That's because he's smarter than the average bear.

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Wednesday, January 16, 2013.  (Wasn’t it just Wednesday recently?  Like about a week ago?  Funny, that.  Not, of course, so much “funny: ha ha” as “funny: you wouldn’t think she was the type of girl to have learned to shoot ping-pong balls out of THERE”.)  Happy Hump Day, or, as Theda Bara once said, “It’s like déjà vu all over again”.  Silent fillum aficionados will recall that she said that in a silent fillum in which she stole a picnic basket.   We cannot, unfortunately, recall the name of said silent fillum at the moment, but perhaps one of Our Gentle Readers will refresh Our memory.

Urban Dictionary just informed Us of this: Studies show that people are 72.9% more likely to believe sentences that start with “Studies show…”.  Also, 84.3 % of all statistics are made up on the spot.

So, speaking of fillums, we are supposed to be speaking of fillums.  In fact, We have been threatening to speak about fillums for two days now.  We have been a proud union member of the American Federation of Television  and Radio Artists (AFTRA) for many years now.  In 2012, AFTRA merged with the Screen Actors’ Guild (SAG), so now We are a proud member of that, as well.  And, just recently, DVDs have started appearing in Our post…in anticipation of the upcoming SAG Awards, We are being sent copies of fillums in current release For Our Consideration.

We would like to draw your attention to one fillum in particular:  Silver Linings Playbook.  We aren’t going to tell you anything about it, as We knew nothing about it when We sat down to watch it, except that Robert DeNiro was in it, as was Bradley Cooper, although We weren’t entirely sure who Bradley Cooper was.  But we shall tell you that you must see this fillum at your first opportunity, and We do not think Our opinion was in any way influenced by the presence of An Attractive Gentleman Caller From The Wrong Team.  And naturally, YouPeople always do everything We tell you to.

Please  share  Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscopes: Capricorn  video with a friend.  (Extra credit points if it’s a gay friend.):

http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM

In other fillum news unrelated to Our Consideration For The SAG Awards, We attempted to slog through whatever the latest Batman atrocity is called (The Dark Knight Does Something Allegedly Different Than The Crap He Did In The Previous Atrocity ?). Unfortunately, Christian Bale is no more Batman than We are, there was some animatronic supervillain with an unexplained metal face, and not even the presence of Our future ex-husband Joseph Gordon-Levitt could get Us through more than forty-five minutes of this three-hour abortion.

On a positive note, We highly recommend Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones in Hope Springs.

See?  That wasn’t nearly as painful as you thought it would be.  And We know all y’all just can’t wait till We’ve seen Les Miz.

And here are the HorrorScopes:

In other news, what could possibly go wrong on Ethel Merman’s birthday?  (Please don’t answer that.)

This is not the best day to start something new — especially if any paperwork needs to be signed!   (What Kelli is probably trying to tell Us is that Mercury is in retrograde.  Which might be easier to say by saying, say, “Mercury is in retrograde”.  AssHat.)

(This just in:  apparently, Conrad Bain just died at 89.  Consequently, here’s this (which IS safe for work):

)

Just try to push things forward one more day so you can review and get a better sense of what’s expected of you.   (Wait…We’re expecting?  So THAT explains why nothing fits!  The old Immaculate Contraption trick.)

 Negative energy has been growing in your social circle, and today it will still be unclear as to what you can do to fix it.  (Something was unclear yesterday as well, wasn’t it?  There are only so many times We are willing to do the same damn joke, Kelli.  (Fortunately, We have yet to reach the limit of however many times that is.))

You need to stop examining the tension so closely and try to put it out of your mind.   (Mmm-hmm.  Like if We say, “don’t think about pink elephants”, what’s the first thing you’re gonna think about?  ExACTly.)

Let this problem unravel. (Or knot.)

(Heh.  We kill Us.)

 A solution will reveal itself on its own timetable.  (We have a coffeetable, but no endtables.  Where the hell is the timetable?  (Bill Cosby played Cliff Huxtable, but the relevance of that is debatable.))

