Google+ Followers

Monday, April 30, 2012

Tequila!



Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for MungDay, April 30, 2012.  Happy birthday to Francicso, who turns twenty-four today.  Also, happy birthday to Billy, who does NOT turn twenty-four today, but who is the third person in under a week whose birthday We have mentioned who is birthdaying in MaryLand.  If We are not careful, We are going to get a reputation.  And people will start calling Us NancyPants. 

(We just this minnit made up “NancyPants”, so naturally We had to run off and Google it on Wikipedia to see if We ACTUALLY made it up, or if it had been made up before Us.  Naturally, it was a pre-existing condition, but, oddly enough, according to Urban Dictionary, it has two distinctly different definitions depending on whether One uses it as one word or two.  Oh, the things We learn here at Erix Daily Horoscope!)

(According to Micro$oft Weird™, We have also made up “birthdaying”.  Since when is “birthday” not a verb?)

(While We were Googling, We also Googled “mung” to see what that poor bean ever did to get called that.  We learned nothing whatsoever about mung beans, but We heard for the first time of the computer geek acronym “MUNG”, which stands for “modify until no good”.  Which is also Joan Rivers’ plastic surgeon’s motto.)

Ba-DUMP-bump!

We know a fellow who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

Here is a link to Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope: Taurus: which you can use to share it with your very own personal friends who are currently birthdaying, be they MaryLandish,  NancyPantsic, or MungBean.  (The “Bean” in “MungBean” should, in this instance, be pronounced like the “-bian” in Nubian or lesbian.  (Although, now that We see it in print, We much prefer the alternative spelling.  To whom must We speak to propose a change to NuBean, LesBean, and OrsonBean?)): http://youtu.be/KlqQw4TppqY

Also, We promised YouPeople an exciting announcement regarding everybody’s favorite sketch comedy troupe, the WaitStaff, and here it is!

The WaitStaff Plays The Match Game!

The most hilarious, bawdy, risque game show from the 70s, 80s, and 90s returns with a spin that only the WaitStaff could give it! Featuring icons such as host Gene Rayburn and celebrity players extraordinaire like Charles Nelson Reilly and Bret Somers, as well as WaitStaff favorites like Jesus H. Christ and The Real Housewives of South Philly's Duchess, along with a few Extra Special Guest Stars, including the lovely and talented Sharon Geller and the talented and lovely Peter Patrikios, We'll be rocking L'Etage on May 2, 3, and 4.

The shows are at 7:30, and the doors open at 7. Tickets are $15, but, if you mention that you heard about the show in Eric’s Daily Horoscope, you'll get in for $10. And, if you're up for it, you could even be a Match Game contestant and win Fabulous Prizes! 

Tickets are ONLY available at the door, so get there early, get your drink on, and GET READY TO MATCH THE STARS!!!

We do hope to see you there.  (Here is a link to the SitOnMyFaceBook event, if you’d like to let Us know that you’re coming: http://www.facebook.com/events/377171015666589/ )


And, because its brilliance cannot be overstated, Our new motto:  Uranus is Our Rosebud.

And now, the HorrorScope:

Your exuberant energy (Our who?)

may cause friction with friends or colleagues today, but you should be able to avoid sticky situations without too much trouble. (What are We missing?  We thought the whole POINT of friction was to wind up in a sticky situation.)

Make sure you’re polite about it all!  (Buttah wouldn’t melt in Our mouth.  (What the hell does that even MEAN?))

Sometimes, even when you’re not looking for a new romance, one comes along and taps you on the shoulder. (Yeah.  That happens.  All the time.  Just never to Us.)

 But make no mistake (We thought We made a mistake once, but We were wrong.)

 — if that happens today, you have a choice. (Thank CHRIST!  Can We have an abortion, even though We are not pregnant?)

Go down this intriguing path only if you want to. (“Intriguing path” is, of course, a euphemism…)

Have faith that if it happens once, it can happen again. (“Déjà vu” = re-runs of The View. Discuss.)

Do not involve yourself in any type of emotional entanglement unless you’re completely ready.  (We are ALWAYS ready, thanks to Suave™’s Emotional Conditioner…)

(Why We don’t book commercial work, We’ll never know.)

If you’re not ready, trust that this person will wait for you to be ready.  (Who exactly is “this person” again?)

Stem the tide of isolation.  (Isn’t that an old Janis Ian song? (That whooshing sound you just heard was all the chirren running off to Google “Janis Ian” on Wikipedia.  (Although, by Our new rules proposed earlier, her name should now be JanisEan.)))

After all, you’re really a social dynamo in disguise  (Yes, we are disguised as an ottoman.  And not the kind with an empire, neither.)

