Anudder opening, anudder show

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s!Periodic!Horoscope! for Turdsday,  April Ninest, 2015.

You are, naturally, making your plans to come and see She Stoops to Conquer,  which is being directed by HimSelf and begins playing at Philadelphia’s historic Powel House tonight at 7.

Here is our very first (glowing) review  (The critic came to our final dress rehearsal; the show was already this good then.):

http://phindie.com/7575-she-stoops-to-conquer-mechanical-theater-review/

If you want to come tonight, there are still a few half-price tickets available on Funsaver:

http://phillyfunguide.com/theatre/she-stoops-to-conquer-at-the-powel-house

Info is available at the SitOnMyFaceBook event here: 

https://www.facebook.com/events/880439788665151/

…and regular tickets are available here:

https://philalandmarks.givezooks.com/events/mechanical-theatre-presents-she-stoops-to-conquer

See you there!

That is all.

Here is the link with which you may share Our Aries video with both of your friends:   https://youtu.be/saxvaR85vYU

Moving on, didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001?  And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-singel/erics-daily-horoscope-2004/paperback/product-300894.html  ? 

Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.

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In celebrity birthday news , Our celebrity birthday website informs Us that it is Hugh Hefner’s birthday.  It also informs Us that he is still alive.  We were quite convinced that he was dead.

·         Aries You're usually pretty good at following instructions, but what you're doing now is not what anyone had in mind when they instructed you to "boogie down."

·         Taurus The problems you have may be insignificant next to those of starving millions, but you can't help thinking that at least their problems will be over soon.

·         Gemini Expressing yourself clearly has never been your strong point, so it should come as no surprise that it'll take a few readings before people stop laughing and realize it's your suicide note.

·         Cancer Just because other people get away with being tremendous snobs doesn't mean you can, too, mostly because you're not as good as they are.

·         Leo There's absolutely no reason you can't become successful and happy in the next six months, which will make it all that much sadder when you don't.

·         Virgo You'll answer an ad seeking participants in the Most Dangerous Game, but it turns out they mean Scrabble played against an extremely well-armed logophile.

·         Libra For the third year in a row, no one responds to your well-meaning letters concerning what you consider to be fairly large errors in just about everything.

·         Scorpio There's nothing in the world like a post-coital smoke, or so all the former lovers you've driven to smoke through sheer frustration keep telling you.

·         Sagittarius Change is right around the corner for you, and it's raising a nine-iron above its head and watching your shadow grow larger as you approach.

·         Capricorn Look, just because someone puts a diving board somewhere doesn't mean you have to jump off it in order to fulfill the social contract.

·         Aquarius Letting your fists speak for you turns out to be a good idea after all, as they make some excellent points and reach a mutually satisfying conclusion that your mind would never have come up with.

·         Pisces Romantic success is coming at you fast, and will soon leave you battered, broken, and crawling through the burning wreckage of your life as it passes over you without even slowing down.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                    

Gettin’ ecstatic and sorta dramatic and doing the Vatican rag!

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for WinesDay, April 9^rd , 2014.

Happy Birthday to Derek, who turns twenty-four today (for only the second time!) somewhere across the bridge in New Jersey.

“Derek” is another one of those names We have always liked. Not like “Kevin” (see recent dissertation on “Kevin”s here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/04/some-people-call-me-maurice.html ), where We have never (to the best of Our recollection) met a Kevin We didn’t like.  We have, in fact, met Dereks We didn’t like.  On the other hand, We know a Derek who’s a stripper, and, for some reason, We tend to think of him first when We hear the name.

Does it surprise anyone that We are the sort of person who knows strippers personally?

Warm kisses on your opening, meanwhile, to TheLovelyAndTalented Doh, who will be appearing in this for the next little while: http://www.montgomerytheater.org/shows/musical-musicals-musical

Speaking of time (what?), here is something from someone with entirely too much time on his or her hands:  http://lovedbdb.com/nudemenClock/index2.html  (We know it says “nude men” in the title, but if this is Not Safe For Your Work, you need to re-evaluate where you work.