It might even blow over soon and you’ll never even know what the deal was. (Oh, no, ya don’t.  We’re not blowing anybody unless We KNOW what the deal is.)

You’ll just sense that the negativity has gone (No it hasn’t.)

(Heh.  SWWDT?)

and that everyone is smiling and happy with each other again. (If you’re happy and you know it, share your meds.)

Try to keep all your communication strictly platonic for the time being.  (Since we’re mainly talking to Ourself, that shouldn’t be a problem.)

Offers of assistance are perfect, but just stay low-key, get to know people better and give your karma a little boost at the same time. (Lance needs a bump!!! (Only a few people will get that joke, but too bad, so sad, anal sex with your dad.))

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                    

It’s just a jump to the left

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for  SayerDee, December 8, 2012.  Happy Hanukkah to Chaka Khan and her friends, Happy Feast Of The Immaculate Contraption to McDonna and her immaculate contraption-feasting friends (also, eeeuuuwww), Happy Birthday to Aaron, who turns twenty-four today, and also Happy Birthday to Bryan, who also turns twenty-four today, and Happy Birthday to Ian Somerhalder, who is gorgeous, and Happy Birthday to Flip Wilson, who is dead.

Our ass is pooped, and We have Things To Do.  This blogging-every-day crap is for Lady Bird Johnson.  So as soon as We do a little housekeeping (blog-wise), We will be treating you to A Very Special Encore Presentation of last year’s Pearl Harbor Day blog.

Here, in case you missed it yesterday, is where to get tickets to Heavy Metal Dance Fag:

http://www.annenbergcenter.org/tickets/?id=265#

Here, in case you’ve missed it every day since November 25, is the link with which to share Our Sagittarius video with your friends:

http://youtu.be/6f1m5GLfk1Y

Meanwhile, this just in from Helen Keller on Twitter (Why, yes, We DO follow Helen Keller on Twitter; thanks for asking.): 

Helen Keller ‏@Helen_KelIer

That awkward moment when a guy asks me if I'm currently seeing anyone.

Helen Keller ‏@Helen_KelIer

Mom sent me to the corner store to get milk. I get back 4 days later with a carton of orange juice. FML.

Helen Keller ‏@Helen_KelIer

Beethoven was deaf. So fuck all y'all.

And now, climb into the Way-Back Machine with Us as We revisit Pearl Harbor Day 2011:

Pearl’s a singer; she stands up when she plays the piano in a nightclub

(Hmmm, We said (in 2012)…where have We heard THAT recently?)

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for HumpDay, December 7, 2011.  Why, it seems like only yesterday (because it was) that We were making pearl necklace jokes, and suddenly here it is Pearl Bailey Day.  Tyne Daly fries when you slap her son.  Seventy years ago today, a Chinese food delivery went horribly wrong, and everybody was hungry again a half an hour later.  It was a day that will limp in infancy; it was the best of times, it was the Sunday Times; Jimmy craps corn, it’s in your hair.

Hey, what do you want from Us?  We have just finished writing the script for Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope: Capricorn edition.  And, as Our director/auteur/cinematographer/visionary/cameraman/muse is his own self a Capricorn, it promises to be extra special.  Or extra crispy.  Or something.  Please don’t strain yourself pretending to care, though; it’s not like you’ve broken your neck to watch this:

Or to share it with others:

http://youtu.be/e2dPKHOC8RI

And now, nice weather We’re under, no?  Here’s the HorrorScope:

Your hard work is finally starting to pay off, so kick back and see if you can get your people to celebrate with you. (We do hope that, eventually, We meet these “people” that We allegedly have, if only to chastise them for their constant inactivity on Our behalf.  To say nothing of Our bewhole.  (No, really…say NOTHING.))

It’s one of those days (Innit though?)

when your energy is better spent doing something new.  (Or something nude.  If only We weren’t writing Our fingers to the bone by day, and rehearsing Our boners to the finger by night, all to amuse YouPeople.  And do you share Our videos?  Do you buy Our tickets?  Do you tote Our barges, or lift Christian Bale?)

If at first you don’t succeed — well, you know the drill. (We’re pretty sure that’s not how that saying goes.)