— you’re just on a downswing right now. (Downward spiral, more like.)

So don’t be picky. (Can We be finicky?  Or can We be a choosy mother? (They choose Jif™, you know.  (No word yet on what choosy motherfuckers choose.)))

Accept every invitation that comes your way. (Who let all those crickets in here?)

Even if it sounds corny or dull, say yes. (Corny Ordull was, oddly enough, the valedictorian at Our high school.  Tall, skinny boy he was, with an ENORMOUS penis.  He played the Jews harp in the marching band.  (No one ever asked him to do that, but they couldn’t get him to stop.)  He came to a tragic end in an autoerotic mishap with a motorized trombone.  Herb Alpert spoke at his funeral, for reasons which were never made clear. )

You’ll be glad you did. (Sometimes, Kelli is just so eloquent.  And sometimes, she’s just quent.  This? Is one of those times.)


 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
                            
*****************************************************************************
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.




Sunday, April 29, 2012

Come on honey let's play the match game…you strike me and I'll be the flame




Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for SunDayFunDay, April 29, 2012.  When the hell is UranusDay, that’s what We want to know.  Happy birthday to Jim, who turns twenty-four today.  In MaryLand.  Didn’t We just do MaryLand jokes the other day?  Just how Mary are We, anyway?  (Don’t answer that.)

Mary had a little lamb
Between two crusts of bread.
She would have had a little more,
But the lamb was not quite dead.

That just came on…er, TO Us this very minnit.  We love when We get creative spurts.

 Also, happy birthday to Stephanie, who also turns twenty-four today.

Well, We promised YouPeople an exciting announcement regarding everybody’s favorite sketch comedy troupe, the WaitStaff, and here it is!

The WaitStaff Plays The Match Game!

The most hilarious, bawdy, risque game show from the 70s, 80s, and 90s returns with a spin that only the WaitStaff could give it! Featuring icons such as host Gene Rayburn and celebrity players extraordinaire like Charles Nelson Reilly and Bret Somers, as well as WaitStaff favorites like Jesus H. Christ and The Real Housewives of South Philly's Duchess, along with a few Extra Special Guest Stars, including the lovely and talented Sharon Geller and the talented and lovely Peter Patrikios, We'll be rocking L'Etage on May 2, 3, and 4.

The shows are at 7:30, and the doors open at 7. Tickets are $15, but, if you mention that you heard about the show in Eric’s Daily Horoscope, you'll get in for $10. And, if you're up for it, you could even be a Match Game contestant and win Fabulous Prizes! 

Tickets are ONLY available at the door, so get there early, get your drink on, and GET READY TO MATCH THE STARS!!!

As you can see, We are so excited, We can barely contain Ourselves.  Why, We’re creatively spurting all over the place!  We do hope to see you there.  (Here is a link to the SitOnMyFaceBook event, if you’d like to let Us know that you’re coming: http://www.facebook.com/events/377171015666589/ )

(If you are a naked skimmer, some of the following may also be news to you.  If you are a nearby naked skimmer, perhaps We shall come to your house, sit on your lap, and read it TO you.  Won’t you be surprised to learn that W e move Our lips when We read?)


Above, of course, is the twelfth installment in Our duodecad (We feel smarter every time We say that), Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscopes: Taurus.  Below is a retrospective of How We Got Here.

We would be extremely grateful if you would share this video with your friends by putting this link http://youtu.be/KlqQw4TppqY on their SitOnMyFaceBook pages.  In fact, for every time you share this video, We promise not to eat one Ethiopian child for lunch.  Put THAT in your soup dish and slurp it, Sally Struthers.

Here’s that retrospective…click on a video or two.  Tiptoe through the tulips of the past:

GEMINI:  Where it all began.  Gad, We were windy back then.  The most memorable thing for Us about this e-pissode was an on-set accident that occurred just before We began filming, in which We smashed Our nekkid left big toe into a piece of furniture.  So, in Our opening credits sequence, which appears in each and every video, when you see Us walking down the stairs, it will amuse you to know that Our left shoe is full of blood, Our left big toe is swollen to the size of Daniel Day-Lewis, and We are in terrible pain.

(How many of you perverts are now trying to figger out what exactly the size of Daniel Day-Lewis is?)


CANCER: All We remember about these next two is that, in a burst of efficiency and brilliance on the part of Our director, We shot them both on the same day.


LEO:

VIRGO: Never ones to rest on Our laurels, We decided to change it up for Virgo, which was also the first clear indication of the serial nature of Our storyline.  The appearance of The Angel in the thumbnail for this video predicktably piqued Our audience’s interest (see what We did there?).  We are pretty sure We shot Libra on the same day.


