclamation points!!!)

Whatever it is, you may be a step or two out of sync with your peers.  (Well, as long as you’re in sync with your pets.  Or, alternatively, petting ‘NSync. (Because there is no day so perfect that it cannot be improved by a random Justin Timberlake apparition.))

Nothing is going to be to certain today, (Are you sure about that?)

(Heh.  See what We did there?)

so it’s not the best time to make firm social plans. (In which way does “petting Justin Timberlake” NOT involve “firm social plans”?)

You might end up having to reschedule at the last minute — or, even worse, you might end up being stood up!  (DAMN that callous Justin Timberlake!)

There will be plenty of opportunities to prevent bad decisions today, as many folks will be asking for your advice. (Luckily, we can run everybody’s life but Our Own.)

Reassure people that their instincts are right, (You stink just right.)

and be as positive and as encouraging as you can.  (You’re not really quite as stupid as you think you are. Did your parents have any children who lived?)

With the giving mood you’re in, this won’t be difficult.  (Actually, it’s  a THANKSgiving mood.  Because We are surrounded by turkeys.)

(Why We don’t have a job writing Hallmark™ cards, We’ll never know.)

Knowing what you’re searching for makes it easier to find it. (Wow, Kelli.  Just wow. MENSA called; they’ve elected you president.)

Spend some time today thinking about what you’re really looking for in a partner.  (We have said it before, and We shall say it again:  a penis and a pulse.)

Be realistic and honest, (Where’s the fun in THAT?)

but have fun, too. (Oh, shut up.)

Then go on and answer the ads that seems to be just right for you.  (Personal ads?  Really?  Why do We even HAVE an Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist?)

 (Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)
                            
*****************************************************************************
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.


Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Have you never been mellow?



Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Tootie from The Facts of Life, September 27, 2011. Happy birthday to absolutely no one.  And thanks for the big Welcome Back yesterday…nice to know how truly We were missed.  It’s a good thing We do this to amuse Our Own Self.

Our mind just wandered to wonder if Kim Fields is related to the chocolate-chip-cookie Fieldses, and, if so, mmmm….cookies.

Our mind doesn’t get out much.

In other news, you will recall that We were visitated recently by TCBITWWW, who is currently doing PR for one of the few remaining network soap operas.  We shall call it Search for Another World to protect the innocent.  Not that there’s anybody innocent on a soap opera, but you know what We always say: ignorant until proven Goldie Hawn.  Search for Another World had A Very Special Episode yesterday, which We watched this morning on Our computer.  We are going to attempt to keep Our addictive personality in check; We’ll let you know how that goes.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: if Totie Fields had played Tootie, nobody would have ever wanted to know the facts of life.  Alternatively, the HorrorScope:

(Naturally, We shall pause first, to allow all of the youngsters to go Google Totie Fields on WikiPedia.)

Get started on something new today -- it could be almost anything, as long as you're working as part of a team.  (Oh, please. We do NOT play well with others.  Hadn’t you heard?  There is no Royal We in “team”.)

You may be leading or following, (We are thinking that We should know which one We’re doing before We start.  Things will likely turn out better that way.  Just a thought.  Asshat.)

but together, you're quite strong!  (It’s morning.  We’ve not showered yet.)

 Go out early today and invest in a new pair of comfy pajamas and slippers, because you need to devote yourself to complete relaxation. (Then why would We be going shopping?  Do you even THINK before you spew any of this rubbish, Kelli?  Jeebus.)

Turn off your aggressive energies, (Shut up.  Bitch.)

say ‘so long’ to going the extra mile (Sarong pell-mell auf wiedersehn Dubai…)

(Welcome to Sing-A-Long ESL Sound of Music.)

and simply put your feet up. (Can We put them up somebody’s ass?  Can We tapdance then?  This day just gets better and better…)

 Today is all about being mellow (They call Us mellow yellow Annette Funicello.)