But keep in mind that although this saying is trite, it’s absolutely true. (That’s why they sometimes say things are “trite but true”. (They also, although less frequently, say “this tutu’s tight”.  (Because ev’ry-thing…is bul-em-ic… at the ballet.)))

(If you are now singing that last bit in your head?  You are gay.  And not just a little bit gay, neither.  You are as gay as Paul Lynde in a pink feather boa fistf**king Charles Nelson Reilly in a lavender chiffon evening gown while Liberace’s poodle throws pansy petals at them.  At the opera.)

Perseverance is the only surefire way to get what you deserve in life. (Semi-automatic weapons are good, too.)

Ending a journey when you’re only halfway through is merely a waste of time. (Might as well just stay home, eh?)

You might have to wait longer than you want for results, but there is no way to rush destiny. (Although you might be able to rush Destiny’s Child.)

(That was a little pop culture reference, to prove that We have Our finger firmly on the pulse of pop culture.  And Moms Mabley.)

 You have to keep moving toward it, (And what was “it”, again?)

even if it turns out to be farther away than you thought.  (Well, if it’s that far off, don’t even tell Us what it is till We get there.  We’ve had enough disappointment to last a Lifetime TV Movie.)

Enthusiasm and passion are among your most fabulous traits, and now you can exercise them to their full extent.  (It is unclear whose horoscope this has suddenly become, but We’re pretty sure We’re not in Kansas any more.)

Unleash those powers of persuasion on whoever’s caught your eye. (Insert one-eyed hooker joke here.)

(Here endeth the blast from the past.  Stay tuned for another one tomorrow, as We will be in church.  (Hey, they’re new to the Holidailies™ people.))

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                    

It was fascination, I know

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for JustAnotherManicDepressive Monday, January 30, 2012.  We shall just be e-pistling a short e-pissode this morning, as We have A Very E-xciting Day ahead.  Not only are We shooting the Pisces e-pissode of Starzina’s Time Of The Month Horoscope, We are shooting with A Very Special Guest Star.  We see you shiver with e-nticipation.  But no, We’re not telling!  You’ll just have to wait.  With bated breath.  And baited hookers.

We know We’ve been through the “bated breath” thing before, so there’s no need to go through it again.  And, briLLLLiant though it is, We have no time to further develop the running e-word gag. So:

Speaking of Oscars™, share Our fillum with your friends:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovOtlxcnC50

(How was THAT for a goddamn segue?)

Also check out the other videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/RickinPhilly?feature=mhee

And:

Here’s the HorrorScope:

(We just found out that it’s Christian Bale’s birthday.  Which inspires Us not a whit, a jot, or an iota.  Sigh.)

Try to arrange a meeting today (We already told you:  Shooting.  Very Special Guest Star.  Capricornian Cameraman.  Brilliance and hilarity will ensue. (Who the hell is Sue?))

— your skills are at their peak, (But where are Our pills?)

and you may find that people are more willing to listen to your side.  (Well, good.  Because if they don’t wanna listen to Our side, We’re gonna play ‘em a song on Our ass, and nobody wants THAT.)

Even those who can’t quite understand you are sympathetic.  (Morons.)

 Your ardent curiosity does more than just satisfy your mind — it often inspires others, too. (Eve Arden’s curiosity, on the other hand, inspires no one.  Because she’s dead.)

Share your passion for a certain band, movie, fashion designer, food, magazine or novel with someone else today.  (Way to narrow it down, bee-yotch.)

Preferably, choose someone you’d like to show an intimate side of yourself to. (Yeah.  Because nothing says “intimacy” like telling somebody what magazines you like to read.)

Give them this glimpse into what fires your imagination, (Wait…Our imagination has been fired?  That certainly explains a great deal.)

and you will give them a good idea of the kind of intellectual heat you offer. (Is it the kind that could make toast?  Because, mmmmm, toast.)

In all probability, they will offer to share something with you.  (Of course they will.  People are always sharing with Us.  Share, share, share.  It’s like a fucking horn of plenty around here, with all the damn sharing.)

