Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me

Greetings, Exxon Renames Itself Carlotta---

Here is your horoscope for Friday, October 08, 2010 (Happy birthday to JoshInNawlins, who turns twenty-four today.  If We ever have two shekels to rub together again, We’d like to find Our Own Self in Nawlins.  Well, We’d like to find Our Own Self PERIOD, but, if you’re gonna find your own self, you might as well find your own self somewhere FUN.)

(We just ate an apple.  It was good.  (Isn’t this SCINTILLATING?  Don’t you just feel as though you were (subjunctively) here?))

(TCBITWWW informs Us that he is a fan of the new reality show, Harry Loves Lisa, starring Harry Hamlin, who, for some inexplicable reason, is married to Lisa Rinna instead of to Us.  A year or two back, in Our capacity of WorldWideInterWebNetzian SurveyAnswerer, We gave Our opinion on an episode of this thing (which was not, if We recall correctly, called Harry Loves Lisa at the time).  As We recall, the only saving grace of the entire enterprise was the personalities of the two stars.   Unlike the Joan Rivers show, Where The Fu(k Did You Get All That Money? (or whatever it’s actually called…We can’t be arsed to Google), which We also reviewed, which had NO redeeming features.  Other notable shows We had input on were Pushing Up Daisies (it was in ratings trouble and they were trying to retool it to save it…they probably would have thrown out everything but the title) and Lost (remember those horrible subtitles that showed up all over the episode from last week when they used to show it before this week’s episode?  They wanted to put those on the first-run episode.  For the stupid people.  We said NO.).)

(We are not just a pretty face.)

(We would, at this juncture, tell you about Our dream wherein We were auditioning for Jeffrey and Cole Casserole, but that would require entirely too much exposition.)

(We LIKE saying “at this juncture”, and We are NOT going to change it to “now”, so fu(k you, Micro$oft Weird™.)

(In other news, somewhere We hang out on the WorldWideInterWebNetz caused Us yesterday to recall Our children’s book, which is still in search of an illustrator.  Here, for those who may have forgotten, is the text of Little Miss Prisspot:

LITTLE MISS PRISSPOT

Once upon a time, there was a fluffy little bunny named...well, for want of a better name, named Little Miss Prisspot. Now, while all the other fluffy little bunnies p00ped out the little doo-doos that rabbits make, Little Miss Prisspot p00ped out the frosting flowers that you find on wedding cakes. Naturally, Little Miss Prisspot thought her fluffy bunny @ssz was SPECIAL, what with p00ping out petunias, and pansies, and peonies, and whatnot.

("Whatnot", of course, is not a flower, it's more along the lines of "et cetera" in Fairy-Tale Language. Eric's Daily Horoscope Children's Books are both entertaining AND educational.)

Eventually, Little Miss Prisspot came to the attention of the local baker of wedding cakes, who put her bunny @ssz to work p00ping out the flowers in question for all the wedding cakes in the land. Which, as it turns out, was a lot of p00ping. One day, after a  particularly strenuous day of p00ping (there was a Christmas wedding, and Little Miss Prisspot had to p00p poinsettias), Little Miss Prisspot was p00ped. So p00ped, in fact that she misstepped (thereby exploding the entire myth of lucky rabbits' feet) off the kitchen counter and into the stewpot. Which, while unfortunate for Little Miss Prisspot, was quite a stroke of luck for the baker, who was able to invite the wicked witch from next door over for some lovely hasenpfeffer (incorporated). The baker and the witch were eventually married, and they had a lovely wedding cake that nobody had sh1t on.

The End)

(And heeeeeeeeeeeere’s Jesus:

)

(Our-O-Scopes:)

You have got to consider everyone else’s feelings today — more than your own, anyway. (Yeah.  THAT could happen.)

That’s not a permanent situation by any means, but it could lead to a permanent friendship or two.  (Is that like a home permanent friendship?  Which twin has the Toni™?  (Mmmmm….twins.))

The heavens are chock-full of unpredictable energies at the moment (Also, Our Underoos™ are chock-full of nuts.)

— which you just love. (We love nuts.)

They’re right up your alley. (Last We heard, if your nuts go up your alley, you’re doin’ it wrong.)

