They got the fire down below

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday,  December Turdiest, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Alyson, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back. 

Happy Birthday also to Kyle, who also turns twenty-four today, also  right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.

And Happy Birthday to Ethan, who and turns twenty-four today.  In Hoboken, which is a suburb of New York, New York: The City That Doesn’t Sleep (With Us). Which is where Jason turns twenty-four today (and Happy Birthday, Jason), unless he’s on world tour somewhere. (Or should that be “on world tour everywhere”?  (Geography is difficult, especially around the holidays.))

Happy Belated Birthday, meanwhile, to Chelsea, and Cliff, and David, and Justin, each of whom turned twenty-four sometime since We last e-pisstled.  

And last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Belated Birthday to Steve, who historically reenacts the only Founding Father who, apparently, was hawtt.  (Thomas Jefferson, in case you were wondering.)

We Our Own Self Personally have returned from The Hinterlands, where We celebrated The Holidays with The Sainted Mother and various and sundry family.  Upon Our return, We were whirlwind-visitated upon by TCBITWWW (The Cutest Boy In The Whole Wide World, for you newbs), and have only just today returned to (what, for Us, passes for) normal.  And tomorrow, We are back to the grind at the Murder Mystery Factory, where at least, on a positive note, paychecks await Us.

Speaking of hysterical reenactments AND paychecks, We are about to embark upon a directing endeavor at a local historical landmark which may be of interest, at this point, to some of Our Gentle Readers who are Fluffya actors.  Herewith some info; hit Us up for more:

The Mechanical Theater seeks male and female actors for upcoming production of “She Stoops to Conquer.”

Auditions will be held on January 11th from 1 pm to 3 pm and January 12th from 6 pm to 8 pm at the Physick House (321 South 4^th Street.)

The production will take place at the Powel House (244 South 3rd Street) from April 9^th through April 19^th. The play is a Restoration Comedy first performed in London in 1773.  The production will be directed by Eric Singel. 

Please send a headshot and resume to Loretta.vasile@gmail.com. Auditions will consist of reading from the script.  No monologue required.  Auditioners will be seen on a first come first served basis.  If you would like to audition but can only come shortly after the specified times please let us know and we will try to accommodate you.  Actors will receive 7.6% of the gross ticket sales as compensation.

(This is the company that produced the Walker and O’Dare radio plays in which you, of course, saw Us perform, as well as this past Halloween’s sold-out run of The Masque of Poe. Info on ticket sales will follow.  Be there or be square.)

In other news, here is the e-pissode from last Christmas season that everybody seems (according to Our Google-O-Meter™)  to be revisiting all of a sudden:  http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/12/she-works-hard-for-money.html   Enjoy!

And check out Our Best Of Holidailies™ Award  here:

 http://www.holidailies.org/entries/bestof#entry-1286

and go to the e-ntry directly here:

 http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/12/time-passages.html .

Here is the link with which you may share Our Capricorn video with both of your friends:   http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM

And here, for your further edification, is Our very first Capricorn video:

Upon reflection, these two videos are amongst Our much more densely-plotted cinematic efforts, due to the fact that Our director actually is a Capricorn (although quite unlike the unseen character from the videos).

We often ponder, in the endless time afforded to Us by the fact that We are almost universally ignored, how many of Our Gentle Readers actually realize that, if viewed in order, Our videos actually have ongoing plots and storylines.  Then, of course, We realize that Our Gentle Readers are all imaginary, and we curl up into the fetal position…

Moving on, didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001?  And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-singel/erics-daily-horoscope-2004/paperback/product-300894.html  ? 

Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.

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In celebrity birthday news, it is the birthday of someone called Ryan Sheckler, who is famous for being a “skateboarder”.  Which is apparently now a thing.  And here, We would have thought he would be famous for “looking like that”.

You are finding it easier than ever to push yourself in a bold new direction  (Clearly, Kelli has heard about Our “Plaid Is Not A Color” campaign.)

— so take a second look at your goals and figure out what you really want to do with the next year or so.  (Win PowerBall™.)

Not all people fulfill their promises, (No…rilly?!?)

and today you get a fresh perspective on someone who is veering close to being a hypocrite.  (Note to Self:  attempt to ascertain why there are so many hypocrites, and yet apparently no hypercrites.)

This person’s aims are more ambitious than their abilities. (And you should see his anus!  (And he should see Uranus!  (And you both could live happily ever after!)))

Believe what you see and form your own opinions. (Fine…show Us Uranus.)

Your honest assessment could help them, (Is the phrase “ass assessment” now occurring to anyone?  Just Us?  Alrighty, then.)

but are you willing to chance their volatile reaction? (Do We really want “Uranus”, “ass assessment”, and “volatile reaction” all in the same paragraph?  We think not.)

Keep your distance from folks (Whose ass assessment reveals a volatile reaction?)

who aren’t capable of facing facts. (Them too.  (For those who enjoy glimpses behind Our Highly-Trained Professional scenes, We are currently torn between a “fart” joke, and a “flinging poo” joke.  Decisions, decisions.))

Are you gonna wait around, or will you step up and make the first move? (Hey, you’re  the ass(tromalogical) ho(roscopulist)…shouldn’t you KNOW what We’re “gonna” do?)

The stars definitely favor the latter now. (That’s a typo…the stars actually favor the latte.)

