Good morning, StarShine!

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Thursday, May 26, 2011.  Happy birthday to Dave, who turns twenty-four today.  Unless, of course, One calculates in Base Eight, in which case he turns eleventy-umpty-pi.  And happy birthday also to Frank, who also turns twenty-four today, and has the good sense to leave Base Eight alone.

It occurred to Us that it’s been a while since We threw Our str8 boi readers a bone.  Hence today’s Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Cher Charo Sade Coco Chanel.  You’re welcome.

We have a kabillion things to do, and no time to do them, so We have really just popped in for an abbreviated horoscope (a HoSco, if you will. Or even if you won’t.  Who says it’s got anything to do with YOU?) and to remind you to:

Watch Our video.

Like Our video.

Favorite Our video.

Share Our video with your friends.  If you have any.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBwdacfn2Vk

Here is what passes for Our horoscope today.  Perhaps one of you would care to comment.  We?  Would not:

You're all set to go all out -- to leave no stone unturned when it comes to getting The Project done, and done right. Just be sure you realize that one of anything won't do right now. Two, as it turns out, may also be tough to stick with.  Stop squinting. It's not you, but it's not them, either. It's a 'failure to communicate,' and there's just no way to fix it now. Take a time-out on that conversation.  What you want, you'll have -- no doubt about it. With this much power in your eager little hands, it might be best to choose your quest carefully.  Overtime is definitely on the agenda, and lots of it. Cleaning up someone else's mess is never fun -- but the kudos will be nice. Oh, and the cash won't hurt, either.

Happy early weekend; see you on the flip side.

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com )

*****************************************************************************  

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really.  She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman.  At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.  There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste.  Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

Fascinatin’ rhythm, I’m all a-quiver

Greetings, Entrails Reading Indicates Constipation---


Here is your horoscope for Monday, May 24, 2010 (Happy Monday to all of Our readers out there in MondayLand. As you can tell from Our Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Yves St. Laurent Charles de Gaulle Pepe LePew CoCo Puffs Chanel, today was supposed to be “Put your big girl panties on and deal with it” Day here at the Mouseketeers’ Club. (Although imagining the critter in the pixture wearing panties is just a little beyond Our scope at this juncture. (You do realize that “scope” in that particular sentence does NOT refer to Eric’s Daily Horoscope; if it did, it would be “’scope”. And realizing that, you have probably gone on to wondering why, if it’s “pixture”, it’s not also “junxture”. And henceforth, it shall be.)) At any rate, We got a late start today after some gastrointestinal ructions caused by a Rancid Banana Incident (that’ll teach you not to show up where We tell you to), so We are currently not wearing any panties at all, Big Girl or otherwise. (We were about to say that We hoped that viZZZualizing that made your morning, when We noticed that it had slipped, suddenly, into afternoon. Quel frommage.) So “Put your big girl panties on and deal with it” Day will just have to be tomorrow, which is just as well, considering that Our panties say “Tuesday” on them. (Which is particularly alarming to people on Fridays; We have no idea why.)):


(So Lost ended. We were most taken aback by the number of jackasses who were apparently spending their first day on the WorldWideInterWebNetz, busily spoiling the thing before it was even over on the East Coast. Really, people? Your SitOnMyFaceBook statuses? (Stati? Stalactite, stalagmite, Stalag 17…) As though somehow, out of the millions of Us who were watching, YOUR opinion of the finale was somehow definitive. Dream on, puny mortals. Who do you think you are, Eric’s Daily Horoscope?)


(Speaking of stupid people, Creative ViZZZualizationas and Daily Affirmations remind US of this (safe for work):

(Which, in turn, reminds Our friends at Dr. CoolSex Comedy of this (also safe for work)):

http://www.youtube.com/user/DrCoolSex#p/u/0/9NbdXnkFR2o

(This just in: piranhas don’t kill people; people kill people.)

(Our Our-O-Scope.)


Before you decide there's no way you could ever possibly do what 'they' have asked of you, take a moment to think about exactly what it involves. (Well, if it involves panty-wearing, it ain’t happenin’.)


You may be so frustrated with past issues (To say nothing of passed tissues, post fissures, and pastiche shoes. (You say “pistachio”, We say “nuts”; let’s call the whole thing off.))


(What?)


that you aren't able to clearly see your present capabilities. (Wait…there are presents? And it’s not even Our birthday…)


Explain to whoever you're supposed to be seeing tonight that it's just not possible -- and not because you don't want to be there. (Ah, but We are aiding and abetting at the teaching of sketch comedy tonight. Passing on Our wit and wisdom to a new generation, as it (subjunctively) were. (For those whose translation skills are not quite as finely honed as they might be, the preceding two sentences read: “cute college bois”.))


(Much like the other day’s (very fleeting) “good mood”, “those whose” also looks like it should rhyme but doesn’t. Sigh.)


Reschedule, and apologize very sweetly. (So We’re guessing that “too bad, so sad, @nal s3x with your dad” won’t cut it?)


Maybe some roses are in order? (Someone gave Us roses once. We wound up flat on Our back with Our legs in the air. Our friends all said, “Honey, ain’t you got a VASE?”)


(Ba-DUMP-bump.)


Stop scowling at yourself in the mirror. (This is Our face. This is Our face on Midol™. Any questions?)


You're fine, just the way you are. (Oh, goody. So Billy Joel loves Us.)


If you can't make yourself believe that after several tries, ask an objective friend for their opinion. (We are much more likely to ask an opinionated friend for their objections.)


Stop wondering what you could possibly have done differently. (We doubt We could even do it the same.)


You can't undo what's been done. (But can you redo what’s been undone? Undulating donations, do-rag the trombone.)


(What?)


Besides, everything happens for a reason. Accept it all unconditionally. (See above: Creative ViZZZualization/Daily Affirmation.)






(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




cowgrass…it does a body good)