So does this mean you’ll be inspired toward being even more impulsive, eager and enthusiastic than you usually are? (Yes indeed doo, that is exactly what it means.  We are going to be impulsive, eager, and…what was the other thing?  Oh, yes: enthusiastic.  In fact, We are going to be a cocker spaniel puppy.  We just ate your shoe, and now We are going to pee on your carpet.)

Yep. (”Yep”?)

So is that good news, or what? (We’re gonna go WAY out on a limb and guess “or what”.)

Try shopping online for new romantic interests, (Mmm-hmm.  www.Wh0resRUs.com)

and be sure to send out a few sweet emails. (With nuts in ‘em?)

Head out to the park or a gallery and meet new people. (What, there aren’t enough people annoying Us already?)

The universe should reward your curiosity and directness. (The Universe should do a lot of things.  And yet, it just sits there.)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com

Cowgrass…insert slogan here)

‘Cause it’s raining, raining in my heart

(That there was a little Bernadette Peters for your Thursday listening pleasure.)

Greetings, Energetic Retard Incapacitates Caregiver---

(Film at eleven.)

Here is your horoscope for Thursday, October 07, 2010 (So.  Thursday.  Didja miss Us?  Keep those cards and letters pouring in.  Oh, and thanks for all the Hump Day wishes.  Apparently, We should be getting Ourself one of those medic-alert gizmos.  For when We’ve, ya know, fallen and can’t get up.  Of course, those things presumably have somebody on the other end of ‘em, yes?  Or else it’s kind of a rotten trick on Grandma…”Yeah, old lady, if you fall down, you just press this button and WAIT. (Heh-heh-heh.)”):

(At any rate, We have been a little under the weather.  Not physically, mind you; it’s just that We fail to see the need for creepy English murder mystery weather if We’re not gonna be allowed to murder anybody. )

(Meanwhile, leaping into the fray of Those Desirous Of Cheering Us Up is Micro$oft Weird™, which wants to suggest that maybe We might want to consider changing “old lady” to “old woman” or “old person”.  No.  No, We wouldn’t, but thanks for asking.  You are one funny fu(ker. (We, on the other hand, are one FANNY fu(ker, although there’s  absolutely no evidence of that.))

(The major problem around here at the moment is that, with Our show closed, there is absolutely nothing on Our horizon but the cold dark death of winter.  There is, of course, the bright spot that is the holidays (yes, We DO love the holidays…did We mention that almost all of Our Christmas shopping is done?  And much of it is wrapped?  Well, almost all of Our Christmas shopping is done.  And much of it is wrapped.).  However, this year, immediately AFTER the holidays, Something Is Going To Have To be Done.  And, while We’re fairly clear on what that Something is in the abstract, We have precious little clue how it looks in the concrete, although We’re pretty sure We don’t like it.  Sigh.)

(We’ve fallen and We can’t get up.)

(Fortunately, We’re wearing a VERY fetching housecoat.  And bunny slippers.)

(Our-O-Scopes:)

(Good lord…Our Kelli, who usually flips Us off with five or six barely coherent quasi-sentences, this morning dumped the following in Our email.  As soundly mocking this all could take Us the rest of the month (if not year), We have decided to forego same. We HAVE read the whole mess, however, and clearly Kelli has ceded her perch to someone with A Clue for the day.  We don’t, naturally, expect YOU to read it all, but if you skip down to the very last paragraph, you will get an idea of what We have been asked to contend with.  Jeebus.:

Mercury Quincunx Mc October 07, 2010 to October 07, 2010 Your attempts to achieve one or more of your fondest long-term goals can be greatly aided by the information that comes to you at this time, so stay alert. This information could come in positive or negative form, as a tip or a warning, but either way it will be quite helpful and welcome. You may also receive some news that creates a bit of minor distress and compels you to reexamine some position you've taken regarding your career or work in the world. Be open to reassessing your ideas and motivations; remember, the best work you can do in this life is to grow, learn and progress. This is the right time to think things through, even things you thought were already settled, but it may not be a good time for coming to any new, definite conclusions. Try to avoid signing contracts at this time or doing anything else that binds you to one result or course of action; you might well regret it later if you don't. This is simply a time for gathering, organizing and storing pertinent information. Delay direct negotiations for a time when you are feeling more clear-headed and decisive about your direction in life.

