Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday, September Sixteenst, 2014.
Happy Birthday to Joe who turns twenty-four
today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.
Happy Birthday also to Justin who also turns
twenty-four today, also right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.
Happy Birthday also too to Greg, who also to
turns twenty-four today, all the way out on The Left Coast in WeHo, El
Lay. (We are not actually sure if he’s in
WeHo or not, but, when We think of El Lay, We like to think of WeHo, and since
when is it all about you?)
When
my baby
When
my baby smiles at me
I
go to WeHo
De
Janeiro…
Sorry.
Happy Birthday, additionally, to Callie, who
turns twenty-four today in Greater Bostonia.
Also further additionally too, Happy Birthday to Tyson, who also further
additionally too turns twenty-four today, also further additionally too in
Greater Bostonia. (And, by “Greater Bostonia” in both of these instances, We
actually mean “Salem”, which is another of Our favorite geographical places to
be, in addition to the aforementioned WeHo (and the non-aforementioned New Orleans))
So, to sum up, only two out of five of today’s
birthdays are anywhere in Our immediate geographic proximity, thereby rendering
Our chances of getting any damn cake approximately equal to Our chances of
awakening tomorrow in Salem, NOLa, or WeHo.
(It being, in case you were a little slow on
the uptake, All. About. Us.)
We are now hearing, in Our head (in addition
to The Voices…and We do EVERYTHING They tell Us to do!) an incantation that
goes:
“Salem…NOLa…WeHo…Salem…NOLa…WeHo….”
Perhaps some of Our friends from the Witch
City could put some experts to work on that, and We WILL wake up somewhere
different tomorrow.
Or at least wake up with some damn cake.
*****************************************************
In other news, thank you to Fernando for
posting Our review of his production of Bent on
his SitOnMyFaceBook page and boosting Our Gentle Readership. We should get ABBA to write a song about him…
Oh,
wait…
Here, in case you missed yesterday’s
e-pissode, is the review in question:
And here is where you would get tickets to BENT,
should such things still be obtainable in the known universe:
**************************************
In other Fringe news, The
WaitStaff Sh!ts The Bed!
was
SOLD OUT (and very well-received) this
past Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, so if you want to curry favor with Us
by showing up (because mmmm….curried
favor) get your tickets now and/or quick, fast and in a hurry:
The show continues Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday at 8 at L’Etage, and, if you
perchance lay your hands upon tickets for Friday, you will encounter the extra
added attraction of Us Our Own Self Personally working box office. Because We’re multitalented like that.
Our show got reviewed, and We debated sharing
said review with you, because the reviewer seems to be kind of an idiot. There is some debate amongst WaitStaffians as
to whether it is a positive review or not…Our Own Personal point of view is
that it is, but the writer doesn’t seem to know what “shit the bed” means. That is, he seems to imagine “shit the bed”
having some POSITIVE connotation.
(We’re gonna pause here for a moo-moo while
We give all y’all a chance to imagine the positive connotation of “shit the bed”.)
At any rate, here is a link to it:
…and We would be delighted to hear any and
all opinions about it. (It is about as
important to Us as farts in the wind at this point, as We suspect that most of
Our remaining tickets are already sold.)
Also, if you are writing a review of
something, and We can’t TELL if it’s
a good review or a bad review? You SUCK
at your job. Just sayin’, KThxBye.
*****************
Speaking of lemurs on Uranus,
(howZZAT for a segue?), here is a
flashback to Our FIRST Virgo video, the one with the naked angel:
In other other news, We have
Our schedule at the Murder Mystery Factory for September. We will next be performing on Friday, September
26. If you are interested in seeing Us
perform in same, holla at Us. (For those
naked skimmers who may not be aware, We have been promoted to A Position Of
Power at the Factory, and so will be performing somewhat less.)
And
heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:
And, as if the excitement of Prince Harry’s
birthday yesterday weren’t (subjunctively) enough, Nick Jonas’s abs were born
today!
(Just in case you were wondering, today’s
e-pisstle’s title is a lyric from Nick Jonas’s new single, “Jealous”. (We do so like to
remain up-to-the-minutely au courant with the wonderful world of pop
culture. (And Pop Tarts™. Because mmmm… Pop Tarts™.)))
Also, speaking of people who won’t be having
cake, if she had lived just a leetle bit longer, Lauren Bacall would have been
celebrating her ninetieth birthday today.
(What? Too soon?)
And now, as Our day is getting completely
away from Us, here, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatted
Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is a reading from Madame Olivia:
Greetings Starzina ~
How nice to be with you again.
Madame Olivia is interested in the song with the lyrics
"All of me loves all of you." There's a little scrimmage in Madame
Olivia's brain, though, because the line is so absolute and so total and sets
the bar for a relationship so very high. Happily, the singer does ameliorate it
by saying "I love all your perfect imperfections." This is a great
line, and so worth thinking about: can you love somebody's perfect
imperfections and is it mutual? Does it go both ways?
And now, Aries, Madame Olivia would like to suggest that
you will soon find yourself needing to assert yourself. Yes, you! Even if it
feels difficult or impolitic, in an upcoming dilemma you will need to speak up.
You will find that people will listen, the situation will calm down, and things
will be better than before, especially for you.
Madame Olivia sees great energy for you around odd numbers
It's been a pleasure to be with you. Farewell from Madame
Olivia until we meet again.
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think
of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say
(and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical)
ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
