They got the fire down below

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday,  December Turdiest, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Alyson, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back. 

Happy Birthday also to Kyle, who also turns twenty-four today, also  right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.

And Happy Birthday to Ethan, who and turns twenty-four today.  In Hoboken, which is a suburb of New York, New York: The City That Doesn’t Sleep (With Us). Which is where Jason turns twenty-four today (and Happy Birthday, Jason), unless he’s on world tour somewhere. (Or should that be “on world tour everywhere”?  (Geography is difficult, especially around the holidays.))

Happy Belated Birthday, meanwhile, to Chelsea, and Cliff, and David, and Justin, each of whom turned twenty-four sometime since We last e-pisstled.  

And last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Belated Birthday to Steve, who historically reenacts the only Founding Father who, apparently, was hawtt.  (Thomas Jefferson, in case you were wondering.)

We Our Own Self Personally have returned from The Hinterlands, where We celebrated The Holidays with The Sainted Mother and various and sundry family.  Upon Our return, We were whirlwind-visitated upon by TCBITWWW (The Cutest Boy In The Whole Wide World, for you newbs), and have only just today returned to (what, for Us, passes for) normal.  And tomorrow, We are back to the grind at the Murder Mystery Factory, where at least, on a positive note, paychecks await Us.

Speaking of hysterical reenactments AND paychecks, We are about to embark upon a directing endeavor at a local historical landmark which may be of interest, at this point, to some of Our Gentle Readers who are Fluffya actors.  Herewith some info; hit Us up for more:

The Mechanical Theater seeks male and female actors for upcoming production of “She Stoops to Conquer.”

Auditions will be held on January 11th from 1 pm to 3 pm and January 12th from 6 pm to 8 pm at the Physick House (321 South 4^th Street.)

The production will take place at the Powel House (244 South 3rd Street) from April 9^th through April 19^th. The play is a Restoration Comedy first performed in London in 1773.  The production will be directed by Eric Singel. 

Please send a headshot and resume to Loretta.vasile@gmail.com. Auditions will consist of reading from the script.  No monologue required.  Auditioners will be seen on a first come first served basis.  If you would like to audition but can only come shortly after the specified times please let us know and we will try to accommodate you.  Actors will receive 7.6% of the gross ticket sales as compensation.

(This is the company that produced the Walker and O’Dare radio plays in which you, of course, saw Us perform, as well as this past Halloween’s sold-out run of The Masque of Poe. Info on ticket sales will follow.  Be there or be square.)

In other news, here is the e-pissode from last Christmas season that everybody seems (according to Our Google-O-Meter™)  to be revisiting all of a sudden:  http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/12/she-works-hard-for-money.html   Enjoy!

And check out Our Best Of Holidailies™ Award  here:

 http://www.holidailies.org/entries/bestof#entry-1286

and go to the e-ntry directly here:

 http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/12/time-passages.html .

Here is the link with which you may share Our Capricorn video with both of your friends:   http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM

And here, for your further edification, is Our very first Capricorn video:

Upon reflection, these two videos are amongst Our much more densely-plotted cinematic efforts, due to the fact that Our director actually is a Capricorn (although quite unlike the unseen character from the videos).

We often ponder, in the endless time afforded to Us by the fact that We are almost universally ignored, how many of Our Gentle Readers actually realize that, if viewed in order, Our videos actually have ongoing plots and storylines.  Then, of course, We realize that Our Gentle Readers are all imaginary, and we curl up into the fetal position…

Moving on, didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001?  And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-singel/erics-daily-horoscope-2004/paperback/product-300894.html  ? 

Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.

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In celebrity birthday news, it is the birthday of someone called Ryan Sheckler, who is famous for being a “skateboarder”.  Which is apparently now a thing.  And here, We would have thought he would be famous for “looking like that”.

You are finding it easier than ever to push yourself in a bold new direction  (Clearly, Kelli has heard about Our “Plaid Is Not A Color” campaign.)

— so take a second look at your goals and figure out what you really want to do with the next year or so.  (Win PowerBall™.)

Not all people fulfill their promises, (No…rilly?!?)

and today you get a fresh perspective on someone who is veering close to being a hypocrite.  (Note to Self:  attempt to ascertain why there are so many hypocrites, and yet apparently no hypercrites.)

This person’s aims are more ambitious than their abilities. (And you should see his anus!  (And he should see Uranus!  (And you both could live happily ever after!)))

Believe what you see and form your own opinions. (Fine…show Us Uranus.)

Your honest assessment could help them, (Is the phrase “ass assessment” now occurring to anyone?  Just Us?  Alrighty, then.)

but are you willing to chance their volatile reaction? (Do We really want “Uranus”, “ass assessment”, and “volatile reaction” all in the same paragraph?  We think not.)

Keep your distance from folks (Whose ass assessment reveals a volatile reaction?)

who aren’t capable of facing facts. (Them too.  (For those who enjoy glimpses behind Our Highly-Trained Professional scenes, We are currently torn between a “fart” joke, and a “flinging poo” joke.  Decisions, decisions.))

Are you gonna wait around, or will you step up and make the first move? (Hey, you’re  the ass(tromalogical) ho(roscopulist)…shouldn’t you KNOW what We’re “gonna” do?)

The stars definitely favor the latter now. (That’s a typo…the stars actually favor the latte.)

Send messages to a couple of hotties online.  (So many of Our Gentle Readers are hotties.. (Paging Thomas Jefferson…Thomas Jefferson to the white courtesy phone…))

 Ask that certain someone out to lunch.  (What if they already ARE out to lunch?)

(Heh…see what We did there?)

(Who wants cake?)

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                    

Two four six oh ONE!

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! For JustAnotherManaclesMonday,  December 30^st, 2013.