(What?)

and removing the word ‘deadline’ from your vocabulary. (Here’s a cunningly linguistic question for Our nakedly skimming Zen Buddhist readers who enjoy speaking in tongues: what happens if you remove the word ‘vocabulary’ from your vocabulary?)

It might be difficult for you to let go and allow other people to handle things, (That depends on what things you’re talking about.)

but you need to take a step back and turn off your engine.  (But first, We’ll need to buy a car.)


 You definitely have a connection with a certain someone.  (From your lips to God’s personal assistant’s BlackBerry™’s voicemail.)

Even if you can’t express it in words yet, (Deadline vocabulary smorgasbord frabnasticator.)

you know that spark’s growing into something hot. (That’s what happens when you rub two Boy Scouts together.)

A forest fire? (Only you can prevent Forest Whitaker.)

 Maybe not. (Clearly Our highly-trained professional Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) is now using the ever-so-scientific Magic 8-Ball™.)

 But you could be in for some smoldering embers. (Smoldering Embers being, of course, the name of a geriatric stripper.  (Don’t think about it too long…you might hurt yourself.))



 (Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)
                            
*****************************************************************************
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.


Monday, September 26, 2011

We’ve only just begun


 Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Montana Moorehead, September 26, 2011.  Happy birthday to Michael, who turned twenty-four yesterday.  And happy birthday to anyone who turned twenty-four during Our hiatal hernia.

But now We’re back from outer space, We just walked in to find you here sitting on Mary Kay Place’s face…yes, ladies and genitals, you clamored, and We’ve returned.  We’re not quite sure what your clams had to do with it, and We’ve had to extend Our definition of “clamored” to include “crickets chirping”, but hey.  What’s some stench of spoiled seafood amongst friends, eh, Ducks?

(We shall have to pause here for a muumuu, as a fully-formed character named Ducks L’Orange has just sprung forth from Us, much like Athena from Zeus’s foreskin.  (Is it just Us, or are the Greeks a dirty, dirty people?))

So how exactly is it possible that, last week, We didn’t publish Monday or Tuesday, then published recycled episodes from 2010 Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and, other than the people with whom We normally communicate, We were the recipient of exactly two “wuzzup?”s? We feel As though We should be sitting about in Our wedding dress, eating cat food directly from the can. (That last bit was, of course, a little hairy allusion to British author Charles Dickbreath’s masterpiece, Great Expectorations. Because We got cultchah.   (If you don’t believe Us, run a cotton swab over Us and stick it in your Petri dish.))

(We shall have to pause again, as We are pretty sure that somebody out there just remembered who Montana Moorehead is.)

Speaking of things that barely seem possible, how is it that, last week, We also sent an email to eight people, and duplicated same as a SitOnMyFaceBook message, and have yet to get a response from a single one of them?

Meanwhile, last week, whilst We were busy not publishing original episodes of Erix Daily Horoscope, in between sending out futile emails into the abyss, We participated in a documentary fillum about the making of The Wedding Consultant, got paid for a two-hour focus group about Our financial situation, interviewed the creator of Heavy Metal Dance Fag to find out what a successful Fringe show is like, and had a visitation from TCBITWWW, thereby proving that slime fries when you haven’t funds.

And no, those of you who managed to ignore the entire run of The Wedding Consultant are NOT forgiven.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: Sally Field in a turban (NOW do you remember who Montana Moorehead is?).  Alternatively, the HorrorScope:

Someone is causing problems today, (Well.  How very specific.)

and you need to figure out what to do about the situation. (No.  As Our Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist), you need to TELL Us what to do about the situation.)

You may not be able to handle their agitation with outright threats, so try something subtler.  (Much as Leona Helmsley was The Queen Of Mean, and Margaret Hamilton was The Queen Of Green, and Karen Carpenter was The Queen Of Lean, WE are The Queen Of SuBtlety.)

(Speaking of witch (heh…see what We did there?), if you think you like two different people, get ‘em together in the same place at the same time, and you’ll soon sort out how you really feel.  It’s like comparison shopping.  Or test driving.  Or Double-Coupon Day.  One of those.)

