I got plenty o’ nuttin’

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Friday’s Eve (for that “not-so-fresh” feeling),  October Twoth, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Sue, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.

Happy Birthday to Dean, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.

Happy Birthday to Nick, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.

Happy Birthday to Davon, who might turn twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back, but is too coy to share that information on SitOnMyFaceBook.

And last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Birthday to CuteBoiInTights, who turns twenty-four today in Chicago.

So, depending on how you look at it in your Depends™, that’s at the very least three out of five, or, possibly, four out of five birthdays right here in Our very Own backyard.  We bet We STILL don’t get any cake.

In other news, We got nothin’.

No Dangling Chad (hi, Chad!) guessing game like Monday: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/09/thats-peachy-for-some-people.html

No brilliant geographical analysis like Tuesday: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/09/in-my-mind-ive-gone-to-colorado.html  

Not even the promise of Magic Underwear: The Gathering like yesterday: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/10/next-to-lovin-i-like-fightin-i-like.html

Sigh.

Dear SitOnOurFaceBook:  We have, at last count, 995 “friends”.  Many of whom We have never actually met.  So We can pretty much guarantee you that “People We May Know” do NOT include those with whom We share only one or two “mutual friends”.  Your stupidz are showing. KThxBye.

In other other other news, leapin’ lemurs, it’s Libra!  And not a moment too soon…Virgo was truly wearing Us right the hell out. Is it just Us, or does Uranus always feel out-of-sorts for you during Virgo too?  Also, for the entire month of Virgo, it always feels as though someone is snooping through Our underwear drawer.  And telling people what they find there.  And NOT in a good way.

At any rate, Our Libra video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with both of your friends:  http://youtu.be/I-sVEr84fyk?list=UUtq4ffsQ_xGu4T5NSA2HfaQ

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And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:

In celebrity birthday news, it is Mahatma Gandhi’s birthday.  Which may explain why We got nothin’.

The levels of humor in here are so very deep, intellectual, and complex that it’s not even funny.

Heh.  See what We did there?

No, really…d’you see?

Aries

Home is where your heart is, and your lungs and liver too, but despite a month-long search they'll never find all of you.

Taurus

                            

For the third excruciating week in a row, you will find yourself powerless to prevent your day from perfectly mimicking the lyrics of "Stairway To Heaven."      

  

Gemini

You can't help but feel that if there were something you could do to stop being such a wishy-washy, passive, indecisive loser, you would have done it by now.

Cancer

Air and fire magicks are very strong in your sign right now, so it's fortunate that you're really into igniting your own flatulence.

Leo

You'll find steady if undignified employment as the guy who stands right behind the crime boss and emphatically repeats the last words of all his sentences in a sneering voice.

Virgo

You'll fall short of funky expectations this week when you find yourself digging the scene and looking clean, but without any sort of gangster lean.

Libra

The stars have no wisdom or portents to impart at this time, but thought it would be bad manners not to at least say hi.

Scorpio

You've always wanted to be the one that people come to for wisdom and comfort, but you'll have to settle for being the one that the stripper winds up talking to about her kids.

Sagittarius

Sometimes there is just no way to say you're sorry, but the rest of the time you should probably try just walking up to the person and saying "I'm sorry."

Capricorn

You try to be a decent person with a good perspective on life and a firm view of right and wrong, but you'll soon find yourself ordering something called a half-caff skinny maple soy latte.

Aquarius

You'll be devastated by the news that you could have stopped a major tragedy in Nigeria if you had only answered their pleading e-mails in time.

Pisces

Your eyes will be a little too big for your stomach next week when a sudden hideous allergic reaction causes your eyes to swell up to six times their usual size.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                     

I met the Devil in Poughkeepsie, New York

Hello, Ducks!

Before We begin e-pisstling all over your petunia patch (and before We begin the beguine, because nothing says “Dear Jeebus, you’re GAY” like knowing who Cole Porter is), from The Department Of People On The WorldWideInterWebNetz Who Actually Give A Shit About Us, please note that Our beloved colleague and future ex-cyberhusband AstroGeek, who looks damn good in a leather thong (We assume (thereby shoving Uma Thurman up Hume Cronyn’s ass), as We have no photographic evidence of same), is peddling his papayas at a new InterWebNetzian address, to wit, here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/ .  He is extremely well-versed in cosmic orbs of all sizes, colors, and weights, and knows, dare We say it, even more about Uranus than We do, so do please go and check him out.

Tell him Starzina sent you…maybe he’ll show you his thong.

And now, today’s e-pissode.  Brought to you by Zombie’s Eve™…for that not-so-fresh, rotting-flesh feeling.

(Did We just do a zombie joke?  It’s a cry for help, people!  (At least it wasn’t a FUNNY zombie joke…))

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for WinesDay, October 2^th, 2013.  Happy birthday to Susan, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.  Also, Happy Birthday to Dean, who also turns twenty-four today, also right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.

In further-flung news, Happy Birthday also to Davon, who turns twenty-four today in New York.  New York, New York, that is.  Davon and We were, apparently, in a student fillum together once.  Although that is another thing of which We have no photographic evidence.  One wonders how these fillum students ever learn anything, when they never seem to finish their fillums.  Sigh.

Also, last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Birthday to CuteBoyInTights, all the way out in The Windy City.

In other news of importance (as opposed to other news of imPOtence) We are  remounting (ooooohhhh!) Our show, LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour, the best-kept secret of the 2013 Philadelphia Fringe Festival, so that everyone who was too busy Fringing can have a chance to see it.  So get your tickets now, kidz; We’re doing it one night only, Sunday, October 13 at 7:30 at L’Etage:

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/478137

And here is the HorrorScope:

In celebrity birthdays, Mahatma Gandhi was born today.  As was Sting.  (Were We the only one who didn’t realize that they were two different people?)  Also, Kelly Ripa and Groucho Marx were born today; you will, of course, remember them from their talk show, Groucho and Kelly.

It’s a day of routines for you and your people  (Oh, damn…and here, We left Our baton in Geometry class.)

— but try not to grumble or express your boredom. (We do not GRUMBLE.  People might not HEAR Us.)

It’s a great time to get things done, and there’s really only one way to do that effectively.  (An Uzi.  Or a flamethrower.  Oh, wait…that’s TWO ways.)

Today you should put ‘good conversation’ at the top of your priority list!  (And here, We’ve already put “cunning linguist”.  But that’s sort of the same thing right?  Speaking in tongues…)

But in order to make it happen, you have to be ready to take things to a deeper level than you usually do — with people you don’t usually talk to. (Okay, now We’re bored.)

Small talk is for small minds, right now, and since you certainly are not one of those, why not prove it? (Never mind.)

(See, that right there?  Was an existential joke.  (Existential jokes are the kind that aren’t funny.  (Well, ONE of the kinds.  Also, zombie jokes.)))

Instead of asking about someone’s weekend, ask them how they feel about, say, international politics. (Or, say, the International House of Pancakes.)

You might get an odd look, (Wait…We could look odder than THIS?!?)

but you’ll also get great insight into another person.  (A chainsaw has that same effect.)

A snap judgment could close off an avenue that is much better left wide open.  (And a snapping turtle could make soup.)

Just ask one more question, or give them one more chance — even if they’re not quite right, they can introduce you to the one. (Yeah. ‘Cause that? ALWAYS happens.)

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.