If you liked it then you should have put your thing in it

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Friday’s Eve (for that “not-so-fresh” feeling),  September Fourst, 2014.

Our mood is vastly improved since yesterday’s screed.

Thanks for asking.

Happy Birthday to Rick, who turns twenty-four today, somewhere in New Jersey.

Happy Birthday also to Miriam, who also turns twenty-four today, somewhere in Virginia.  Vienna, to be exact.  (Which, One now muses, should really be NEW Vienna, no?  After all, it’s NEW Jersey.  And NEW York.  And NEW Rochelle.  (Although it is completely unclear to Us where OLD Rochelle is.  (What were We talking about again?)))

And Happy Birthday also too to Derick, who doesn’t EVEN turn twenty-four today.  (Which would seem to mean he is in rehearsal for twenty-four.  A concept We had not previously contemplated, but which pleases Us very much.)

In other news, warm kisses on your opening to everybody at Two Street, which opens tonight.  Tickets are about to be very hard to come by, so grab the last few remaining here:  http://fringearts.com/event/two-street-a-tale-of-star-crossed-mummers-12/  (Here is an article about the show, which is one of the reasons why it’s on the verge of selling out: http://www.southphillyreview.com/news/lifestyles/Tribe_of_Fools_Brennan-helming_Two_Street-273946911.html )

And don’t forget to come kiss Us on Our Own Personal opening, tomorrow night at L’Etage:  http://fringearts.com/event/the-waitstaff-sht-the-bed-10/

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Speaking of naked people (howZZAT for a segue?), here is a flashback to Our FIRST Virgo video, the one with the naked angel:

In other other news, We have Our schedule at the Murder Mystery Factory for September.  We will be performing on Friday, September 12 and Friday, September 26.  If you are interested in seeing Us perform in same, holla at Us.  (For those naked skimmers who may not be aware, We have been promoted to A Position Of Power at the Factory, and so will be performing somewhat less.)

And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:

Every other gay blogger will be telling you that it is Beyoncé’s birthday.  We are here to tell you that Dick York, the original Darren on Bewitched, was born today. Clearly, We should take the rest of the day off…

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                     

She works hard for the money

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for ThurzDee, May 17, 2012.  We are considerably less than inspired this morning, but We already played hooker…er, hooky ONE day this week, so We daren’t do it again.  Because that would be the second daren’t and, as every Bewitched aficionado knows, the first daren’t was the definitive one.

See?

Meanwhile, in Our ongoing pursuit of making your life seem better by comparison to Ours, We just spent two minutes of Our life trying to remember Dick York’s name.  (It was “Dick York”, just so you know.)  THERE’S a brain cell We’ll never get back.

If there should perchance be any sketch class students in here, this would be proof of the concept that you are only a writer if you are writing.  It would also, unfortunately, seem germane to the theory of a thousand monkeys flinging poo at a thousand typewriters, which results in a thousand Adam Sandler movie scripts and the lyrics to the latest McDonna album.

So far, We have said “daren’t”, “aficionado”, and “germane”.  If this were (subjunctively) a Word-A-Day calendar, it would already be Tuesday.  And, thus, Belgium.

Sigh.

Perhaps if We go and find a really scintillating (Wednesday) Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Paul Lynde For The Block, We shall become inspired.  (Lest you think that was more random poo-flinging, when We were attempting to remember Dick York’s name (which, you will recall, was “Dick York”), the name that kept popping into Our head to confuse Us was Larry Tate.  Which was, of course, Dick York’s character’s boss’s name.  And which led Us, for some reason, to viZZZualize Uncle Arthur.  Which is how We got to Paul Lynde.  (Step right up for the Duck Boat tour of the windmills of Our mind.))

Wait, what?  Donna Summer died?

Here’s  the HorrorScope:

Your cultural instincts are flawless today, (Of course they are.  We ate Mexican last night.  (We had to…he fell off his bicycle.))

