Totally naked, baby, totally nude

Hello, Ducks!

             

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for WinesDay, December 4^nd, 2013.  Happy Birthday to Our Sistah Ovella, who turns twenty-four today over in Camden, New Jersey.  Where they made up “soup in a can”.  And not a moment too soon, neither, as people were getting real tired of the previous concept, “pocketfuls of soup”.

We were about to point out, all excitedly, Our newly-learned fact that Our Sistah Ovella shares a birthday with Wink Martindale.  Turns out, We had newly-learned that self-same fact last year, and apparently, promptly forgot it.  Sometimes it seems as though Our senility has Alzheimer’s disease.

You put your brain cells in, you put your brain cells out, you put your brain cells in, and you shake ‘em all about.  You do the…

What’s that dance called again?

In other news, Happy Hump Day to the rest of all y’all.  This would be the portion of Our program where We remind you that all the excitement of Picturing Blair In The Buff Week continues apace.  We are somewhat chagrinned that this is Our third such audience recognition event (the first, of course, having been Picturing Allen And Kevin Naked Week, and the second, Picturing Bryan’s Birthday Suit Week (We’re fairly certain Bryan still has no idea that happened)), and We have yet to receive so much as one picture of any of Our honorees’ junk.  Where’s all this damn sexting these kidz are supposed to be doing?  Also, get off Our lawn!

Moving on, We have been perusing the avalanche of entries over at Holidailies™ (http://www.holidailies.org/ ).  Holidailies™, in case you have been nakedly skimming, is a portal/porthole/piehole where a gaggle/bevy/murder of bloggers all commit to posting daily blog entries for the entire month of December.  Said entries are listed in the order in which they were posted, accompanied by a short excerpt or summary.  For which, quite frankly, Thank Gawd, because said excerpts or summaries have allowed Us and Our short attention span to pick and choose, as We could not possibly read every contribution.

Turns out, these Holidaily™ people?  Write Things That Have A Point.  Which would, at first blush, seem to make Us a whore of another color.  Long-time Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! readers, however, will recall that We DO have an overall point, which is to make YouPeople feel better (or, sometimes, saner) by comparison. 

You’re welcome.

That said, We are about to embark on a short screed which (A.) has an actual point and (2.) is quasi-serious.  Also, it has nothing to do with dick.  (You’re shocked, We can tell.)

Here We go:

(It just occurred to Us that it’s Wednesday, and We still haven’t done Sunday’s New York Times crossword puzzle.)

(Sorry.)

So We have learned, in Our twenty-four years on this little blue globe of Ours, that people have difficulty coping with unsolicited niceness.  And, this being the time of year (supposedly) when there will be more of said niceness than usual, We thought We’d offer a little insight.

Now, We’re not talking about the sort of one-off nicenesses that happen naturally in the course of everyday life.  (Although We ARE, parenthetically (hence the parentheses), concerned that, while Micro$oft Weird™ acknowledges the existence of a singular “niceness”, it refuses to allow for the existence of any MORE “nicenesses”.  Sigh.)  Anyone who’s not a complete barbarian knows that, if someone, say, holds the door for you, you say “thank you”.  If someone buys you coffee today, you say “thank you” and buy them coffee tomorrow.

(We just got distracted…when did We start following Jeff Stryker on SitOnOurFaceBook?)

But what about an ongoing campaign of niceness involving time and effort on the part of the nicer?  (For the purposes of this discussion,  We shall assume that the nicer is not incurring any financial expenses in the course of said campaign, as fiscal inequality is not a wicket into which We wish to stick it.)

(You did all get that We are now identifying the two people involved in this transaction as “the nicer (nice-er)” and “the nicee (nice-ee)”, right?)

As the nicee, you might be unable or unwilling to reciprocate.  You might even suspect the nicer of having (dun-dun-dun) ulterior motives.  And you might even be right.

But guess what?  While you are by no means obligated to give in to whatever the ulterior motives may be, or to reciprocate, or even to say “thank you” (although that last is stretching a point), you really MUST acknowledge that a niceness is happening.

Why, you ask?

Because the nicer MIGHT just be a person who does nice things.  And, if those nice things are not acknowledged, he or she might be just a little less likely to do them next time.

Which means that, by failing to at least acknowledge the nice things, you could be cheating some future recipient out of nicenesses.

Meanie.

Now please note that “acknowledgement” can consist of (and Our Southern Gentle Readers will understand this best) as little as the simple phrase “bless your heart”, but still, acknowledgement there must be.

(Meanwhile, “meanie” isn’t a word?  The hell?!?)

Okay, Our crossword puzzle is calling.  Moving on….

In still other news We are once again sharing with you Our very most favoritest Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope  video (Sagittarius) with you (see above).  Here is the link with which you may share it with others: http://youtu.be/6f1m5GLfk1Y  You’re welcome.

And here’s the HorrorScope…

So, wait…it’s National Cookie Day?  YouPeople never tell Us anything. (Chord Overstreet told Us.  Mmmm...Chord Overstreet...)

 You can make a real difference as long as you believe in yourself (How can We believe in Ourself when We know We’re imaginary?)

