Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for JustAnotherMasturbation:It’sNotJustForBreakfastAnyMoreMonday,
November 18st, 2013. Happy Birthday to Kathy, who turns
twenty-four today all the way out in La
Pittsburgh. Also, Happy Birthday to
Jackie, who turns twenty-four today. In Georgia. Which, much like La Pittsburgh, We can
actually point to on a map. We would say
We are feeling like a geographic idiot savant, but We are immediately defeated
by the city in which Jackie is turning
twenty-four: Dracula. Which We have just
as much chance of pointing to on a map as Uranus.
Happy Belated Birthday, meanwhile, to Becky,
who Says, who turned twenty-four all the way back on Friday, when We Simply.
Couldn’t. Even. Produce an e-pisstle.
She did her twenty-four-turning in, We have verified via SitOnMyFaceBook,
NORTH Carolina. (Didja know there are TWO Carolinas? There are TWO Carolinas. We have no idea why. (Although We will grant
you that there is a better reason to have TWO Carolinas than there is to have
TWO Dakotas.))
Becky has, We are informed, Madd Crafting
Skillz, among, if We recall correctly, is the ability to crochet. Consequently, today’s Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!
Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Marilyn McCoo Maya Angelou Runaround Sue is in her
honor.
We are trying, however, to improve Ourself as
a person, and part of what We are working on is living in This Particular
Moment, instead of anticipating (The Horror Of) The Upcoming Moment. Why, We are working so hard at this that We
are practically a Zen Buddhist. From
Budapest. (Wherever the fuck THAT is.)
Lest you think We have been completely taken
over by a pod person, We WILL say, on the negative side, that yesterday was A
Very Long Day. We left home shortly
before 1:30, and did not arrive back till almost 11PM. And most of that time was spent in transit.
However.
The weather was absolutely gorgeous (which it
is again today…We shall have to wrap this up soon and get the hell out into the
sunshine (with apologies to those of Our
Gentle Readers in places where the weather has not been so gorgeous)).
And may We just say, We LOVE doing Our
show! We loved it so much yesterday that
We made Our Own Self laugh during the proceedings. So if you are amongst those who haven’t seen it
yet, rest assured that it will be returning soon to a theater near you. Resistance is futile.
Even the travel portion of Our program was
cooperative. Beginning, in fact, the
night before, when a SEPTA bus driver actually made an unscheduled stop so We
could get on his bus. Both Our train to
AND from God’s Country were exactly on time, with Our train home actually
arriving at Suburban Station early. And then, a SEPTA guard passed Us through a
gate and We got a free ride home on the Broad Street Subway!
Now, a free ride on the Broad Street Subway might
not sound like a very big deal to some of you.
After all, We have any number of opportunities daily to smell Our very
Own urine, but We very rarely do, so why should We get excited over a free
opportunity to smell the urine of others?
Well, ladies and genitals, We ride the Broad Street Subway because We
have to, and, since We have to, We like it better when it’s free.
Meanwhile, is it just Us, or does The Urine Of Others sound like a
brilliant title for something? Perhaps a
bodice-ripping Harlequin™ romance. About
watersports.
(Micro$oft Weird™ doesn’t think “watersports”
is a word. Micro$oft Weird™ clearly
travels in different circles than We.
(Heh…get it? “Weeee”.))
We would also like to thank all of those who kept Us company via texting during Our Travels As Our Aunt (Clara).
We shall no doubt be returning to God’s
Country with Our show in the not-too-distant future (although, presumably,
after the holidays). So, if you would
like to check out where Starzina Entertained The Amish, go here:
And now, as We would
like to go out and soak up some sunshine, a horoscope courtesy of Madame
Olivia:
But first, We would like to point out that it is
Elizabeth Perkins’s birthday. The website where We find such information includes
a one-sentence “this-is-who-this-celebrity-is-in-case-you-didn’t-know” blurb
with each celebrity birthday. Ms.
Perkins should be suing them at any moment because her blurb? “She played
Fred's wife Wilma in The Flintstones movie.”
Greetings, Eric---
Welcome back and thank you for consulting Madame Olivia.
This is an excellent time to take stock of your resources.
Simply sitting down and looking at where the money is going is a great idea.
It's a kind of mindfulness and can give you a sense of control and also ease
decision-making. Both will increase your happiness quotient.
Madame Olivia sees a surprise affirmation coming from an
unexpected source. Just what the doctor ordered, little Aries. The world
doesn't know how much these voiced appreciations mean to you. And you richly
deserve them!
Verb of the hour: explore
Madame Olivia sends to you her own positive energy and best
wishes for your continued journey.
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but
better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For
real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good
friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate
entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries),
which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and
won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate
in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is
absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal
blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the
Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets
and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
