Let’s do the Time Warp again!

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for  ToothDay, August 14, 2012.  We do so desperately hope that today’s e-pissode won’t be a letdown after yesterday’s epic tale of Our weekend cinematic adventures.  Unfortunately, We haven’t made any fillums since last We spoke.  (Although terrifying pixtures from the set have appeared on SItOnOurFaceBook.  (But you never heard it from Us.))

In other news, speaking of Our fillum, it appears they have mislaid (heh) the actor who was to have played Our wife in this Saturday’s shoot.  So if you are within the sound of Our voice, and are a woman appropriate to be Our wife (and when didja ever think you’d hear THAT?) as well as the mother of the four-year-old Spawn Of Satan they are passing off as Our son, and are available for an all-day shoot this Saturday, shoot Us a message and We shall hook you up with The Young People.

Meanwhile, remember how We said yesterday that, completely randomly, We were craving macaroni and cheese?  Homemade, not out of the little blue box?  Well, We made Ourselves a batch of homemade macaroni and cheese.  Turns out, what We were actually craving?  Was the stuff in the little blue box.  Sigh.

See?  Total letdown.

Although Jill (hi, Jill!) just informed Us via Twatter that August?  Is National Goat Cheese Month.

On second thought, We don’t think that helps.

How about the thirty-seventh anniversary of the release of The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Meat Loaf again?

In other news, everyone’s favorite sketch comedy troupe The WaitStaff will be doing two Very Special Preview Performances of their Fringe show, The Real Housewives of South Philly Play The Match Game!, on Sunday, August 19 at 7 and on Thursday, August 23 at 7:30 at L’Etage.  SitOnMyFaceBook events have more info here http://www.facebook.com/events/431133030262749/ and here http://www.facebook.com/events/485179294844645/ and tickets are available here: 

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/265032

 The contestants for these performances will be artists from other (funny) Fringe shows.  For example, on the 19^th, the contestants will include The Lovely And Talented Greg Nix, one of the merry murderers from Jeff Coon and Ben Dibble Must Die, The Equally Lovely And Talented John D’Alonzo, who is playing Ivona, Princess of Burgundia in the play of the same name by the Idiopathic Ridiculopathy Consortium (it just occurred to Us that that makes him titular…We must alert the media) and the No Less Lovely And Talented Bill McKinlay, of the MacKnight Foundation’s I Hate Monologues and The Alphabet Plays.

We give up.

Here’s the HorrorScope:

It’s not even anybody scintillating’s birthday today.  Well, okay, Susan Saint James.   But besides that…

You feel like moving backward — and there’s nothing wrong with that!  (That depends entirely on who’s back there.)

It’s a good time for you to head homeward, even if that’s just a hazy metaphor.  (On a related note, Maizie Heffator was Our drag name in high school.  (Although it was never clear what gender We were in drag as.))

(What?  Try to keep up.)

Play it safe and find a new way to live.  (That would seem to be an either/or proposition.  (Although One should never use a proposition to end a sentence with.))

Things that used to be difficult for you are getting a lot easier (And vice versa.  Also, Virna Lisi.  And Vaseline™ petroleum  jelly.)

(Oh, shut up.)

— like letting go of the people who are not good for you. (This assumes…thereby inserting a Vaseline™d Virna Lisi into Uma Thurman’s anus…that We KNOW what’s good for Us.)

(We’ll pause here while We wait for Our str8 boi readers to get past that Vaseline™ imagery.)

Today, you will find it effortless to turn away from the dramatically unhealthy people in your life — and not ever look back again, no matter what the consequences.  (The effort involved I reading that sentence alone ensures that it will be far from effortless.)

If you are negotiating among friends, don’t try to anticipate how other people will react. (Riiiight…just let it be a surprise.  ‘Cause THAT sounds like a good idea.)

Just focus on you and that other person.  (Which one?  Virna Lisi or Uma Thurman?)

(Ooops…We lost the str8 bois again.)

What other people think is not important at all. (And WHETHER other people think is entirely debatable.)

Your commitment to loved ones makes your life beautiful (And Our life is nothing if not beautiful.)