 — so make sure that you’re giving yourself the benefit of the doubt  (Why is it that the doubt only ever has one benefit?)

and marching forward toward your epic destiny!  (To say nothing of Our manifest destiny.  (That, for the non-history-buffs among you, is Our guarantee that We shall end up as wide as a continent.  (And, possibly, incontinent.)))

The best thing you can do for yourself today is to get more physically active.  (Or win PowerBall™.  That’d be okay, too.)

Jog an extra block or so. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park extremely far away from your destination and enjoy the fresh air. (We hate when all of a sudden Kelli starts speaking in incomprehensible tongues.)

You are capable of doing more than you think, and today is a wonderful day to push yourself. (Oh, please.  Pushing yourself is for people who don’t have pushers.)

It’s nice to feel the drive toward success, but sometimes you need to get out and walk.  (Wethinks you are, how you say, MixMastering your metaphors.)

Don’t forget to watch out for those around you who are just a wee bit shy, who may need a little encouragement to open up in sweet ways.  (We’ve already told ‘em to sext Us pictures of their junk….what the hell else are We supposed to do?)

Happy Picturing Blair In The Buff Week!

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                     

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Hello, Ducks!

             

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! For GoodPieRupeeTuesday,  December 3^th , 2013.

Happy Birthday to David, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.   Also, Happy Birthday to Nicky, who also turns twenty-four today.  In New York.  New York, New York.  The City That Doesn’t Sleep (With Us).

And, last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Birthday to Harriet, who turns twenty-four today all the way out in WeHo, El Lay.

(Finally, a day on which none of the birthday geography flummoxes Us.  Now watch, tomorrow, they’ll all be celebrating in Bangladesh Slowly.)

(We’ll wait here for you while that one hits…THERE ya go.)

We are already quite sufficiently flummoxed by the confusion that is Our day to date.  We have just come from a lunch meeting wherein( remind Us to say something about “wherein” later) We discussed penning the script for the next murder mystery (yes, indeed, ladies and genitals, the current show is now playing in its ninth month, so, if you have any interest in seeing it, holler at Us before its water breaks.)

We came out of Our lunch meeting to discover that, despite being December Turd, it is sunny (contrary to what Danny DeVito would have you believe, it is NOT always sunny here) and almost fifty-five degrees.  Trust Us, We are not complaining; We are just trying to type this really quickly so We can go and frolic.  And gambol.  And stuff.

Then We got home to discover that, not only do We have opposable thumbs, but also Our show,  LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour has been accepted into Centre Theatre’s Independent Voices Festival in January.  We may just have to run to a busy street corner and throw up Our hat like Mary Tyler Moore.

We have made the executive decision to put off what was to be today’s topic until tomorrow, thereby giving Ourself more time to gambol (and yet, oddly, less time to proctor…go figger.)

“The name’s Proctor…JOHN Proctor.”  Who wouldn’t watch THAT version of The Crucible?

Oh, We forgot about “wherein”  (you were supposed to remind Us).  We have, of late, been trying out an experiment wherein We SitOnMyFaceBook message those people who are mentioned in the day’s e-pissode of Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!  For example, David, Nicky, and Harriet, who are mentioned above, would all get such a notification.  As would Blair, since Picturing Blair In The Buff Week is still in full swing.

Now, the important thing to note about this notification is that it employs the word “wherein”.  To wit, "We are trying out a new plan wherein We message people mentioned in Our daily horoscope."

For the most part, people do not respond, which is fine.  And We have no way of knowing whether they go and read the e-pissode or not.  Occasionally, someone will say “thanks” or something complimentary, which is lovely, but, again, unnecessary.

What they should NOT say, however, is, “I'm trying a new plan wherein I use wherein, heretofor and, perforce, perforce in random messages. Thereby.”  Because (A.) We will call them out for being an assmunch before (2.) pointing out how stupid they look for not knowing that “heretofore” ends in an E.  We realize that ‘Murrica worships at the feet of stupidity, but We will NOT be mocked IN OUR OWN FORUM for knowing what “wherein” means.

Assmunch.

In still other news We are once again sharing with you Our very most favoritest Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope  video (Sagittarius) with you (see above).  Here is the link with which you may share it with others: http://youtu.be/6f1m5GLfk1Y  You’re welcome.

And now, in the interests of increased frolic/gambol time, herewith (We know what THAT means, too, MuthaFuckah) a reading by Madame Olivia:

Greetings Starzina ~

It is very good to see you again.

An excellent stratagem for getting things done is to construct your list of things to do in the form of physical action required. For example, instead of "buy present for love object," list "walk to chocolate shop at lunch and buy present for love object." This makes the task easier to do, and thus more likely you'll do it!

Dear Aries, with Uranus in Aries you may be feeling some serious activation, maybe pulls toward some big changes, in systems, ways of thinking, geography. These changes can be both exciting and a little scary. Madame Olivia is thinking that the best course of action for now may be a bit of wait-and-see. You don't have to make the move or come up with an answer or solution just because somebody else is in a hurry. When possible, take your time.

Look for the color or scent of lavender to carry meaning in coming days

Godspeed and good wishes from Madame Olivia until next time.

(We do so enjoy the recent increase in Madame O’s “Uranus” references.)

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.