You can reach an important compromise in a power struggle with an authority figure today. (How boring.)

(We just accidentally typed “Howboring” as one word.  Which made it look like a name.  Glenda Howboring-Smythe, or some such.  Administrative assistant to Ducks L’Orange.  (If We keep this up, We shall have written an entire play by the end of this horoscope.  Because We know how you all love when We write plays.))

If you both agree to follow the path of least resistance, you’ll soon see that your goals can align. (Is this a horoscope, or a physics lesson?  Whichever it is, it’s a really boring one.)

A detour could put you in the right place at the right time, so allow yourself to get lost a little if time permits. (We would point out all the things that are wrong with that sentence, but We fear Our turban would pop off from the strain.)

The support you’ve been giving to so many people will start to come back to you today. (Yeah.  We’ll just sit right here and hold Our breath.)

Utilize the shoulder that’s being given to you. (All the body parts in the universe, and We get a shoulder.  Sigh.)

It’s okay to lean!  (How unfortunate that We’ve already told a Karen Carpenter joke.)

 Is there someone you’d like to pair up with your best friend? (Are We in junior high school?  Fuck no!  There’s someone We’d like to pair up with Us.  (Is it just Us, or does the use of The Royal We in that sentence make it sound like a threesome?))

When you help others, you may be rewarded for your actions in unexpected ways. (That sounds suspiciously like a threat…)

You never know who’s waiting to be introduced to you! (But We’re pretty sure it’s not Leona Helmsley, Margaret Hamilton, or Karen Carpenter.)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)
                            
*****************************************************************************
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.


Friday, September 23, 2011

Gypsies, tramps, and counterrevolutionaries



Greetings, Earnest RevolutionaryIdolizes Che ---

(Micro$oft  Weird™ appears not to know who Che is, suggesting, if you can imagine, that We replace him with Cher. The revolution is gonna be a whole different ballgame with gowns by Bob Mackie.)

Here is your horoscope for Thursday, September 23, 2010 (After ten years and twenty seasons, CBS moved Survivor from Thursday to Wednesday.  Now We never know what the fu(k day it is anymore.):

(In other news, you can go herehttp://www.delawarescene.com/event.php?id=4014  to get FIVE DOLLAR tickets to see the WaitStaff’s Real Housewives of South Philly at the Wilmington Fringe.  Also, We are appearing this Saturday night at 7PM in some theater at Ursinus College for the low, low price of FREE. Are We two-bit wh0res, or what? (If you will be in the vicinity of Uranus College, ask Us for actual details.))

(Speaking of wh0ring, here’s Everybody’s Favorite Messiah, Jesus H. Christ, with His YouTube video:


)

(Our-O-Scopes:)

You won't see it unless you've got a keen eye for details and subtle signals, but there is most definitely a major change coming your way -- and soon. (Oh, please.  In Our life, “major change” means We found a nickel in the gutter instead of a penny.)

Pay attention, (I’m sorry…what?)

(Heh.  See what We did there?  We got a million of ‘em. (Mainly because nobody will pay for ‘em, and We can’t even give ‘em away.))

and think of what you could accomplish over the next two weeks if you really put your mind to it.  (Yeah, but what happened to “a mind is a terrible thing to waste”?)

You've had all the bickering you can stand. (Although We could certainly do with a good dickering. And it’s high time We hung out with friends on Pickering Wharf.  Presumably while liquoring, dickering optional.  (Dunno ‘bout you, but We clearly feel another children’s book coming on.))

You're ready to deliver an extremely terse good-bye. (You say goodbye, and We say hello.  Hello, hello.  We don’t know why you say goodbye; We say hello.  (Oh…did We get that song stuck in your wittle heads?  Too bad, so sad, @nal s3x with your dad.))

Just be sure you don't rush out immediately to find yourself another worthy opponent.  (If they are opposed to Us, they are, by definition, UNworthy.  Don’t you know who We think We are?)