 — and provides you with opportunities for romance in more ways than one!  (Kinky!)

All that affection that you pour upon your dear ones comes back to you a hundredfold.  (“Pour”?  Seriously?)

 

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

                            

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                    

Try having people stopping you to ask you "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" It gets old.

(What? Too soon?)

Greetings, Educational Recess Invigorates Class---


Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, June 01, 2010 (We trust all y’all had a lovely holiday weekend, despite the celebrities dropping like flies. In Our own defense, We should point out that We have had this particular Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Pommes Frites Au Bon Pain Susan Saint James (what the h3ll does SHE have to do with anything?) lying about for quite some time, and, if not now, when? Gary Coleman, Dennis Hopper, Louise Bourgeois…(We shall pause here while all y’all scurry to Google that last one on Wikipedia) it was a rough weekend for the quasi-rich and the semi-famous. Thankfully, We are neither. (We just took Our own quick pause to look up Susan Saint James; she is mercifully not dead yet.) Meanwhile, despite the fact that In The Midst Of Life We Are In Death, or some such, We Our Own Selves Personally spent the weekend celebrating the anniversary of Our nativity. “What?” We hear you exclaim. “But your birthday was in April.” (We also hear the rest of you exclaim, “Oh, was it your birthday?”) Indeed. But never let it be said that, despite not actually BEING a celebrity, We cannot celebrate like one. (With celerity, and celery. In case you were wondering. (Oh, shut up. It’s just another manic Monday, wearing its Tuesday panties. With Friday’s panty shield, and a couple of skidmarks of indeterminate origin. (Our word pixtures…see how We paints them.)))):


(Micro$oft Weird™ would have Us believe that “skidmarks” is not a word. Micro$oft Weird™ has clearly not seen Our Tuesday panties.)


(Is it wrong that the thing that most concerned Us about Gary Coleman’s death was what were they gonna do about Avenue Q? (As it turns out, they only edited it very slightly.))


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


That inner tension you're feeling? (Much like The Lady From Ealing. Who laid on her back, and opened her cr@ck. And p1ssed all over the ceiling.)


(Ya just never know when a limerick is gonna break out, do ya?)


The stuff that's making you absolutely wired, (Well, the last sentence DID have cr@ck in it.)


even if you haven't had anything stronger than decaf for months? (Decaf? The h3ll you say. Talk about your pointless fluids. Much like non-alcoholic beer. Speaking of which, We got an email this morning informing Us that The City That Loves You (On Your) Back is about to have Beer Week. From June 4 to June 13. Heh. Is this a great city, or what?)


(We got another email informing Us that Hurricane Season begins today. So Happy Hurricane Season, y’all.)


Don't fight it. (Pretend it’s The Funk. Whatever the Fu(k The Funk is.)


You can get an awful lot done when you're feeling the stress of an impending deadline. (Also, when you’ve got the fever for the flavor of a Pringles™.)


(Why, no. We have no idea what We’re talking about. Why do you ask?)


Even if you don't have one, pretend. (Is it just Us, or is there a whole lot of pretending going on in here this morning?)


Stop squinting. (You are not the boss of Us.)


(Which brings Us to thing Number Sixty-two kabillion and eleventy-twelve that We love about funemployment: We. Have. No. G0dd@mn. Boss.)


It's not you, but it's not them, either. (Technically, that should read “it’s not they”. And yes, We DO judge you when you use bad grammar.)


It's a 'failure to communicate,' and there's just no way to fix it now. (Well, not if you’re going to take that sort of defeatist attitude.)


Take a time-out on that conversation. (Actually, We just read ahead through the rest of this horoscope, and We think We’re gonna take a time-out on THIS conversation.)


If you're in bed past seven, it'll be a miracle. Also, once you're up, issue warnings to anyone who's not moving as quickly as you are. Which might be everyone around you. Overtime is definitely on the agenda, and lots of it. Cleaning up someone else's mess is never fun -- but the kudos will be nice. Oh, and the cash won't hurt, either. (See what We mean? Zzzzzzzzzzz….)


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




what wouldja do for a cowgrass bar?)