Mercury Semisextile Neptune October 07, 2010 to October 09, 2010 You find it more difficult than usual to focus on mundane details and problems. Anything that you must use a great deal of energy to focus on -- financial issues, anything to do with numbers or research and so on -- seems to be a distraction, and you would rather not do it if you don't have to. If you can, delegate this type of task to someone else whose powers of concentration are greater than yours. Clear your schedule if at all possible -- you might even want to call in sick at work, even if you're feeling fine, so that you can have as much time as possible to spend doing what you are really in the mood for: indulging in your imagination and seeing where your currently vivid fantasy life leads you. Your inner voice is speaking loudly at this time. Art, beauty, fantasy and whim are all strong components in your life, both waking and sleeping. You are impressionable and creative; if you are a writer or an artist of any kind, be sure to keep a pen or pencil and a pad of paper handy so you can jot down your ideas or any sketch images that pop into your head. If you absolutely must work, spend the day brainstorming with your team.

Mars Square Asc October 07, 2010 to October 10, 2010 The current energy lends itself to stormy personal relationships. Your connections with those people with whom you interact on a daily basis are strained at this time. You feel edgy and impatient, short on compromise. You may feel somehow that your personal views are being attacked by another and that you must defend them heartily in order to defend your own honor. This is not a good time to try to come to an agreement with someone, or even a compromise. You may, however, have to have it out with someone -- a lover, a business partner or someone else with whom you are working on a big, important project. Sometimes, arguments are necessary for clearing the air. It is not likely to be any fun but it will help to alleviate the tensions you and the other person are storing up inside yourselves. That, in turn, will help later, when you are more ready to try to work things out to your mutual satisfaction. If either of you has allowed your tensions to be stored up and inflamed, compromise will be unmanageable. Be clear in your representations of yourself and your needs, but try not to be hurtful.

Saturn Semisextile Neptune September 25, 2010 to October 11, 2010 You are more aware of others' needs and feel more willing to give of yourself, your time and your efforts. Cooperation with others on charitable works is highlighted. You are likely to find yourself involved with others in an activity designed to benefit some needy group of people, or you engage in a goodwill activity such as making improvements in degenerated neighborhoods or other neglected areas in your community. Take advantage of opportunities to share with others in noble and charitable causes. The opportunity may present itself but you may turn it down if you are not attuned to the possibilities of this time. Also, if you have had an idea for helping some neglected or needy situation in your community but have not been sure how or when to approach the issue, now is the time when your efforts will be met with interest and support. The current energy is not extremely powerful and the results may not bring you tangible rewards, but the effects could be quite significant, meaningful and important from a spiritual perspective.

Uranus Semisextile Sun September 19, 2010 to November 26, 2010 Your routine shifts into a happier, more energetic mode during this time. While the change is subtle, you will notice that your pace will be stepped up just a bit. Sensing that something interesting is about to happen, you become slightly anxious or restless. The effect is so slight, though, that the feelings will not be distressing at all. You're in no way overwhelmed; it's more like you're pleasantly aware of the quiet shifts you're feeling. You'll have a nice time with this current energy, meeting new and delightful people who may become important friends. You share with these new people an enthusiasm and positivity, and your time with them will be pleasing and well-spent. Time will fly as you become acquainted with these new people, talking and laughing, perhaps taking in a movie or art opening together or just having a bite to eat. You get along so well because you're feeling less rigid than usual. Activities involving your career go off without a hitch. It seems as though all doors are unlocked and all obstacles are removed, and you're able to move forward on projects that at first seemed buried in paperwork and wrapped up in red tape.

Neptune Semi-square Venus October 04, 2010 to December 10, 2010 Your romantic relationships incorporate a bit of illusion, idealism and fantasy now. You may toy with the idea of living out some of your fantasies. Your imagination is more vivid than usual and you tend to project your fantasies onto others; consequently you have trouble seeing them in a clear, objective light. You also tend to be evasive with others. This combination of factors could lead to disappointments and frustrations in your love life. If you are married or intimately involved with someone, you could become dissatisfied with the other person. Alternatively, you may experience a sort of second honeymoon during this time and find yourself falling in love all over again. Either way, you want some magic in your romantic life and if you can't get it, you will be dissatisfied with the relationship. Rather than ending a relationship abruptly, be open and honest about your feelings with the other person. Evasive and secretive behavior will only cause trouble and heartache for all involved. Similarly, avoid major commitments like marriage until your head is clearer.

