No one is alone

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s!Periodic!Horoscope! for Turdsday,  April TwennyTurd, 2015.

It being Shakespeare’s birthday, We felt cumpelled to put quill pen to parchment and frut and stret Our hour upon the page, as it (subjunctively) were.  We know you’re thrilled.

We have, of course, entered the sign of Taurus, Our video for which is above.  And here, because it is also brillllllliant, is Our original Taurus video:

Here are the links with which you may share those videos with both of your friends:   https://youtu.be/KlqQw4TppqY  https://youtu.be/iGNw4zF7MSs

And now, in the time-honored tradition (well, since February-or-so, anyway) of Eric’s!Periodic!Horoscope!, We hereby wish Happy Belated Birthdays to the most-mouth-watering birthday suits to have celebrated birthdays since last We e-pisstled.  So, Happy Belated Birthday to Adam, Chris, Doug, Gabe, Jared, Kevin, Nima, and Tom.

 (It occurs to Us that, when We’ve made such a list in the past, We’ve usually actually seen at least one or two of the birthday suits thereon.  This time?  Not so much.  One or more of all y’all oughta do something about that.)

Many of you are no doubt wondering how We Our Own Self Personally spent the anniversary of Our nativity. (We can tell by all the cards, letters, emails, and smoke signals begging Us to return to daily publication.)  And We would tell you, but then We would have to kill you.  Suffice it to say that We were not alone for any part of it, and a lovely time was had by all.

In other news, thanks to everyone who made it out to see She Stoops to Conquer.  If you missed Our review, it is here:  http://phindie.com/7575-she-stoops-to-conquer-mechanical-theater-review/

Save-The-Date, meanwhile, for May Twoth, when the WaitStaff will once again be playing The Match Game at L’Etage.  Keep your eye on Our SitOnMyFaceBook page for details.

If We were (subjunctively) to complain about anything (which, of course, We are NOT, as We simply Don’t. Do. That.), it would be that, as a belated birthday present to Ourself, We felt the urge earlier in the week to by Ourself a brand spanking new sump pump for Our basement.

Moving on, didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001?  And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now over TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-singel/erics-daily-horoscope-2004/paperback/product-300894.html  ? 

Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.

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In celebrity birthday news , Our celebrity birthday website informs Us that , in addition to Shakespeare's birthday, it is also the birthday of Joyce DeWitt, Valerie Bertinelli, and President James Buchanan.  Cake all around!

And now, We realize it’s been a while, but here is call-and-response with everybody’s Second-Favorite Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist), Kelli:

Good news!  (Man bites dog?)

The things you've been working toward so ardently are coming together nicely now. (Superman bites wiener dog?)

Okay, you're not quite 'there' yet, (Not only that, We’re only barely ‘here’.)

but there will be some major indications that you are tantalizingly close today.  (Tantalizingly Close is, of course, mere steps away from Glenn Close.)

(Do We even need to say that We have no earthly idea what the fuck We’re talking about?)

How to make the most of this wonderful momentum?  (Placentum?)

(What?)

Just keep going!  (Maybe it’s Us, but “just keep going” would seem to be the very DEFINITION of “momentum”.  AssHatt.)

Try not to celebrate prematurely, (Are you sure you meant “celebrate”?)

but do give yourself a little congratulatory gift or two. (Oh, please…how many sump pumps does one woman need?)

(Don’t answer that.)

You deserve the positive encouragement -- you are ready to take this ball and run with it. (If some of the Belated Birthday gentlemen from earlier would just show Us their birthday suits, We’ll take ALL the balls and run with them.)

Your usual charge-ahead attitude (That is a lie; We do NOT charge for head.)

and sense of adventure may have been missing in action for a bit, but they come rushing back now.  (We shall alert the media.)

Be ready with a fun plan with friends and flirtation. (And any number of other F-words.)

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                    

Oh, dem golden codpieces! Part Two

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday,  September Ninest, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Joe who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.

Happy Birthday also to Ashwin, who also turns twenty-four today, also right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.

Happy Birthday also too to Cas, who also too turns twenty-four today somewhere in Delawhere.

Faithful Gentle Readers who do not nakedly skim will recall that yesterday, We were shrilled and ignited to be off to see Tribe of Fools’ Two Street: A Tale of Star-Crossed Mummers  at The Church of the Crucifixion (which makes Us giggle every time We type it).

For archival purposes, We shall point out that We ate some sausages at Brauhaus Schmitz before attending.  (Please note that “ate some sausages” is NOT a euphemism.  (Nor, for that matter, is “Brauhaus Schmitz”, but you probably already knew that. (Lest you fear that this story is headed somewhere untoward, please know that Our sausage consumption plays absolutely no role in the rest of today’s e-pissode, and is only included here as these e-pisstles also function as a diary for Us.)))