Happy Birthday to Kyle, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.  Also, Happy Birthday to Alyson, who also turns twenty-four today, also right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.  Not that love handles intrude upon her universe in any way, shape, or form.  Just sayin’.

Happy Birthday also to Ethan, who also turns twenty-four today.  In Hoboken.  Which is almost New York, but isn’t.  Also, Happy Birthday also to Jason, who also turns twenty-four today.  In New York.  New York, New York…The City That Doesn’t Sleep (With Us).  Which is nothing like Hoboken, and doesn’t care.

Geography: harder than Math, but with prettier colors.

So it occurred to Us that We neglected to tell you yesterday about a dream We had the night before.  Unfortunately, now all We can remember of it is exclaiming, “Aw, Jesus Christ, are you INSANE?”  We have no recollection of to whom We exclaimed it (although We’re pretty sure We would remember if Jesus Christ had actually been in the dream) or why.

Last night, meanwhile, We had a long involved dream in which We were rehearsing to appear in Les Miz.  We think We were playing Javert, except in the dream We couldn’t remember if he was the protagonist or the antagonist, but We knew We had to be playing the antagonist, because We’re pretty sure We couldn’t sing the protagonist role.  Which We know, of course, is called Jean Valjean, but in the dream We couldn’t remember that.

(Parenthetically (hence the parentheses), when We Googled “Jean Valjean” on Wikipedia to verify the spelling, We learned that there is a Frawnch porn star named Jean Val Jean.  And We thought We’d Cher that information with you.  You’re welcome.)

Also appearing in this particular production of Les Miz, in place of Anne Hathaway’s character, Pantene™, was Evita.  As it was neither Patti LuPone nor McDonna, We presume it was the actual Eva Peron.  She was dressed, anachronistically, in voluminous mourning garb such as a woman might have won in the 1800s.

The plot of the dream, such as it was, consisted of the fact that We were attempting to sing the role, which We clearly had not learned yet, from a tattered vocal score, the pages of which were out of order, difficult to read, and frequently upside down or missing.  Also, the music kept going (and going (and going (much like the Energizer™ lemur)), and no one would tell Us what page We were supposed to be on.

This was, clearly, one of those few-and-far-between occasions when you would NOT want to be Us.

Meanwhile, if you have never enjoyed Our review of the fillum version of Les Miz, please go here (We’ll wait):  http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/02/everybody-raise-glass-raise-it-up.html

In other news, who has opposable thumbs and will be performing not once, but TWICE in Centre Theatre’s Independent Voices Festival in January?  That’s right, ladies and genitals, this Foul-mouthed, All-knowing Goddess!

That’s right, mark your calendars for Sunday, January 12 at 8PM and Friday, January 17 at 8PM, in Beautiful Downtown Norristown for the triumphant return of LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour!

Check out the SitOnOurFaceBook event (https://www.facebook.com/events/259746334150716/ (FYI That is NOT Our mouth in the logo.)), and keep your eyes glued…GLUED, goddammit…to this space for further developments (We don’t even think tickets are available yet, but you, Gentle Readers, will be the first to know when they are, so you can snatch (heh) them up.)

This will not, as you may have guessed, be the only reminder you will receive of this upcoming event.  Stay tuned also for other appearances in the Greater Philadelphia Area and up and down the Eastern Seaboard.  Because Starzina is nothing if not peripatetic.  (Also poetic and chic.)

Check out Our Time of the Month Horoscope: CAPRICORN  video above.  And, in the holiday spirit of giving, use this link to share it with your friends:  http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM

And now, the HorrorScope…

Today, Our celebrity website informs Us, is Ryan Sheckler’s birthday.  “Who the fuck is Ryan Sheckler?” We hear you exclaim.  (Or maybe that was “Aw, Jesus Christ, are you insane?”, and We just didn’t hear you right.)  At any rate, Ryan Sheckler?  Is a professional skateboarder.  Because they have professional skateboarders now. (And you wonder why We pray for death.)  However, if you Google him on Wikipedia and click the Images tab, you will be pleased to have been informed.

You’re welcome.

AGAIN.

Your honesty is important today, (That is SUCH a lie!)

(Heh.  See what We did there?)

so make sure that you’re as open as can be. (We are wide open and fully dilated.)

(Micro$oft Weird™ would like Us to change that to “We are wide open and fully dilUted.”  Which makes even LESS sense.  Shut up, Micro$oft Weird™.)

Even one slip-up can lead to a cascade of troubles that ends up biting you in the rear end. (So wait…that’s a BAD thing?)

Speak from the heart!  (Bitch, please…We are an ass(tromalogical) ho(roscopulist).  We speak from Uranus.)

You are in the calm eye of a gathering storm right now, (We are also smoking a Camel™ through the eye of a needledick the bugfucker, but that’s neither here nor Nair™.)

(What?)

and can sense that things are going to get a lot busier, soon. (Or We’re gonna get a new bustier.  One of those.)

But instead of getting panicked about what is to come, be confident!  (What if We panic confidently?  Will that work?)

You are more than prepared for the action that is about to go down, and it’s important that you give off the air of being capable and ready to go — other people are paying attention, and the energy you give off will influence how they feel about the coming days.   (Okay, that?  Was a really, really long sentence.  And all We heard was “go down”.)

Observe the details closely when you’re meeting new people today. (They say the Devil is in the details.  They also say he has a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress on.  So the Devil is a crossdresser.  Now We’re confused…)

Quiet signals are easy to spot, if you take the time to watch for them. (If you’re watching, what the hell difference does quiet make?)

People can tell you all about themselves really quickly.  (They can also lie like a cheap rug.  And then there’ll be hell toupee.)

(Heh.  See what We did there?  No, really…SEE?  That’s one o’ them jokes that only wortks viZZZually.)

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.