Send messages to a couple of hotties online.  (So many of Our Gentle Readers are hotties.. (Paging Thomas Jefferson…Thomas Jefferson to the white courtesy phone…))

 Ask that certain someone out to lunch.  (What if they already ARE out to lunch?)

(Heh…see what We did there?)

(Who wants cake?)

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                    

Look, I’ll call you in the morning or my service will explain

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for JustAnotherManOverboardMonday, April 14^rd , 2014.

Happy Birthday to Adam, who turns twenty-four today all the way out in O Hai, Ohio.  Where, apparently, they grow some excellent specimens of the male of the species.  We really must round up Our wagon train and trundle a trek out yonder, with Our bus-and-truck tour of Little Whore On The Prairie.

“Little”, naturally, being a relative term.

Happy belated Birthday, meanwhile, to Dana, and Jared, and Shoshonna, and Teresa, and Thomas, each of whom turned twenty-four this past weekend somewhere on this glorious little globe of Ours.

Lest you accuse Us of roundabout clandestine namedropping, We shall just come right out (heh) and tell you that the Thomas in the preceding paragraph is none other than the author of the Declaration of Independence and the third President of these United States, Thomas Alva Jefferson, father of George and Weezie Jefferson, second cousin twice removed of Jefferson Davis, founder of the Jefferson Starship, and inventor of the electric light bulb, the electric chair, and the electric boogaloo.

We are fortunate enough to be able to hobnob with such exalted personages because We live in The Cradle Of American Civilization, nestled between the New World’s answer to the Tigris and Euphrates, Fluffya. (Also, said exalted personage is a seven-foot-tall red-headed Hottie McHott Hott With Hawtt Sauce, who happens to be Our SitOnMyFaceBook friend.)

Speaking of SitOnMyFaceBook, We will not be taking a quiz any time soon to determine the color of Our aura.  The color of Our aura generally depends on what We had for lunch.

Yes, indeed, ladies and genitals, from hobnobbing with Founding Fathers to fart jokes…We do it all here at Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!

We ventured forth from The Cradle Of American Civilization yesterday to see Musical of Musicals: The Musical at the Montgomery Theater (We’re not exactly clear on where We were geographically, but We suspect We were somewhere near the O Hai, Ohio border. (If you imagine that such intrepid exploration was occasioned by one or more handsome young gentlemen, you would be entirely correct.))

At any rate, if you are one of Our far-flung Gentle Readers, you should definitely give your horsie a carrot and have him carry you on out to this show, wherever it may be, as it is a great deal of laugh-out-loud fun.  Info is here (apparently, they have InterNetz in The Hinterlands now…who knew?):  http://www.montgomerytheater.org/shows/musical-musicals-musical

In other news, please Save The Date for Saturday, May 10^th, as the WaitStaff will be playing The Mother of All Match Games at L’Etage.  More on that story as it develops, but inside sources tell Us that Jesus H. Christ’s celebrity chair will be taken by His Mother, Mrs. Mary MotherOfGod! You won’t want to miss THAT!

In still other news, Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! is coming up on a landmark…We will very shortly be celebrating our THOUSANDTH e-pissode in Bloggonia! Stay tuned for updates on the festivities!

We find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the glorious sign of Aries, the harbinger of Spring and the anniversary of Our Own Personal nativity.  Our Aries video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends:

http://youtu.be/saxvaR85vYU

Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Aries video, featuring Our mother, Rosie Starfish, for comparison:

Also also, now that We have left Pisces, We need to randomly mention Johnny Depp, to return him to Number One Cited Celebrity status here at Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!  We wouldn’t want him to get mad.

And here’s the HorrorScope:

A note to Our “Celebrity” Birthday Website:  if you cannot find a picture of the person in question anywhere on the WorldWideInterWebNetz, perhaps they are not quite the “celebrity” you imagine them to be.  Just sayin’.

Think about what that person in front of you really wants before taking action — they are almost certainly not revealing the whole truth. (Is anyone else disappointed when liars’ pants don’t actually catch fire?)

It’s not too hard to figure it out, though!  (There’s no such thing as “too hard”.  Much like “too rich”, “too thin”, or “looking too much like Zac Efron”.)

You’re going to have an enthusiastic fan today, (Just the one?)

and he or she will be singing your praises to anyone who will listen (So it’ll be like a musical then?)

— try not to blush too much!  (What is this, some Victorian operetta?  Do We need Our smelling salts?)

This wave of adulation might make you feel embarrassed at first, but as the day wears on and you take bow after bow, you’ll start to enjoy the sensation of being recognized for your work — and it will feel good. (Okay, all We took from that random string of words was the fact that “Wave of Adulation” would be a great band name.)

 This is a boost to your ego, (Leggo Our Eggo™.)

which means it’s a good time to initiate new projects. (Remind Us exactly when We started running a fraternity?  (Not that it doesn’t sound like a BRILLiant idea, you understand.))

You’re unstoppable.  (Does that sentence make anyone else think of diarrhea?  Just Us?  Alrighty, then.)

No one is hotter than you, (With the exception of George and Weezie Jefferson, pretty much everyone We have mentioned herein so far is.)

with your heart pounding, all worked up over some new interest or passion. (Sigh.)

Get your body moving and meet some new people — is it yoga? (You’re making the predictions, Bee-Yotch.)

 Stamp collecting?  (Seriously?)

Midnight bowling? (Okay, “Midnight Bowling” is totally a euphemism, riiiiight?)

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.