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Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Friday’s Eve (for that “not-so-fresh” feeling) ,  December TwennyFivest, 2014.

Happy Christmas to all of Our Christmassian Gentle Readers.  We hope that all of your stockings are well hung by the chimney by Cher, in hopes that Jack Nicklaus remembers to Nair™.  Here in The Hinterlands, We are endeavoring to put the Chris back in Christmas, although We are having trouble deciding between Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, and Chris Pratt.

Here is the link with which you may share that Capricorn video with both of your friends:  http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM

And here, for your further edification, is Our very first Capricorn video:

Upon reflection, these two videos are amongst Our much more densely-plotted cinematic efforts, due to the fact that Our director actually is a Capricorn (although quite unlike the unseen character from the videos).

We often ponder, in the endless time afforded to Us by the fact that We are almost universally ignored, how many of Our Gentle Readers actually realize that, if viewed in order, Our videos actually have ongoing plots and storylines.  Then, of course, We realize that Our Gentle Readers are all imaginary, and we curl up into the fetal position…

In other news, here is the e-pissode from last Christmas season that everybody seems (according to Our Google-O-Meter™)  to be revisiting all of a sudden:  http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/12/she-works-hard-for-money.html   Enjoy!

On a positive note, check out Our Best Of Holidailies™ Award  here:  

http://www.holidailies.org/entries/bestof#entry-1286 

and go to the e-ntry directly here:  

http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/12/time-passages.html .

Moving on some more, didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001?  And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here:http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-singel/erics-daily-horoscope-2004/paperback/product-300894.html ? 

Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.

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In celebrity birthday news, Rod Serling was born on Christmas.  How weird izzat?  (See what We did there?)

Greetings Starzina ~

It's nice to have you back. Welcome to Madame Olivia.

It is clear to Madame Olivia that we would all do well to simplify, simplify! Studies show that the fewer possessions we have to worry about, the happier we are. Easier said than done, but a useful guide when you're debating about a nonessential purchase and a helpful push toward getting rid of stuff. A bit of weekly weeding is a personal goal of Madame Olivia's. Just a thought.

Is Madame Olivia right, dear Aries, that people are surprised to learn you are in fact an Aries? It's such a powerful sign and yet you go through life with humility. Madame Olivia doesn't want to tamper with this beautiful quality but right now you should feel free to impose your will on others. Your ultimate goal, after all, is to insure the greatest good for all concerned. Don't let modesty or fear get in your way.

Word of the hour for you: imagine

Godspeed and good wishes from Madame Olivia until next time.

For your next reading, look for an email invitation in a few days from the very busy Madame Olivia!

     

(Who wants cake?)       

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                           

Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for, March 13^st , 2014.

Happy Birthday to TheLovelyAndTalented Ian, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.

Meanwhile, break out the fur-lined granny panties, ladies and genitals, they tell Us it’s forty degrees colder today than it was yesterday.  And that’s just in Our cold, black heart…

These are very strange times in which We live (if, in fact, you can call this “living”).  After wishing a Happy Birthday to Sean yesterday (habitual Gentle Readers will recall sculpted-out-of-white-chocolate Sean, who turned twenty-four yesterday somewhere in the vicinity of WeHo  (please note that, by “habitual”, We do NOT mean “wearing habits”.  We suspect that there are very few nuns perusing these e-pisstles (although We should point out that, it being his birthday, Ian might be wearing just about anything.  One can only IMAGINE Sister Brittany Lynn Explains It All For You))), We discovered that We had Sean’s cell phone number stored in Our cell phone…from a time when neither of us (and nobody else) had cell phones!

Who let Rod Serling in here?

In other news, OurMizJill posted a pixture of her pussy on SitOnMyFaceBook this morning.  Said pussy was pensively peering out a window, and is presumably named “Penny”, as the caption was “How much is that Penny in the window?”

Now, those of you who know Us will know that We are certainly not about to go off on a riff about cats (you DID know We were talking about a CAT, didn’t you?  Perverts.), or the naming of cats, or, for that matter TS Eliot in general.  (Honest to god, if We were (subjunctively) any more literate, We’d speak English).

However, the word “penny” caused some long-neglected brain cell to misfire, and remind Us that We recently found, on the street somewhere, a plastic penny. A well-crafted, numismatically-correct, about-the-size-of-a-penny plastic penny. Which caused Us to cogitate upon just what exactly might be the use for such an object.  We are unable to think of a single instance in which, if One wished to use a penny, One wouldn’t simply use an actual penny.

And then, of course, One wonders what it costs to manufacture a plastic penny…

In other other news, OurMizJill’s friend Josh was discoursing (did that sound dirty to you?  Because it sounded dirty to Us…what if We change it to “was waxing poetic”?  No, that’s worse…) on SitOnMyFaceBook this morning also, on the subject of some piece of hardware…or maybe software…We don’t remember…(is there some term that covers BOTH hardware AND software? (Yeah…underwear. (Heh.  See what We did there?  We kill Us.)), and he used the sentence, “In a perfect world, that would be ideal.”

Do We even need to say it?

Meanwhile, didja ever notice how We’re more and more like the gay Andy Rooney?  Except We have better-groomed eyebrows.  And We’re not dead.

Moving on, in ass(tromalogical) ho(roscopular) news, We have entered the sign of Pisces, Our most recent video for which is above.  Here is the link with which you may share it with your friends: http://youtu.be/KMNgwWwNux8 

Because you do that, don’t you?  DON’T YOU?

And here, because We can resist no opportunity to share it, is Our FIRST Pisces video, starring the now non-teen-aged Justin Bieber.  :

In horrifying news, We had better best get the fuck out of Pisces FAST, because We just discovered that Justin Bieber has now surpassed Johnny Depp as Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!’s most-cited celebrity.  Jeebus.

http://www.queerty.com/justin-biebers-penis-will-be-redacted-from-police-security-footage-sorry-everyone-20140305/

And now, the HorrorScope:

In celebrity birthday news, it is Francisco Lachowski’s birthday. You don’t know who that is, you say?  Google him on Wikipedia, and blow out his candle.  You’re welcome.

It’s definitely time for bold action (Alternatively, it could also be time for a bald auction.)

— so step up and make sure that your people are really paying attention. (Sorry…did you say something?)

(Wait…We have people?!?)

Things should start to get really interesting sometime in the late afternoon.  (They SHOULD…but they never do.)

Opportunities will pop up in the most unusual places, (All around the mulberry bush, The Monkees chased Vin Diesel…)

(What?)

but you have to be ready to jump before they slip away. (Does anyone…still wear…a slip? (Kiss Us quick, We’re Elaine Stritch.))

If you hesitate too long, fickle winds could blow these fortuitous clouds away so quickly that their brief appearance may seem an illusion. (If, on the other hand, you hesitate too short, nobody will know you did anything.)

(Meanwhile, “fickle winds”?  “Fortuitous clouds”?  The hell?)

Be prepared to follow threads that may seem hopelessly entangled.  (Much like this horoscope.)

Holding fast to the free ends will help you find where they lead.  (Also, Free Willy is self-explanatory.)

(We have no idea where that came from, but We’re so very glad it did.)

You’re quite generous when it comes to love — and you’ve got a lot to offer!  (Was that a fat joke?)

You need to make sure you’re getting your own needs met, also. (Oh, sure.  We have to do EVERYTHING Our Own Self.)

Someone equally generous should be a great match for you. (Again, “should”.)

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.