You had one eye on the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte

Greetings, Excrement Reposeth In Chamberpot---


Here is your horoscope for Monday, March 29, 2010 (Happy Passover to all of Our friends who, much like Our Own Self, are habitually passed over. Lettuce just bypass discussions of the craptastic (craptastical? Craptasticular? Crapshooty? (Micro$oft Weird™ is really not helping Us with word choices this morning)) weather, and proceed directly to bidness. Among Our Eric’s Daily Horoscope readership, We have quite a large number of artists (not to mention the occasional artiste). Granted, because of our Own Personal proclivities, they tend to fall more into the writing/performing arts (actors, playwrights, poets, singers, musicians, the odd dancer (We Our Own Self Personally are an odd dancer, but We don’t necessarily consider that an art form)) than into the visual arts, but still, any artist worth his or her saltpeter (saltlick? Salted nuts? Saltza dancing?) is sensitive enough to view an artistic work in a medium other than their own and discern nuance, suBtlety, import, and meaning far beyond that discovered by a mere layperson (layette? Lame duck? Lays™ Potato Chip?). And that is how We know that, as you sit illuminated by the glow of your computer screen, contemplating the work of art that is today’s Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Fleur du Lis Grey Poupon, you are stroking your chins and exclaiming, almost in unison, “Day-um! Dude’s got some big-@ss ol’ feet!”):


(And that, boyzzz and gurrlllzzz, is what We call a long con joke. (But seriously, what the h3ll size could them feet be? Fourteen? Fifteen? And he looks like such a scrawny little thing otherwise. He must be hung like a refrigerator…))


(Somehow, We don’t expect “hung like a refrigerator” to enter the vernacular any time soon.)


(So, how’s your Holy Week treatin’ ya so far? Crazy March…in like a line dancer, out like a lambada. But at least it’s spring, and We can feel Our Own Personal motivations being motivated like motivators, motivationally. (We can also feel the earth. Move. Under Our feet. And the sky tumblin’ down, tumblin’ down. (Kiss Us quick, We’re Carole King. (Full disclosure: We initially typed “Kiss Us quick, We’re Carly Simon.” Remind Us again why these are two separate people?))))


(Apropos of absolutely nothing, does anybody out there have QuickTimePRO? Please let Us know…We have a video that We would like to look at, which We can only hear in regular QuickTime.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


There's a Full Moon in your Love Zone (Was that a fat joke?)


which can mean one of several things. (Or at least one of several chins.)


Firstly, (We just skipped ahead through the rest of this horoscope. You don’t get to have a “Firstly” if you aren’t going to have a “Sexily” and a “Thirstily”. Them’s the rules.)


if you and your partner are slowly but surely (Don’t call Us Shirley. We’ll call you.)


drifting away from each other, this Full Moon can be a sign that you're doing the right thing at the right time. (However, if you are doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, it may also turn out that you are doing the right thing at the right time. Further, if you are doing the wrong thing at the right time, that would seem to mean that it’s the right time to be doing the wrong thing, so you seem to be okay there. On the other hand, if you are doing the right thing at the wrong time, We suspect that the rightness of the thing is in some way time-dependent, so you are probably scr3wed. (Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulation), much like Math, is HARD!))


If you and your partner are loved-up (“Loved-up”? Jigga WHAT? (Being the Inquiring Mind that We are, We felt compelled to go Google “loved-up” on Wikipedia. Here is what We found: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=loved%20up (We are particularly enjoying the drug-related definitions.)))


and happy, then it means no such thing but is actually a time when you can and even should focus more on your lover. (If not, you should presumably focus more on your ficus.)


And if you're single, the Full Moon in your 7th House of Love now suggests it's time to draw a line under the last romance, ready for something new. (It would appear that “House of Love” means something different to Our Kelli. Other than, ya know, “wh0rehouse”. On the other hand, having only had coffee so far this morning, We are much more interested in the House of Pancakes. We could romance Ourselves a big ol’ plate of Rooty-Tooty Fresh-N-Frooty right about now, if ya know what We mean. And We think you do.)


(But seriously…how big ARE them feets?)



(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


cowgrass: looking good and doing you good)