Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for ToozDee,
Febraury 26, 2013. Happy Birthday to
Doug, who turned twenty-four today.
Also, Happy Birthday to Walter, who also turned twenty-four today. God’ll get you for that, Walter.
Today’s e-pissode mainly exists because
yesterday’s e-pissode was unable to be fully indexed, as Bloggonia only allows
200 characters worth of indexing per e-ntry.
We had rehearsal at 10:30 this morning (We *KNOW*!), but We still felt
compelled to come and rectumfy this shortcoming. If you have not already read Our review of
the Oscars™, kindly go and do so here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/02/do-you-hear-people-sing-people-who-need.html If you HAVE already read it, read it again;
it’s funnier the second time. Trust Us.
In other news, prior to Sunday’s Oscars™, We
finished the season finale of Weeds. As you may or may not know, Elizabeth Perkins
left that series in its fourth or fifth season, and subsequently became
Elizabeth McGovern, who is now on Downton
Abbey. Our mind is a terrible thing
to waste, and also eats paste.
Speaking of a thrill just to be nominated, We
have released Our new Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope video
for Pisces, which see above. Here
is the link with which you would share same with your friends, both Piscean and
otherwise: http://youtu.be/KMNgwWwNux8 .
Since there was no Our-O-Scope yesterday, here is one
today:
Can you handle the responsibility of tackling your basic
needs first and foremost? (No.)
(So? What are you
going to do about it?)
It may get dull, (Ya think?)
but sometimes you need to push through the boredom to get
to somewhere much better! (With Our
luck, We shall push through the boredom and wind up in a cesspool of ennui.)
Right now, you finally have all the resources and energy
you need to push things out of the ‘planning’ stage and into the ‘happening’
stage — so what are you waiting for? (For somebody to invent the word “plappening”. Because how cool would THAT be?)
Today is a very good time to initiate projects, especially
ones that involve legal documents or proceedings. (If We’re going to initiate something, could
it be pledges at a frat house? Pretty
please?)
Starting a new business relationship? (Yeah.
We thought We’d go over to Broad Street and fuck the Jiffy Lube.)
(WHAT did she say???)
Finalize the details today. (Also, simonize the entrails.)
Everyone has the same goals in mind, and is ready to
formalize things so that everyone can start moving forward. (Ev’rybody’s doo-ooin’ a brand new dance now…c’mon,
baby, do the locomotion…)
(What?)
Your energy and excitement make you one hot number right
now, (Sixty-nine?)
so get out and do something you’re enthusiastic about. (Yep…sixty-nine.)
It’s when you’re having this much fun — and looking this
good — that romance tends to sneak up on you.
(Oh, well…as long as We’re having THIS much fun, and looking THIS good…fucking
romance’ll probably sneak up on Us, and We’ll shit Ourself.)
(Poop.)
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but
better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For
real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good
friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own
epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by
comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