LIBRA:


SCORPIO:  We definitely shot these next two on the same day.  We are particularly enamored of the Halloween art direction in Scorpio, especially the pre-credit teaser.  Pre-credit teasers become more common from here on out, while the reading of the birthday wishes is retired in favor of a scrolling list.  Also, the cameraman character becomes gradually more defined, in anticipation of his upcoming special e-pissode.

(All of these musings are available to be quoted(for a small fee) as footnotes by those doing masters’ theses or doctoral dissertations on the subject of Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscopes.)


SAGITTARIUS:


CAPRICORN: Here is the aforementioned special cameraman e-pissode.  This was so much fun to shoot, and We mostly recall Our director making one impossible thing after another happen with demented ease and glee.  (“Demented ease and glee” really should be the name of something…but what?)  In addition to its contribution to Our storyline, it is funny to Us that this is, quite parenthetically, Our Christmas e-pissode.  Merry!


AQUARIUS:  This is Our last “normal” e-pissode, and, as such, We have almost no recollection of actually shooting it:


PISCES: We were so fortunate to get to work with Barrymore-Award-winning actor, Michael Doherty, on this e-pissode.  Because We’re connected like that.  Some day, he will be famous, and he will have to pay Us a metric fuckton of money to destroy every copy of this video and deny that it ever existed.  No amount of money, however, can cause Us to unsee looking down his pants:


ARIES: And, of course, Our most recent effort prior to the incipient Taurus, which caused one Gentle Reader to inquire who the actor playing Our mother was.  Sigh.


And We’re outtie!  Happy weekend!



 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
                            
*****************************************************************************
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.


Saturday, April 28, 2012

Tiptoe through the tulips with me





Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for SaturnDay, April 28, 2012.  When the hell is UranusDay, that’s what We want to know.

Above, of course, is the twelfth installment in Our duodecad (We feel smarter every time We say that), Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscopes: Taurus.  Below is a retrospective of How We Got Here.

We would be extremely grateful if you would share this video with your friends by putting this link http://youtu.be/KlqQw4TppqY on their SitOnMyFaceBook pages.  In fact, for every time you share this video, We promise not to eat one Ethiopian child for lunch.  Put THAT in your soup dish and slurp it, Sally Struthers.

Also, stay tuned to these pages as early as tomorrow for A Very Important Announcement regarding everybody’s favorite sketch comedy group, the WaitStaff.  Here’s a hint, for astute readers Of A Certain Age:  Gene Rayburn.

(What the hell is a stute?)

Here’s that retrospective…click on a video or two.  Tiptoe through the tulips of the past:

GEMINI:  Where it all began.  Gad, We were windy back then.  The most memorable thing for Us about this e-pissode was an on-set accident that occurred just before We began filming, in which We smashed Our nekkid left big toe into a piece of furniture.  So, in Our opening credits sequence, which appears in each and every video, when you see Us walking down the stairs, it will amuse you to know that Our left shoe is full of blood, Our left big toe is swollen to the size of Daniel Day-Lewis, and We are in terrible pain.

(How many of you perverts are now trying to figger out what exactly the size of Daniel Day-Lewis is?)


CANCER: All We remember about these next two is that, in a burst of efficiency and brilliance on the part of Our director, We shot them both on the same day.


LEO:

VIRGO: Never ones to rest on Our laurels, We decided to change it up for Virgo, which was also the first clear indication of the serial nature of Our storyline.  The appearance of The Angel in the thumbnail for this video predicktably piqued Our audience’s interest (see what We did there?).  We are pretty sure We shot Libra on the same day.


LIBRA:


SCORPIO:  We definitely shot these next two on the same day.  We are particularly enamored of the Halloween art direction in Scorpio, especially the pre-credit teaser.  Pre-credit teasers become more common from here on out, while the reading of the birthday wishes is retired in favor of a scrolling list.  Also, the cameraman character becomes gradually more defined, in anticipation of his upcoming special e-pissode.

(All of these musings are available to be quoted(for a small fee) as footnotes by those doing masters’ theses or doctoral dissertations on the subject of Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscopes.)


SAGITTARIUS:


CAPRICORN: Here is the aforementioned special cameraman e-pissode.  This was so much fun to shoot, and We mostly recall Our director making one impossible thing after another happen with demented ease and glee.  (“Demented ease and glee” really should be the name of something…but what?)  In addition to its contribution to Our storyline, it is funny to Us that this is, quite parenthetically, Our Christmas e-pissode.  Merry!


