Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for JustAnotherMundaneMonday, August Eighteenst, 2014.
Happy birthday to Frank, who turns
twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.
Happy belated birthday, meanwhile, to Hannah,
and Lane, and Sarah, each of whom turned twenty-four over the weekend.
We are currently in the sign of Leo, which
contains, amongst other things, the highest percentage of sexxxy-assz mens in
the zodiac. Our Leo video is above, and
here is the link with which you may place it on the SitOnMyFaceBook pages of
your friends having Leonine birthdays: http://youtu.be/6kCzNp1JtDo
So We ran the show at the
Murder Mystery Factory this weekend in Our one and only training day for Our
New Position Of More Responsibility That We Don’t Really Want But It Will Pay
Us A Lot More Money.
Sigh.
In related news, We will
soon have Our September performance schedule available for YouPeople to resoundingly
ignore a la Our August performance schedule.
In Our very next e-pissode,
We will begin sharing Our Fringe attendance schedule and trolling for dates…lucky
you, TWO things you can resoundingly ignore.
In advance of that, however,
you may pencil in Friday, September 5 for Our opening night at The WaitStaff Sh!ts The Bed, which We
directed and wrote sketches for, at 8:00 at L’Etage. We will be there that night, barring
unforeseen difficulties at the Murder Mystery Factory, and We hope you will be
too.
Other shows We will be
attending (no dates yet (or, presumably, EVER, depending on your definition of “dates”
(heh…see what We did there?))), include Truth Be Told’s Bent and Tribe of Fools’ Two
Street.
Coincidentally, both of
these productions are currently fundraising, so if you happen to have a mark, a
yen, a buck, or a pound with which you know not what to do, you could donate
them here:
http://www.gofundme.com/bent-philly-fringe …for Bent…
or here: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/two-street
... for Two Street.
(Is it wrong that We are now
imagining how it would be so much more convenient for Us (it being, of course, All About Us) if they were (subjunctively)
to combine these two productions into one?
Gay Mummers Go To Dachau has a
nice ring to it, no?)
Now here’s a random thing
that has been bothering Us (is anyone else picturing Andy Rooney in drag right
now? Just Us? Alrighty, then.)…
Long-term Gentle Readers who
are at all acquainted with Us will know just how much We love and respect the
autistic…er, artistic endeavors of
geriatric gay pop icon McDonna (here’s a hint for the rest of you: NOT
MUCH).
Consequently, We rarely mention
Madge the Menopausal Manicurist within these pages. And indeed, the screed upon which We are
about to embark has only tangentially to do with HerSelf…
Here We go:
Upon the recent death of
Lauren Bacall, “journalists” rushed forward to announce that the last of the
film icons namedropped by McDonna in “Vogue”
had now shuffled off this mortal coil.
(We will not be listing all
of these icons here, as We would then have to index them, and Our
Google-Blog-O-Tron only permits Us 200 characters of indexing per entry.)
It is worth noting, however,
that at the time of Vogue’s release,
said icons were divided almost equally between living and dead. (It is even more worth noting that, a mere
month after the song’s release, Greta Garbo promptly dropped dead, presumably
of horror.)
Our point, however, is that,
since the death of Marlon Brando in 2004, Lauren Bacall was the only Vogue-namedropped
icon still alive (until last week). So,
for all We know, those articles about Vogue
that have been cluttering up the InterNetz since her demise could have been
written TEN YEARS AGO.
Indeed, it is
within the realm of possibility that some of the people who WROTE said articles
may now be dead.
Journalism is hard.
And
heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:
We have just learned that it is Shelley
Winters’ birthday. We are hereby
declaring a national holiday.
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think
of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say
(and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical)
ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
