Hello, Ducks!
Starzina
Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for WinesDay,
December TwennyFourst, 2014.
Happy Christmas Eve
(for that “not-so-fresh” feeling) to all of Our Christmassian Gentle
Readers. We hope that all of your
stockings are well hung by the chimney by Cher, in hopes that Jack Nicklaus remembers
to Nair™.
A big Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!
thank-yew to Our Ass(tromalogcial) Ho(roscopulist) colleague AstroGeek, all the
way out in Oh Hai, Ohio, for pointing out that, in Our rush to publishing Our
e-pisstle of yesterday, We completely neglected to observe that We had shifted
from Sagittarius to Capricorn. Thanks to
his timely observation, the correct (Capricorny) video is now above.
Here is the link with which you may share that Capricorn video with both of your friends: http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM
And here, for your
further edification, is Our very first Capricorn video:
Upon reflection, these
two videos are amongst Our much more densely-plotted cinematic efforts, due to
the fact THAT Our director actually is a Capricorn (although quite unlike the
unseen character from the videos).
We often ponder, in
the endless time afforded to Us by the fact that We are almost universally
ignored, how many of Our Gentle Readers actually realize that, if viewed in
order, Our videos actually have ongoing plots and storylines. Then, of course, We realize that Our Gentle
Readers are all imaginary, and we curl up into the fetal position…
Speaking of being ignored, We are reprinting these birthday wishes from yesterday, which went oddly uncommented upon:
And, last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Belated
Birthday to Our ex-son-in-law, IceyPop, who also turned twenty-four recently,
and who has, according to SitOnMyFaceBook, has been vacationing somewhere
called FuckIt, Thailand. We saw some
pictures of him from said vacation (although in none of the pictures was he
(unfortunately) actually Fucking It), and We were forced to marvel to Ourself
that, now that he has reached the ripe old age of twenty-four, he is actually
even better looking than he was when We first met him, all those years ago, when
he was only twenty-four. He looks every bit as fresh, and buff, and dewy (and,
by “dewy”, of course, We mean “We’d do him”)…sigh.
We are also reprinting
the following, wherein We asked for advice from Our Gentle Readers:
In other news, We are, of course, in The
Hinterlands for The Holidays. So,
naturally, Our Holidailies™ have gone right to Hell. We have discovered, additionally, that The
Sainted Mother’s Internet Explorer (does anyone..still use…Internet
Explorer? (Does anyone…still wear…a hat?
(Kiss Us quick, We’re Elaine Stritch))) will not display Our Blogger Who Art On
Google. Our WorldWideInterWebNetz would
not help Us clear up the issue (ideas, anyone?), so We are now using Chrome, as
One does.
Being in The
Hinterlands, We are spending many lovely hours abed, having epic dreams. In one
of them the other night, We found Ourself cavorting with
OurSeanWhoArtInElLay. And, by “cavorting”,
we mean…exactly what you would imagine We would mean, you foul-minded little
perverts. (Following the aforementioned “cavorting”,
we are looking forward even more eagerly to Our 2016 dinner date.)
In other news, here is
the e-pissode from last Christmas season that everybody seems (according to Our
Google-O-Meter™) to be revisiting all of a sudden: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/12/she-works-hard-for-money.html Enjoy!
On a positive note,
check out Our Best Of Holidailies™ Award here:
and go to the e-ntry
directly here:
Moving on some more,
didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one
form or another since 2001? And that the earliest dead-tree archival
records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee)
here:http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-singel/erics-daily-horoscope-2004/paperback/product-300894.html ?
Thank Gawd We didn’t
stray from the point.
****************************************
In celebrity birthday
news, it is Louis Tomlinson (of One Direction...DUH)’s birthday. (There is a brain cell you’ll never get back.)
Aries
You're sick and tired
of being treated like a child, except for the sexy parts where they change your
dirty, filthy diapers.
Taurus
Remember: If you give
in to the impulses to do whatever you want with your life, you'll become one of
those happy, satisfied people you resent so much.
Gemini
You may treasure the
sense of mystery you have about the future, but really, learning the days of
the week won't ruin the magic.
Cancer
Travel and adventure
are in your future this week as your captors continue crossing state lines to
stay one step ahead of the law.
Leo
You'll wake up naked
in a hotel bed between the corpses of a prostitute and a district attorney and
have no memory of what happened, but presumably it's the same situation as last
time.
Virgo
You'll soon experience
redoubled energy, a renewed sense of purpose, and a profound rush of
confidence, proving once again that cocaine cannot be trusted.
Libra
Your sneaking feeling
that people are out to get you just shows how delusional you are, as you should
know damn good and well that they're out to get you.
Scorpio
They say lightning
never strikes twice, which doesn't explain what's been happening to you at
three o'clock every Wednesday for the past three months.
Sagittarius
You always dreamed of
being a human cannonball, but you had no idea that advances in artillery
technology would limit your career to a very small number of appearances.
Capricorn
They'll say what you
did to all those nurses was unspeakable and ugly, but you know in your heart
they're all really just jealous.
Aquarius
You may have great
quantities of bravado, élan, and puissance, but there's no way to be sure until
you find out what those words mean.
Pisces
The stars foresee many
amazing things ahead of you this week, but really, they're too good to just
tell you about in advance.
(Who
wants cake?)
Namaste,
MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina
Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile,
why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than
necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual
ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek
here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to
you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you
actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions
and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids,
and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about
Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