AQUARIUS:  This is Our last “normal” e-pissode, and, as such, We have almost no recollection of actually shooting it:


PISCES: We were so fortunate to get to work with Barrymore-Award-winning actor, Michael Doherty, on this e-pissode.  Because We’re connected like that.  Some day, he will be famous, and he will have to pay Us a metric fuckton of money to destroy every copy of this video and deny that it ever existed.  No amount of money, however, can cause Us to unsee looking down his pants:


ARIES: And, of course, Our most recent effort prior to the incipient Taurus, which caused one Gentle Reader to inquire who the actor playing Our mother was.  Sigh.


And We’re outtie!  Happy weekend!



 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
                            
*****************************************************************************
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.


Friday, April 27, 2012

There was something in the air that night, the stars were bright, Fernando





Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Faberge, April 27, 2012. (Faberge is, of course, French for “Friday”.  (That’s not true. (We’re assuming (thereby making an ass out of you and Uma Thurman) you knew that.) Although it may be Pig French.  (You know, like Pig Latin.  Does Pig French even exist?  We would guess that it doesn’t, as all of their words already end in –ay, but then and again, We’ve met a few Frenchmen…)))

Before We mercifully change the subject and put you out of your misery (and into the cock-a-doodie car, Mister Man (heh…didn’t see THAT coming, didja?)), here, as a courtesy to Our Religious Readers (as opposed to  Our Readers who read Us religiously, which is an entirely different concept), is the entire Bible, in Pig Latin: http://www.museumofconceptualart.com/ible-bay.html  Because One can, apparently, find absolutely anything on the WorldWideInterWebNetz.

Happy birthday to Dena, who turns twenty-four today in MaryLand.  (WHO said they thought THIS was “MaryLand”?)  Also, happy birthday to Israel (the person, not the country) who also turns twenty-four today, in THIS country, but on The Other Coast.  In San Francisco.  Speaking of MaryLand.  Here is a link to their Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope: Taurus: which you can use to share it with your very own personal Taurean friends: http://youtu.be/KlqQw4TppqY

Additionally, Happy Arbor Day to the rest of you.  Except those of you in Greater Bostonia, whom We wish Happy AhBah Day.  Which, We now notice, is only a few vowels shy of Happy ABBA Day.  Which sounds like a much funner holiday.  Trees being all nice and all, but unable to make One dance.

Have you noticed lately that instant gratification takes too long?

Meanwhile, the winner of yesterday’s audience participation contest was OurMizDonna, who, in response to “Charming is your middle name”, riposted, “And Charmin™ is yours”.

Also also, stay tuned to this space for A Very Important Imminent Announcement concerning everyone’s favorite sketch comedy troupe, the WaitStaff.

And, because its brilliance cannot be overstated, Our new motto:  Uranus is Our Rosebud.

And now, the HorrorScope:

(Okay, not only Arbor Day, Ahbah Day, and ABBA Day…but also Jessica Alba’s birthday, and thus Alba Day?  (Are We still relevant if We’re only accidentally relevant?))

You start something rolling that really takes off — and it could be a big coup for you!  (Okay, that is either a reference to the aforementioned WaitStaff project, or a really intricate fat joke.)

See if you can find a way to launch your latest scheme with the help of those closest to you.  (The WaitStaff project?)

Your outer self and inner self will not be in sync today, but you can overcome the disparity if you take things slowly. (The fat joke?)

(The suspenders are killing Us.)

(Heh.  See what We did there?)

The good news is, you’ll probably be looking fantastic. (So either it’s NOT the fat joke, or Kelli is a chubby chaser.)

The bad news is, you probably won’t be feeling fantastic. (On ABBA Day?  Don’t you believe it.)

Give yourself extra time in the morning (How?  By stealing it from the afternoon?)

— sleep in a little bit if you can — and try to get challenging tasks out of the way as early as possible. (We did that yesterday.  Ordered a new battery for Our cell phone, We did.  Our cell phone, which is currently permanently affixed to an electrical outlet next to the couch.  Thus making it the world’s most inconvenient landline.  Sigh.)

Set aside the afternoon for relaxation, (Ommmmmmmm….)

and give yourself time to get back to normal.  (Yeah.  Good luck with that.)

Eyes are the window to the soul  (And Uranus is the window to the rectum. (Rectum?  We nearly KILLED ‘em.))

— and now more than ever, this is totally apparent. (But not, for all of Our Hayley Mills Fan Readers, A Parent Trap.)

(No, We don’t have any idea what We’re talking about.  Why do you ask?)

So whenever possible, connect visually. (Don’t you mean viZZZually?)

Wink, stare, gaze or arch the brow.  (Is it just Us, or does that sound exhausting?)

Let the exchange of mutual admiration begin.  (Lettuce hope that “exchange of mutual admiration” is a euphemism.  And lettuce hope that there are bodily fluids involved.)

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
                            
*****************************************************************************
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.