Now, if this were (subjunctively) a typical Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! tale, fulfilling Our raison d’ être of making YouPeople feel better by comparison, it would be all about how Our expectations were  so high that We could not help but be disappointed.

Wrong, wrong, how laughably wrong.

In case you have been living under a rock, Two Street is the retelling of some famous guy’s Romeo and Juliet story, using two South Philly gay guys from rival Mummer brigades.

Long-time Gentle Readers will recall Us waxing rhapsodic (“waxing rhapsodic” is not a euphemism (“waxing the carrot” IS a euphemism…but We didn’t say that…PAY ATTENTION!)) about two previous Tribe of Fools shows, Heavy Metal Dance Fag and AntiHero.

This show is even better than those.  It is more tightly scripted, with a well-managed flow between scenes, and a clear trajectory. It is hysterically laugh-out-loud-a-lot funny, while having a number of very important things to say.

Lead actors Zachary Chiero (Ronnie) and Peter Andrew Danzig (Jules)  create distinctive, definitive wonderfully real characters who are just Everyman enough to make you realize that you have played both of these roles in your own relationships before. Plus, they share a chemistry that not only rocked The Church Of The Crucifixion (hee…We love saying that), but was probably also felt onstage at any Fringe show performing simultaneously within the city limits. (Which was no doubt confusing to the folks over at 99 Breakups…)

They are ably supported and abetted by Isa St. Clair and Peter Smith who, as their respective siblings, create delightfully complex and funny characters of their own.

One cannot discuss a Tribe of Fools show without talking about the movement…and what brilliant movement it is!  We mistakenly thought, prior to Our arrival at the actual show, that choreographer Tim Popp was playing one of the star-crossed lovers.  As it turns out, he is in the show, in the personality of his dazzling choreography.

Script-wise, keep your ears tuned to the Mummers parade newscaster commentary between scenes. A lot of it will be drowned out by laughs (it is, regrettably but necessarily, pre-recorded), but what you do hear of it will be really, really funny.

Kudos to director Terry Brennan, the rest of the ensemble, and, indeed, everyone involved with the production (especially costume designer Becca Austin).

And now, for those NOT involved with Two Street:

It is a criminal affront to taste and decency that there was so much as ONE empty seat at last night’s performance.  How DARE you not be at this show!  It only plays through Saturday, and We will not be pleased if We hear of any unsold tickets remaining.  Get ‘em here, and get ‘em NOW, people: http://fringearts.com/event/two-street-a-tale-of-star-crossed-mummers-12/

(We are so proud of Ourself for getting through that entire description without mentioning all of the lovely eye candy in Two Street… oooops!)

In other Fringe news, The WaitStaff Sh!ts The Bed!

 was SOLD OUT (and very well-received)  both Friday and Saturday nights, so if you want to curry favor with Us by showing up  (because mmmm….curried favor) get your tickets now and/or quick, fast and in a hurry: 

http://fringearts.com/event/the-waitstaff-sht-the-bed-10/

Said show also contains, speaking of LovelyAndTalented, a sketch by a former student from the sketch comedy class at which We assist, so We are herewith giving a shout-out to TheLovelyAndTalented Danny.  More on that show here: https://www.facebook.com/events/631876713594265/

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Speaking of eye candy,  (howZZAT for a segue?), here is a flashback to Our FIRST Virgo video, the one with the naked angel:

In other other news, We have Our schedule at the Murder Mystery Factory for September.  We will be performing this Friday, September 12 and Friday, September 26.  If you are interested in seeing Us perform in same, holla at Us.  (For those naked skimmers who may not be aware, We have been promoted to A Position Of Power at the Factory, and so will be performing somewhat less.)

And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:

In celebrity birthday news, in case you were mistakenly feeling young today, Henry Thomas of E.T. fame?  Is forty-three today.

And now, as the day is galloping away from Us apace, here, in lieu of call-and-response with the AssHatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is a reading from Madame Olivia:

Greetings Starzina ~

A warm welcome back to Madame Olivia.

Madame Olivia can see that many people enjoy your company and she urges you to keep this in mind whenever you strike up a conversation with somebody you'd like to get to know. Listen to that positive voice inside instead of the critical one that starts yammering at you. That critical voice is actually from the culture, not from you. Listen to the positive voice when you're with that person you've been thinking about. Make your move.

And now, dear Aries, let's talk about the choice that will soon present itself before you. Which way to go? Madame Olivia advises you to make a careful analysis and then do exactly as your heart tells you. This way you can satisfy your inner critic (with those incredibly high standards) and follow your instinct, which will not lead you astray.

Madame Olivia sees great energy for you around odd numbers.

It has been a pleasure being with you. Madame Olivia wishes you all the best until we meet again.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.