You can always go DOWNTOWN!

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  Tuesday’sChildIsFullOfGraceMuchLikeHailMary, February 5, 2013. So We were dicking around on the WorldWideInterWebNetz, as One does, minding other people’s business, when We noticed that We have thirty-eight SitOnOurFaceBook friends who are not friends with HimSelf.  No wonder he stays in bed all day…no one likes his ass!  Loser.

Meanwhile, from The Things That Really Don’t Need To Happen Department, NBC has greenlighted a remake of the 60s-70s cop-in-a-wheelchair drama Ironside. Because folks were just CLAMORING for that.  CLAMORING, We tell ya.

In other news, is NBC still on television, or are they just radio now?

And now, an Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! Public Service Announcement on the subject of early detection of breast cancer:

Speaking of the WaitStaff, We shall be playing The VD Match Game on Friday and Saturday, February 15 and 16, at 7:30 at L’Etage.  Please check out Our SitOnMyFaceBook event and say you’re coming:  http://www.facebook.com/events/279672565493605/  Our Sistah Ovella, for those of you who know her, will be playing also.  Get your tickets here: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/331562

Here is a little Aquarius fillum, for Our birthday Aquarians:

Mark Zuckerberg just liked something on FaceBook.  What does that even mean?

And here are the HorrorScopes:

In celebrity birthdays today, somebody called Jeremy Sumpter is actually turning twenty-four today.  We don’t know who the fuck he is, but We intend to spend the rest of the day looking for naked pictures of him on the InterNetz.

You’re feeling pretty independent  (Which is different than feeling pretty in Depends™.  Which has a much higher degree of difficulty.)

— even more so than usual  (Don’t pee in your panties, Darling.  (Kiss Us quick, We’re Petula Clark.))

(Has anyone other than Petula Clark ever actually been named Petula?  Find out and get back to Us, won’t you?)

— and your ideas may be a little further from the mainstream than usual.  (Heh.  She said “stream”, just after We talked about peeing in Our Depends™.  Let the river run….)

See if you can just slide some in without debate.  (Exsqueeze Us?)

 A foreign person will have a very positive influence in your life today, (Catherine Deneuve…Gerard Depardieu…does Johnny Depp count as being from France?)

especially if they are a person from your past.  (What if they are a person from Our future?  We have a time machine in the credenza, you know.)

What they have to say is going to surprise you, (SURPRISE!!!)

but you should give them the benefit of any doubt.  (Why? What are they going to give Us?)

They are reaching out to you, (But are they touching Us?)

and it is a very good idea for you to reach right back. (Once more, dear friends, unto the breach…reach, reach unto the breach!  (Well, it may be Shakespeare, but it’s sure as hell no “Push, push in the bush”.))

Don’t force anything romantic right now.  (Because that?  Would be called “rape”.)

Leave yourself an emergency exit just in case things burst into flames.   (Which happens. A lot.  Especially to Us.)

Poke around in the embers (Now, that’s just dirty.)

without throwing any gas on the fire (Don’t fart on the fire, Darling…(Oh, shut up, Petula Clark.))

— remember, safety first. (Followed immediately by Jeremy Sumpter naked.  (Ooops…now people searching for “Jeremy Sumpter naked” are going to wind up here instead.  Won’t they be pissed?))

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                    

When you’re alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go…

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Turdsday, January Turd, Twenty-Turdteen.  Hey, Holidailies™ are over…We ain’t gotta pretend to be classy no more.  Although it will interest Us to see if We maintain the slight uptick in Our hit count that resulted from same.

Meanwhile, at the risk of repeating Ourself (which, of course, NEVER HAPPENS), you may recall this from yesterday:

… from the The Best Writers Use The Fewest Words Department, this quote, which requires no explanation, just in from OurPatrickWhoArtInGreaterBostonia:

“Don’t poop in the temple.”

That color would be called, naturally, Flashback Chartreuse, which was undoubtedly someone’s nickname in high school.  Of course, with a nickname like that, they never graduated, and are destined to repeat Algebra 2 until retirement.  To return to the point , however, We are reiteratively repeating Ourself redundantly for several repetitious  recurring reasons, one of which is that We now have an alerting service of sorts to alert people (hence the name) when they appear in an E!D!H! e-pissode, and said alerting service failed to alert OurPatrick yesterday.

Reason (B.) would be an earworm shared with Us by Our Sistah Ovella, which We are now going to be so kind as to share with YouPeople.  You’re welcome, in advance.

By way of Miss Petula Clark:

Don’t poop in the temple, Darling

Don’t pee in the pouring rain

Don’t poop in the temple, Darling

Your dick is long

So drink formaldehyde

Watch King Kong

While you’re outside in a tent.

Day-um.  Could that Petula Clark write a ballad, or what?

And to think We spent all of December Acting Classy.  What a waste!

Speaking of autistic…er, artistic endeavors, here is how you would share  Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscopes:Capricorn  video with a friend:

http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM

And here, without further ado ado to you and you and you, are the HorrorScopes:

Not only did We sing you a song, but now We are here to tell you that it’s Zasu Pitts’s birthday.  Whatever would YouPeople do without Us?

Keeping an aggressive attitude will only get you frustrated right now, (Sez who, bitch?)

(Heh.  SWWDT?)

because the people around you are not feeling any urgency or motivation. (Well, DUH.  It’s Zasu Pitts’s birthday, but she’s been dead for fifty years.  So it’s not like everybody needs to run out to find the perfect birthday gift.  And don’t expect cake.  Also, don’t poop in the temple, Darling.  (We wouldn’t want your mental soundtrack to stop on you.  We’re considerate like that.))

They may be slow to respond to your questions or demands, so try to focus more on personal projects. (Just TRY and tell Us that wasn’t a masturbation euphemism.)

 Go solo for the next few days. (SEE?)

Before you get overheated, you need to stop your engines and just let things cool off.   (Based on all available intelligence (of which there is admittedly not much), it is quite cold enough outside today, ThankYouVeryMuch.  On the plus side, however, the sun is shining. We would make hay, but We have no idea what that means.  Or why the hell We would want any hay if We learned how to make it.  Life is very complexicated.)

Where’s the fire?  (Waldo has it.  Any other dumbass questions?)

Take care not to rush into anything now when it comes to the realm of romance, though you may feel like you’re in a heck of a hurry.  (We cannot think of a punishment cruel and unusual enough for people who actually say “heck”.  But give us a minute…)

A little more time will clarify your feelings — and the situation. (What about the butter?)

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.