You make the unreasonable seem like a good idea and, (That’s Us:  Making The Unreasonable Seem Like A Good Idea.  Since 2001.)

on you, whimsy and impulsiveness come off as charming. (Unfortunately, Our whimsy is at the cleaners, and Our impulsiveness doesn’t quite fit right any more.  So good luck with that charming bit.)

 Most people have to work at recapturing playfulness, but you naturally know how to have fun. (Which  is why We have so much of it.  Mixed in with all the sharing.  Lucky, lucky Us.)

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

                            

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

Pearl’s a singer; she stands up when she plays the piano in a nightclub

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for HumpDay, December 7, 2011.  Why, it seems like only yesterday (because it was) that We were making pearl necklace jokes, and suddenly here it is Pearl Bailey Day.  Tyne Daly fries when you slap her son.  Seventy years ago today, a Chinese food delivery went horribly wrong, and everybody was hungry again a half an hour later.  It was a day that will limp in infancy; it was the best of times, it was the Sunday Times; Jimmy craps corn, it’s in your hair.

Hey, what do you want from Us?  We have just finished writing the script for Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope: Capricorn edition.  And, as Our director/auteur/cinematographer/visionary/cameraman/muse is his own self a Capricorn, it promises to be extra special.  Or extra crispy.  Or something.  Please don’t strain yourself pretending to care, though; it’s not like you’ve broken your neck to watch this:

Or to share it with others:

http://youtu.be/e2dPKHOC8RI

In still other news, the WaitStaff’s Christmas show Tuesday, December 20 at 8PM at Helium Comedy Club: The Real Housewives Of South Philly Occupy Christmas… BUY. TICKETS. NOW:  https://www.seatengine.com/venue/helium-comedy-club/event/897  . 

And now, nice weather We’re under, no?  Here’s the HorrorScope:

Your hard work is finally starting to pay off, so kick back and see if you can get your people to celebrate with you. (We do hope that, eventually, We meet these “people” that We allegedly have, if only to chastise them for their constant inactivity on Our behalf.  To say nothing of Our bewhole.  (No, really…say NOTHING.))

It’s one of those days (Innit though?)

when your energy is better spent doing something new.  (Or something nude.  If only We weren’t writing Our fingers to the bone by day, and rehearsing Our boners to the finger by night, all to amuse YouPeople.  And do you share Our videos?  Do you buy Our tickets?  Do you tote Our barges, or lift Christian Bale?)

If at first you don’t succeed — well, you know the drill. (We’re pretty sure that’s not how that saying goes.)

But keep in mind that although this saying is trite, it’s absolutely true. (That’s why they sometimes say things are “trite but true”. (They also, although less frequently, say “this tutu’s tight”.  (Because ev’ry-thing…is bul-em-ic… at the ballet.)))

(If you are now singing that last bit in your head?  You are gay.  And not just a little bit gay, neither.  You are as gay as Paul Lynde in a pink feather boa fistfucking Charles Nelson Reilly in a lavender chiffon evening gown while Liberace’s poodle throws pansy petals at them.  At the opera.)

Perseverance is the only surefire way to get what you deserve in life. (Semi-automatic weapons are good, too.)

Ending a journey when you’re only halfway through is merely a waste of time. (Might as well just stay home, eh?)

You might have to wait longer than you want for results, but there is no way to rush destiny. (Although you might be able to rush Destiny’s Child.)

(That was a little pop culture reference, to prove that We have Our finger firmly on the pulse of pop culture.  And Moms Mabley.)

 You have to keep moving toward it, (And what was “it”, again?)

even if it turns out to be farther away than you thought.  (Well, if it’s that far off, don’t even tell Us what it is till We get there.  We’ve had enough disappointment to last a Lifetime TV Movie.)

Enthusiasm and passion are among your most fabulous traits, and now you can exercise them to their full extent.  (It is unclear whose horoscope this has suddenly become, but We’re pretty sure We’re not in Kansas any more.)

Unleash those powers of persuasion on whoever’s caught your eye. (Insert one-eyed hooker joke here.)