Pluto Square Mercury August 02, 2010 to October 25, 2010 During this time period your thinking is intense and penetrating. You are impassioned about your ideas. You tend to have a one-track mind and you talk to others about your interests whether they are interested or not! Refrain, if you can, from trying to talk others into your point of view. You may be obsessed with a specific idea and fail to see some of the broader issues or the overall context. You can be persuasive but don't try to influence others who are not interested in what you have to say; also, try not to be dogmatic and inflexible in your thinking. This is a good time for any kind of research or in-depth study. You become involved in studies that probe to a deep, hidden level that you previously have not been aware of. The nature of the studies varies according to your personal interests, but whatever area you become involved in, you pursue with intensity and a great desire to uncover the underlying motivations and causes behind the appearances. You want to know what really makes something tick. Some of your previous assumptions and understandings could be charged by what you discover.

Pluto Trine Pluto May 29, 2010 to December 16, 2010 You've reached a point in your life at which it feels necessary to reflect on your collected experiences. During this time you will experience a gradual, subtle maturation of your attitudes and overall approach to life. You are more in tune with your spirit, your needs and your connection to the universe and its rhythms. Make changes that allow you to spend more time doing the things that you really enjoy, the kinds of activities to which you are instinctively attracted to, rather than doing what serves your more worldly ambitions. Needs for security and for doing what's right fall by the wayside in favor of what will make you feel empowered as an independent individual, as a soul that is part of a larger whole. You are willing to sacrifice some material benefits in exchange for the opportunity to live the kind of life that will suit your temperament and interests. Wisdom and transcendence permeate your presence and others can sense the peace and assurance that you're feeling. Listen to your instincts and your life will tend to fall into alignment with your true inner nature. You feel more contented, more in your own element.

Pluto Conjunct Jupiter June 05, 2010 to December 11, 2010 You feel an overwhelming need to expand your horizons and break free from the limitations of your present lifestyle, since you feel hemmed in by surroundings and people that are too simplistic, narrowly-focused or petty. You are also more adventurous, confident and willing to spread your wings to explore new possibilities at this time. This shift in attitude is accompanied by a much more liberal (and perhaps extravagant and less ethical) approach to life. You are more willing to borrow money and spend savings in order to have the things you feel are necessary to enjoy a life of greater prosperity and freedom. You also travel a lot and mix more easily with people of different social, religious and ethnic backgrounds. Your view of life is expanding, as is your image of yourself. You see yourself becoming integrated into a more prosperous, liberal, expansive circle of people. The changes in your attitude are just as important as any external changes. You drop many negative attitudes that have previously limited your potential for growth. Try not to be pompous at this time, however.

Pluto Sesquiquadrate Uranus August 20, 2010 to October 08, 2010 Unexpected upsets and changes occur; you could suddenly move or change jobs. Be careful that you aren't being impulsive; restlessness and being tired of your same old routine could prompt you to make rash decisions. Make changes only if a better opportunity arises, because changes may occur that you didn't determine yourself! The energy at work now is somewhat unstable and has potential to turn explosive. Be careful while driving your car or during any other activity that requires attentiveness, as bursts of impatience make you more accident-prone than usual. On a more positive note, this is a good time to free your creativity, especially if it has been dormant for some time. You should be breaking free from old habits and becoming more spontaneous and lively. You can discover new creative abilities and learn to improvise. A youthful spirit of spontaneity is trying to come forth, but be certain that you don't pursue some area or activity solely out of a desire to be seen as quirky or different by your peers. Make changes that will benefit you on a deep level.

Asc Sesquiquadrate Mc October 07, 2010 to October 07, 2010 Your career and overall direction in life reach a turning point. You no longer want to do just what is practical, secure and logically correct; instead you want to pursue the things that mean something to you. If your job does not express your deeper talents and interests, you may make a job change or you may become more involved with a hobby that is more personally rewarding and motivating than your job. This is a time of questioning your basic values. You must make any necessary changes to get your life to match up better with your inner feelings and instincts, even if some sacrifices must be made. For example, you may decide to accept a lower salary in order to pursue a career that is more meaningful and exciting to you. Try not to become fanatical about following your inner instincts if common sense tells you that your pursuit is impractical. Become aware of your inner purpose. Develop a realistic plan for achieving whatever is truly important to you. Avoid the tendency to become pushy or one-tracked in pursuit of your personal goals.