(On CBS this fall:  The Amazing Racist.)

so sniff out the next big thing (Yowza.)

before anyone else can get to it. (You are probably wondering how We got from “daren’t”, “aficionado”, and “germane” to “yowza”.  What can We say…We have a wacky vernacular.)

You may find that your energy is inexhaustible, too, (Or, ya know, not.)

 so enjoy the heady feeling!  (We would very much enjoy enjoying some “heady feeling”, but We are suspecting that would require a partner.)

Your lukewarm ambition (It will come as a surprise to many of you that “Lukewarm Ambition” was the Mark Hamill character’s name in early drafts of Star Trek Wars.  (His father’s name was James Spader.))

(Watch out for flying poo.)

is starting to get a little hotter right now, (Well, yeah.  We rubbed two Boy Scouts together and made a fire.)

thanks to the inspiring progress a friend or coworker has made. (Mmm-hmm.  ‘Cause other people’s success never makes Us want to just go back to bed.)

But before you head up that corporate ladder, you have to figure out what you’ll do once you get up to the top. (Poop on the passersby.  Duh.)

You need to plan your path. (And alliterate, also.)

Hold off making any big moves today. (Didn’t she just say We were making it to the top of the ladder?  Make up what passes for your mind, AssHat.)

You’re getting some signals about what direction to take with your love life, so pay attention.  (Could We get some of that “heady feeling”?)

 Meanwhile, , as we teeter just this side of madness, do please help Us out by going to watch Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope: Taurus video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlqQw4TppqY  In fact, go to Our YouTube channel and watch ALL of Our damn videos:  http://www.youtube.com/user/RickinPhilly?feature=mhee Hey, we’re cracking up; it’s the least you can do.

Speaking of fillums, here, because its brilliance cannot be overstated, is the slogan for Our latest fillum:  Uranus is Our Rosebud.

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

                            

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

Hey, you…is there anybody out there?

Greetings, Existential Reconstructionists Impersonate Carpetbaggers------


Here is your horoscope for Friday, April 23, 2010 (Since it appears that no one heard Us the first time, We shall repeat Ourselves very slowly: Google. Took. Away. Our Reader. Hits. Counter. Now. We. Only. Know. You’re. Here. If You. Leave. A. Comment. And. We’re. Getting. Bored. KThxBye.):


(While We await the great outpouring of love that will no doubt be resulting from THAT (yeah, right) , We shall occupy Ourselves contemplating why Micro$oft Weird™ thinks “Here” with a period after it is misspelled, while “Here” without a period after it is not. Then We shall no doubt have Our period. And possibly eat it, too.)


(Meanwhile, in case you’re not eating Chinese today (the frustrated Chinese could not be reached for comment), and, therefore, not receiving a fortune cookie, herewith is some advice to substitute for the contents of said absent cookie: “If the piece of trash in the gutter looks like it might be a twenty dollar bill, bend yo' fat assz ovah and pick it up, because it might just BE a twenty dollar bill!” In bed.)


(In other news, if you are anywhere in the vicinity of New York this evening, get thee to the Tribeca Fillum Festival for the screening of Willam Belli’s movie,  Ticked Off Trannies With Knives. If, on the other hand, you are anywhere in the vicinity of Dick York this evening, you might want to rethink your plans, as he is dead.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


Venus, the planet of love and wealth, makes not one, not two but THREE major astro-links today, suggesting that for many people, there are changes happening on the love or money front. (We’re kind of pressed for time….can’t We just combine the love and money fronts and hire a h00ker?)


The main issue is that one of the links is to Neptune and it's disharmonious, so if you've gone and got your heart entangled with someone you already know you can't really trust, watch up (“Watch up”? Kelli may not be eating Chinese, but she has apparently swarrowed the Chinese-Engrish dictionary.)


- that bad decision could be about to come and bite your butt! (We should be so lucky! (We would probably faint from the shock of receiving attention.))


On the plus side, good relationships can get better and financial deals struck now should stick, as long as everyone's being very honest and clear. (And We all know how likely THAT is to happen. Meanwhile what does this all have to do with being plus-sized?)






(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com/




cowgrass…what’s in YOUR wallet?)