(Meanwhile, from the Erix Daily Horoscope Amazing Facts Department, every single celebrity in today's index?  Has been previously indexed here.  (Even Moms Mabley.))

 (Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

                            

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

I will follow him, follow him wherever he may go

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Tuesday, April 26, 2011.  It has just come to what passes for Our attention span that today is Raechal’s birthday.  So happy birthday to Raechal, who turns twenty-four today.

In keeping with Our promised Royal Wedding tribute, today We bring you yet another Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Sucretia Epiphany Mitochondria Saliva Gonorrhea of a happy couple.  And, in Our never-ending efforts to be inclusive and non-discriminatory, today’s couple is a same-sex couple. (At this juncture, Astute Readers (and why YouPeople sit around reading stutes, We’ll never know) will point out that so was yesterday’s.  The difference, of course, is that, with yesterday’s couple, One could tell which sex they were the same as.)  Said Pixture is also doubling as a Public Service Announcement, as the questionable couple in question are clearly picking up some ointment to deal with a particularly nasty bout of It Itches Down There.

Suddenly, Prince William seems ever so much less unattractive.

That’s really all We’ve got, save for this quote We found on Our WorldWideInterWebNetz yesterday: “I don't know why the library got so upset at me for masturbating. I was in the self help section.‏”

Spunky, no?

(Heh. “Spunky.”  We kill Us.)

Garcon? One HorrorScope, over easy.  Hold the mayo. And make it snappy. (Suddenly, We are Humphrey Bogart.  How the hell did that happen?)

Your visionary nature (We have a viZZZion!)

is making life quite a bit more interesting for at least one of your people (Again with this delusion that We have “people”.  Where are these people, and why do they do nothing for Us?  Tote that barge, lift Christian Bale…you know, the things One expects One’s people to do, if One has people, people, Soylent Green is people, are the luckiest people in the world…(Who let Barbra Streisand in here?))

— and you could acquire new followers if you talk up your plans. (While We may not actually have people, We do in fact have followers.  In Google, at any rate.  Twelve of ‘em. Followers, that is.  We would feel just like Jeebus with His twelve apostles, except that two of Our followers are Us Our Own Self. Don’t any of the rest of YouPeople use Google Reader?  Subscribe to Our blog!  Follow Us!  All the Kewl Kidz are doing it!)

Good social energy is yours!  (To say nothing of good social diseases!  Complete with random exclamation points!  Bangs, if you will!  Or even if you won’t!  (“Complete with random bangs!” sounds like much more fun, doesn’t it?  That being, of course, how One obtains social diseases.  Or, in some cases, social climbing diseases. (That’s when you get sick of your old friends because you only like people who can do things for you.)))

(Social energy, social diseases, and now social commentary as well. Is there ANYTHING We can’t do here at Erix Daily horoscope?)

This may sound counterintuitive, (Or, alternatively, counterintelligent.  Which is just plain stupid.)

but the stars say you should seek out conflict today. (Should not.)

(Heh.  That there was a double helping of “See what We did there?”.)

You’re not one for confrontation, but it is sometimes a necessary evil, and it’s something you should perhaps work on becoming more comfortable with. (As is the Spanish Inquisition.  Because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.)

The future holds some battles for you, and practicing on some easy skirmishes will help you later on. (Well, fine, but We don’t want to fight about it.)

You will be always be able to see the problems at hand, (Because there’re so damn many of ‘em!)

but you should develop more skills that allow you to do something about them.  (What happened to all these “people” We were supposed to have?)

Go right ahead and ask for whatever you need. (A winning PowerBall™ ticket, a do-it-yourself liposuction machine, and Johnny Depp’s home phone number.  But We’re pretty sure We’ve asked for this all before.)

Your people are there for you (Where? WHERE???)

and can provide you support and assistance in your search for love. (Oh, please.  Just bring Us the winning PowerBall™ ticket.  We’ll BUY the damn love.)

Rely on them — they can’t let you down! (Mainly because there’s only so much further down We can get.)

*****************************************************************************  

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com )

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really.  She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman.  At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.  There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste.  Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.