Better grab power naps while you can. (In between gingersnaps, while wearing stocking caps, and emptying lobster traps.  (Again with a NewEnglandese reference.  We really should hurry and get there before they close for the winter…))

 In two short weeks, (Wait…they’re shortening the weeks now?)

you'll need all the energy you can muster. (Yeah, We’re not so much on the mustering.)

Oh, and vitamins wouldn't be a bad idea, either.  (Also, cocaine.  (We are marching to Euphoria…))

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com
Cowgrass…melts in your mouth, not in your hands)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

You can ring my beh-eh-ell, ring my bell





Greetings,  Entenmann’s™ Raspberry Inspires Carboloading---

(Micro$oft Weird™ doesn’t think “carboloading” is a word.  Micro$oft Weird™ has apparently not noticed Our @ssz eclipsing the sun.)

Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, September 22, 2010 (We have absolutely nothing to report, but We got email from OurShaun in London, England, Britain, UK yesterday saying that he “loved” yesterday’s horoscope.  And, since Our wit wasn’t particularly scintillating, We are guessing that what he loved was the Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Crème Brulee Nanette Fabray Robert Goulet Why Do The French Love Jerry Lewis.   So, since We have another one like it, We thought We’d share.):

(Also, Happy Hump Day. If you are humping, We don’t want to hear about it.  If you are humpbacked, on the other hand, you can ring our bell.)

(In other news, you can go herehttp://www.delawarescene.com/event.php?id=4014  to get FIVE DOLLAR tickets to see the WaitStaff’s Real Housewives of South Philly at the Wilmington Fringe.  Also, We are appearing this Saturday night at 7PM in some theater at Ursinus College for the low, low price of FREE. Are We two-bit wh0res, or what? (If you will be in the vicinity of Uranus College, ask Us for actual details.))

(Speaking of wh0ring, here’s Everybody’s Favorite Messiah, Jesus H. Christ, with His YouTube video:


(Our-O-Scopes:)

You need to reach out and help your friends who are in need — and there may be quite a few of them! (Alright, you needy b1tches, line up for gruel.)

You probably won’t get too much done of your own business, (Well, We suppose not.  All this damn gruel ain’t gonna make itself.)

but you should have plenty of time tomorrow. (Also, your son’ll come out tomorrow.  Bet your bottom dollar he’s a bottom.)

In a gaggle of geese, you’re a swan. (What the fu(k is THAT supposed to mean?)

In a clutch of hens, you’re the head bird. (The word you’re looking for is “cock”.  (Come (heh) to think of it, the word MOST of Us are looking for is “cock”.))

(A-doodle-doo.  Also, yabba-dabba-doo, and a little dab’ll do ya.  BOO-yah!)

(What?)

In a flock of nightingales, you’ve got the sweetest and most powerful voice. (Also, We taste like chicken.  Really OLD chicken, but still.)

Yep, (“Yep”?)

you’re kind of a natural leader type. (Also, this is Our natural hair color.)

And right now, you’ve got just the right inspiration as to where to go and how to get there. (Why is it getting so warm in here, and what are We doing in this handbasket?)

This inspiration will turn you into a 100 percent bona fide top bird. (Kiss Us quick, We’re Tippi Hedren.)

So go ahead and crow until everybody listens. (Or possibly Mary Martin. (If you actually got that, you are (A.) very, very old and (2.) gayer than Liberace’s purse fu(king Charles Nelson Reilly’s ascot in a field of pansies while Paul Lynde’s Tuesday panties look on and sip a banana daiquiri with an umbrella in it.))

You’ve got great creative flow and vision  (Quick…who’s got a Maxi-Pad™?)

— which is ideal for work, but also great for any romantic endeavors. (Is it just Us, or is there absolutely nothing romantic about an “endeavor”?)

Dream up a hilarious message to someone special, (Your entire family has been eaten by rabid dogs!)