In random other news, We had a dream last night that We were on Big Brother, choosing amongst Our twelve remaining fellow housemates (none of whom We knew) to choose three teams of four.  For a farting competition.  We shit you not.

Our question, of course, is, what in the hell is the matter with what passes for Our mind?  Who thinks of stuff like that?

Shifting gears, please Save The Date for Saturday, May 10^th, as the WaitStaff will be playing The Mother of All Match Games at L’Etage.  More on that story as it develops, but inside sources tell Us that Jesus H. Christ’s celebrity chair will be taken by His Mother, Mrs. Mary MotherOfGod! You won’t want to miss THAT!

Also, We are doing another installment of Our radio play thingie this Thursday at seven.  Please see info here https://www.facebook.com/events/354066574733564/ , and get your tickets quickly, because there is extremely limited seating.  (And We’re not kidding about that…it takes place in the ballroom of an historic Philadelphia house, and We could pretty much only get one ball in there.)

We find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the glorious sign of Aries, the harbinger of Spring and the anniversary of Our Own Personal nativity.  Our Aries video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends:

http://youtu.be/saxvaR85vYU

Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Aries video, featuring Our mother, Rosie Starfish, for comparison:

Also also, now that We have left Pisces, We need to randomly mention Johnny Depp, to return him to Number One Cited Celebrity status here at Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!  We wouldn’t want him to get mad.

And here’s the HorrorScope:

It is Tom Lehrer’s birthday.  Hence today’s subject line.  If you do not know who Tom Lehrer is, search his name on YouTube.  You’re welcome.

It is also Hugh Hefner’s birthday.  Speaking of strippers.

Your creative powers are peaking today, (So it’s all downhill from here?  Shit.)

so make sure that you’re dealing with old problems in new ways.  (Is it wrong that that sentence mainly made Us glad that it didn’t mention NEW problems?)

(Did We mention that We know strippers personally?)

It’s a really good time for you to brainstorm with your colleagues or family members.  (It’s gonna brainstorm…wear your rubbers.)

Here’s another day that’s astrologically perfect for letting the world know just how good you are at your chosen area. (Why would We want the world all up in Our business?  What has the world ever done for Us?)

This doesn’t mean you have to make enemies, (But one enema wouldn’t hurt.)

but you also don’t have to deliberately shun the spotlight if it’s offered — and it will be. (Oh, listen to you, Little Miss I-Predict-The-Damn-Future.)

You can be modest (Which is no mean feat, when you’re THIS DAMN AMAZING!)

(Heh.  See what We did there?)

and discreet (Did We mention that We know strippers?  Personally?)

while still allowing yourself a chance to garner some well-deserved praise.  (“Garner”, you say?)

Get out there and have some fun!  (If only…)

It should be a great day, so try not to waste it behind a desk. (We will get wasted wherever We damn well please.)

A big adventure is just about to get started if you have the energy to handle whomever is waiting for you.  (See, this is why Kelli is an Ass Hatt…she makes it sound as though “whomever” is standing in the way of Our big adventure, even though that’s not what she means.  (Also, kiss Us quick, We’re PeeWee Herman.))

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                     

Running for the shelter of her Mother’s Little Helper

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  GoodPieRupeeTuesday, HookahDanangAniméAnew, VenuesChainsWithBenVereen’sNudeLegs, StiltLimeGunnerMitchWho?

Ah, ‘tis a grand morning for singin’, innit?  Kiss Us quick, We’re Mick Jagger. (As an aside (parenthetically, that is (hence the parentheses)), We are guessing that “kiss” and “quick” don’t go together in the same sentence with “Mick Jagger”.  (Not that We intend to give that prolonged thought.  (Where’s the mental floss?)))