 (Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com

Cowgrass…it’s what’s for dinner)

To Surly, with love

(How many of all y’all are thinking of Lulu now?  G0d, YouPeople are old!  (Not because of the pixture, dumbass, because of the subject line.  Jeebus.))

Greetings, Effervescent Ratpoison Improves Champagne---

Here is your horoscope for Monday, October 04, 2010 (Ah, Monday!  Just another Mannix Monday.  (Are you wondering now, as We are, whatever became of Mannix star Mike Connors? Well, We just Googled his @ssz on Wikipedia.  He is still alive, for one thing, and is eighty-five years old.  His most recent gig appears to have been a 2007 episode of Two and a Half Men.   (Paging the Emmy noms committee.  (Nom-Nom-Nom)).  He is Armenian.  (This does not, as We initially suspected, indicate a penchant for wearing Armani.  Armenia is, according to Wikipedia, a country.  Who knew?  Meanwhile, if you start reading the (rather lengthy, for a country they just made up this morning) description of Armenia and the Armenians, and you have only had half a cup of coffee so far, your brain will consistently try to substitute “Americans” for “Armenians”, which will result in some really peculiar revisionist history.  Almost as though you were (subjunctively) reading a Texan textbook.)   Anyway.  We appear to have digressed.  Happy birthdfay to Our daughter, who turns twenty-four today.  Also, happy birthday to Jill, who, co-inky-dinky-ly, also turns twenty-four today.):

(So We spent the vast majority of Our weekend in Wilmington, entertaining the Wilmingtonians.  Wilmington, for those of you who are unfamiliar, is conveniently located just off of Exit 6 on I-95.  

(That was a little joke for OurSara, who is one of the few people actually reading this. Hi, Sara!)  Perhaps next weekend, We shall do the show in Armenia.  If We can figger out what exit THAT’S conveniently located off of.)

(So Fall has fallen with a fu(king thud, eh?  Suddenly it’s cold as a witch’s t1t in a brass brassiere out there.  Gah!  (We were about to say We’d never even made it to the beach this year, but We WERE at the beach in California for Our birfday courtesy of TCBITWWW.  Never let it be said that We don’t maintain journalistic integrity here at Erix Daily Horoscope.))

(Speaking of journalistic integrity, We are willing to bet that there are at least one or two of you who are contemplating the raison d’être (“Raison d’être” is, of course, Frawnch for “Raisinettes™ with the chocolate licked off”.   Extra credit points if you know what’s Frawnch for “nuts with the chocolate licked off”) for today’s Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus  Sidney Poitier Josephine Baker Nipsey Russell Condoleezza Rice.  It’s quite simple, actually.  If We were (subjunctively) wearing blackface, that is what We would look like.  From behind.)

(Is it racist to discuss wearing blackface if it’s only in the subjunctive?  Is it possible to be subjunctively racist?  If Helen Keller falls down in a forest, is there sound?)

(WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!)

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

There's nothing anyone can do right now to make you think for a second before expressing your thoughts. (But wait.  If We think about expressing Our thoughts, is the thought about thought expression one of the thoughts that We express, even if We didn’t think about the thought expression thought before We express it, do you think?  (See why We can never get anything done?  Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulism) is HARD!))

 Fortunately, (Which, no matter how much We wish it did, does NOT imply the imminent arrival of a fortune.)

you'll be so darned entertaining that no one will mind.  (Socks all around!)

They'll be laughing too hard to get mad. (Our fat @ssz in blackface will do that for a person.)

You want to get closer, but you're just not sure. (Also, We want to get closure, but We’re just not surly.)

(What?  Okay, We ARE surly, but how could We resist?)

Don't rush things. (Especially the Limbaugh.  (See what We did there?  Neither do We.))

Nature will either direct the course -- or not.  (Well, that clears THAT right up, dunnit?)

The only word that could possibly describe how you're feeling now is 'antsy.' (Close runners-up would be “aspidistra”, “aubergine”, and “Armenian”.)

Uncross those hands, (What does that even mean?)

get up and stop pretending it isn't happening. (Again with the antecedentless “it”.  Shut. Up. Kelli.)