(It strikes Us that that sounded like a fortune cookie message and, as such, should definitely end with “in bed”.)

or issue the perfect invite! (Hey, We already made gruel for all you needy b1tches…what the h3ll else do you want from Us?)

 (Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com
Have you driven a cowgrass lately?)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

At last all too well I can see where we all soon will be




Greetings, Entourage Repulses Indiscreet Celebrity---

Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, September 21, 2010(Oh, my dears.  We attended a focus group last night, where ten of the dullest people on this or any other planet sat around talking for two hours about cable television.  The dullness, the tedium, the ennui…We kept praying for a cigarette break.  We actually went to the rest room at one point, just so We could talk to Ourselves and possibly stay awake.  (Eric Junior told Us a joke.  He’s funny that way.  (Not so much “funny: ha-ha” as “funny…he spit on me, so I broke his neck”. (We would repeat the joke, but it was too dirty for polite company such as yourselves.  (Hey, We’re telling you Our p3nis told Us a joke…did you think it WOULDN’T be dirty?)))):

(That’s a whole lotta stuff about d1ck so early in the morning.  In other news, you can go herehttp://www.delawarescene.com/event.php?id=4014  to get FIVE DOLLAR tickets to see the WaitStaff’s Real Housewives of South Philly at the Wilmington Fringe.  Are We two-bit wh0res, or what?)

(Speaking of wh0ring, here’s Everybody’s Favorite Messiah, Jesus H. Christ, with His YouTube video:

)

(Our-O-Scopes:)

You need to keep things close to home today — in fact, it’s best if you do as little as possible. (You should be so proud of Us…We were going to run away to DownaShore for a couple of days this week, but We decided not to spend the money that We don’t have.  So We’re staying home and being cranky.  Yay, Us!)

Your energy is just right for quiet, domestic tasks (Should We darn a  sock or tat a doily?  Decisions, decisions.)

or for just chilling in front of the TV. (Season premiere ofGlee…problem solved!)

 It’s pretty hard to plan for the future (When it’s been cancelled.)

when you don’t have a solid understanding of what’s happening in the present. (Wait…there are presents?)

Oh sure, you kind of have an idea of what’s going on (Heh. Fooled YOU.)

— heck, (“Heck”?)

you know as much as most people do. (Somehow, with “most people” being the fu(king morons that they are, We don’t find this comforting.)

But you are a deep, psychologically insightful person, (BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAH!!!)

and you have the tools to really, truly grasp what your current world looks like.  (We’re not exactly sure how much help a Phillips head screwdriver is going to be in this instance.  Should We go buy an adz?  Or will this monkey wrench suffice?)

(Micro$oft Weird™ is suggesting that, instead of an adz, We might want to buy an ad.  Apparently, Micro$oft Weird™ HAS met Us after all.  (Although, having suggested that, why is it now claiming that “ad” is misspelled?  And suggesting, as a replacement, “ad”???  Micro$oft Weird™ is…well…WEIRD.))

If you do this, then you greatly enhance the chances that the plans you make will be relevant and effective. (Is it just Us, or do “relevant” and “effective” plans sound like no fun whatsoever?)

So go to it!  (We keep getting distracted by bright shiny Internetz…didja know it’s Larry Hagman’s birthday?)

Patience is hard to come by (When you’re an ARIES, you fu(king moron.)

when dealing with your love life today. (Wait…We have a love life?)

Can you try to wait it out? (Oh, see, We must have misunderstood you the first time…We’ve been trying to WEIGHT it out.  And, judging from the size of Our @ssz, We’ve been doing an excellent job.)

Letting things unfold naturally, (What kind of advice is this?  Do you sit around waiting for your laundry to “fold naturally”?  We don’t think so.)

or letting them come to you, (Insert dirty joke told by Eric Junior here.)

 is the best way to go for now. (Well, THERE’S a self-help book that nobody’s gonna read.)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):
http://www.humorscope.com
 There’s always room for cowgrass)