Ooops…We got so excited singing The Stones that We forgot to say it’s April 9st, 2013, and Happy Birthday to Derek, who turns twenty-four today.  (He won’t get that joke, because he actually DOES.   Turn twenty-four, that is.  We, meanwhile, are wearing underwear that have already turned twenty-four two or three times.  (We really only said that for comic effect.  We’re not actually wearing any underwear at the moment.))

YouPeople love it when We Cher, don’t’cha?  If Ah could turn back tie-yum…

Wow.  Four paragraphs in, and already We’ve had Ben Vereen, Mick Jagger, and Cher.    We’ll take Geriatric Entertainers for $500, Alex.

Suck it, Trebek.

So yesterday, We had Our first sketch comedy class at Drexel.  It was, regrettably, NOT in the old EAC building, which was acquired by Drexel shortly after Our departure, and has now been renovated and reopened.  We were so hoping to see those hellish halls revamped and put to good use after We spent five torturous years wailing and gnashing Our teeth there.  But we have made it Our mission to infiltrate same, and We shall report back when We do.

Speaking of Our colorful past, back in the days of the EAC (Evil Acquiring Company, for you newbs) , these e-pisstles were just an email that went out to a few hundred of Our nearest and dearest friends.  (We only came to Bloggonia in 2010.)  But, for any of you with an interest in history (how old does it have to be before it’s archaeology?), you can find published dead-tree versions of the years 2004 through 2007 at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/epsingel You can even download e-versions for a mere pittance.  Run, do not walk.

Speaking of Cher and Cher on a bike, here is the link with which you will share Our new Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope:  Aries video with your friends, enemies, frenemies, enemists, and frenulums:

http://youtu.be/saxvaR85vYU

Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is last year’s Aries video, featuring Our mother, Rosie Starfish, for comparison:

And now, in case you thought things couldn’t get any more boring, here is Kelli’s HorrorScope:

Hmm.  Hugh Hefner and Jenna Jameson share a birthday.  Somehow, that makes sense to Us.

(Our str8 boi readers are now all amazed and agog that we know who Jenna Jameson is.  You would be surprised what We know, str8 boi readers.  You. Would. Be. Surprised.)

Your ambitions are making life exciting  (How many times must We tell you, that word is spelled “ambitchins”.)

— so indulge them to the hilt!  (Speaking of porn stars…)

Your great energy (Jigga WUT?)

 is perfect for moving forward on your career path, pursuing a romantic target or making great art.  (Yeah.  Making great art.  But, when We’re not doing that, We’re making great dinner theatre.  And, more importantly, making money.)

 Your friends have never been more ardent  (Insert Eve Arden joke here.)

in their devotion to you than they are right now — so it’s time to get together with them and have some fun!  (Okay!  Let’s all get together and sprinkle random exclamation points throughout this horoscope!)

This is a super day (Thanks for asking.)

to go out and do something that involves a lot of physical movement.  (Poop?)

Get everyone together to play ball, go dancing, or even do some bowling!  (There’s another damn exclamation point.  Meanwhile, We can justr imagine trying to get Our friends together to play ball.  We can see them showing up at Our front door now. With commitment papers.  And a straightjacket.)

It won’t matter much what you do, (Ain’t that the truth?)

because it’s really all about who you do it with. (Or to.  Depending on your perspective.)

You will all enjoy more laughter and more bonding today than you have in a while.  (Mmm-hmm.  Because nothing’s funnier than bondage.)

A new method for meeting people is extremely auspicious today.  (Then let’s wait till tomorrow, when it becomes more aubergine.)

Seek out some activity that gets you all riled up  (We can only imagine.)

— maybe a cultural or volunteer event?  (Can there be volunteer firemen?  Firemen are HAWTT.)

Anyone you meet is sure to love your enthusiasm. (Is that an enthusiasm in your pocket, or are you just happy to see Us?)

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.