Do something!  (Johnny Depp!)

Nail-biting doesn't count.  (How about c0cksucking?  Does c0cksucking work for you?)

Just don't say more than you need to, which might be tougher than it sounds right now. (Hey, We just said “Johnny Depp” and “c0cksucking”…We’re gonna be too busy to SAY anything.)

 

 (Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com

Nervous is why there’s new Cowgrass Dry)

Some cats & rats & elephants but sure as you're born you're never gonna see no unicorn

Greetings, Exterior Refurbishment Improves Chateau---

(Chateau, chapeau, Jacques Cousteau (eau, eau).)

(That was a little French Tourette’s Syndrome, to start your morning off right.  In case you’d mixed up your French toast with your French tickler.  (Oooh la la, Francois the French tickler.))

(Our Own Personal morning is going to be taken up building an ark.  But, before We undertake anything so arduous as actual BUILDING, We want to be sure that We can actually round up two members of the Swedish men’s Olympic swim team, two Abercrombie and Fitch models, two g@y male p0rn stars…)

(Hey, you can put the frigging two lemurs, two penguins, two naked mole rats, etc., on YOUR d@mn ark…do you have any idea what lemur p00p smells like?)

Here is your horoscope for Friday, October 01, 2010 (October, already!  Who knew?  Happy birthday in advance to CuteBoiInTights, who turns twenty-four over the weekend, and who isn’t reading this.  Remember when Our mamas raised Us with manners?  Clearly, some of Us don’t.) :

(So far, We have had a nun and a p00p joke.  We are just up to Our eyeballs in comedy in here this morning.)

(Meanwhile, latest reports from Our friends to the south at FringeWilmington are that We are going to sell out yet again, so get your tickets quick: http://www.shopcityfest.com/Fringe-Wilmington/Fringe-Performances/The-Real-Housewives-of-South-Philly .  They are only five dollars. And check out Our SitOnMyFaceBook event for more info: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=107145189347561&ref=mf .)

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

Your energy has been brighter and bolder — but it will be again, too! (Our energy has apparently been watching too many laundry detergent commercials.)

You just need to ride out this rough patch (Why?  Have the Abercrombie and Fitch models been manscaping again?)

and keep from getting too frustrated. (Oh, please.  All the p00py primates are on YOUR ark.  Scat queen.  OUR ark is a freakin’ circuit party.)

(Some of you no doubt find yourselves stuck back on the “riding out the rough patch” image.  We shall pause here for station identification to give you a chance to catch up.)

It may be a sign that you need to take a break.  (And not for coffee, neither.)

Hanging with your family is the ultimate getaway. (In the wake of the recent trends in the news, We shall tastefully refrain from making any “hanging” jokes just now.  Although We would no doubt quickly change Our mind(s) if We could get Our hands on some of the so-called “Christians” who are offering their opinions on same.)

You feel comfy and cozy and able to let all the recent tension of the past just slide away. (Hey, with a frenzy like this, who needs an enema?)

This may carry over into an urge to redecorate your pad (So is “redecorate your pad” a euphemism like “Aunt Flo coming for a visit”?  Inquiring minds want to know…)

(Heh.  “Redecorate your pad”.  We kill Us.)

or other ways to feather your nest and make it more welcoming. (Hmmm….feathers never occurred to Us.  Where’s that hot glue gun?)

Remember to consult with anyone else who shares your personal space before you make any drastic changes, though — they might want some input, too. (He could have all the d@mn “input” he wants, but We’re pretty sure he doesn’t swing that way.  (That joke is only gonna make sense to a very few of you.  I beg your pardon, I never promised you Marcia Gay Harden.))

 If you’re feeling moody, (Kickin’ down the cobblestones…lookin’ for tampons, feelin’ moooody….)

a saccharine movie with a friend might be just perfect. (Have you SEEN Perfect?  What were they THINKING?)

You get an emotional workout in a cathartic fashion, (Great.  We’ll be having Our period, explosive diarrhea, and projectile vomiting all at the same time.  Kiss Us quick, We’re Linda Blair.)

and then you should have someone to joke about it with later on.  (Har-de-fu(kin’-HAR.  Shut. Up. Kelli.)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com

Cowgrass…when you care enough to send the fairy dust)