That’s what makes you beautiful

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg,  October Tenst, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Peter, who turns twenty-four today.  In Indiana.  Indiana, Pennsylvania, that is.  Because Indiana is not IN Indiana…that would be, apparently, redundant.  INDIANAPOLIS is in Indiana, but Indiana is in Pennsylvania.  Which would seem to mean that, conversely, Pennsylvania should be in Indiana, but Pennsylvaniapolis should be in Pennsylvania, but We can find no evidence that this is the case.

Geography is weird.

Happy Birthday meanwhile also to Annette, who meanwhile also turns twenty-four today, in AmericaRunsOnDuncansville.  Also in Pennsylvania, but completely unrelated to both Indiana AND Pennsylvaniapolis.

Of course, the fact that today’s birthdays are both so geographically far-flung means exactly one thing:  once again, We don’t get any damn cake.

(Why, yes, it IS all about Us; thanks for asking.)

Not that We have time for cake, as We will be working both tonight and tomorrow night, then spending Sunday doing Guess What We’re Doing Sunday!

In other news, We had another dream last night.  In which We were directing a music video for One Direction.

(If you have seen Our live show, LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour, you will understand what a treat having a dream about One Direction is for Us.

(If you have NOT seen LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour (or even if you have), why are you not clamoring for it to appear at A Theater Near You? (Do you have a defective clamorer?)))

(Our artsy-fartsy Gentle Readers will no doubt already be aware, but, for the rest of you, The Defective Clamorer is actually an infrequently-produced Moliere play. It was originally banned in France after its first performance, due to its graphic depictions of little-known sexual positions involving shellfish.)

(Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!: The More You Know.)

At any rate, We were directing a music video for One Direction.  (Yes, We ARE still in the middle of this story.   What are you gonna do about it, ask for your money back?)   With Special Guest Star, Nick Jonas.

Now, you would imagine that, We being Us, after all, this would be a dirty, dirty, DIRTY dream.

It wasn’t. At all.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US????

(Speaking of planets, Uranus.  (No, not really…We just said that because One Direction was in the preceding story.  (Which made Us think, naturally, of Uranus. (But speaking of planets, We just heard though the WorldWideInterWebNetz grapevine that Pluto may be a planet again.  (The jury is still out on Goofy.)))))

Speaking of absolutely nothing that We’ve spoken of so far, here are thirteen sets of twin male models who are totally not safe for work.  You’re welcome: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mattbellassai/double-the-fun?bftw&utm_term=4ldqpfp#7alark

Meanwhile, Our Libra video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with both of your friends:  http://youtu.be/I-sVEr84fyk?list=UUtq4ffsQ_xGu4T5NSA2HfaQ

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And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:

In celebrity birthdays, it is Ben Vereen’s birthday today.  Is it just Us, or does his name sound like a cleaning product?  Red wine stain on your favorite tablecloth?  Dab a little BenVereen™ on there, and it’ll be as good as new.)

And now, as Our ablutions, which will make Us fit for public consumption, await, here, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is A Reading From Madame Olivia:

Greetings Starzina ~

A warm welcome back to Madame Olivia.

Madame Olivia has become reacquainted with a great Japanese word which is to be applied when one is faced with a daunting task, namely, Ganbaru! It means something like "Never give up!" but is fiercer and more satisfying to say. You can say it to others or to yourself. Try shouting it. Ganbaru!

Let the Devil take the hindmost! Madame Olivia can not shake this saying out of her head. For her it's right up there with Throw caution to the winds, and the fact that both are swarming in her brain can mean only one thing: this is a good time for you, little Aries, to make a decision that feels right even though it might look a little shaky on paper. Go for it.

Virtue of the hour: kindness

Alas, it is time to take our leave but Madame Olivia looks forward to your next visit and sends you warmest wishes.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                     

Let’s go crazy crazy crazy

Hello, Ducks!

             

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday, HookahDanangAniméAnew, VenuesChainsWithBenVereen’sNudeLegs, StiltLimeGunnerMitchWho?, November 19^rd, 2013.

We brought that back ‘cause We got nothin’.  It is apparently nobody’s birthday.  Well, at least nobody that We know.  And who else matters, really?  Oh, sure, it’s Jodie Foster’s birthday, but she doesn’t call, she doesn’t write.  Also, it’s Meg Ryan’s birthday.  We’ll have what she’s having.   And, last but not Lee Strasberg, it is Everybody’sFavoriteUnderwearDesigner Calvin Klein’s birthday.  Which We are using as an excuse to make Our Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Roger Moore Nancy Drew one of Calvin Klein boytoy, Nick Gruber.

Whatevs.

Speaking of boys in their underwear, you may recall, almost two weeks ago, Our birthday felicitations to Bryan, in which We pixtured him both in and out of his Y-fronts. (If you do NOT recall, please go here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/11/so-spread-sunshine-all-over-place.html  for what We promise you will be a much more entertaining e-pissode of Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! than the one you are currently reading.)

Turns out, Bryan only saw said SitOnOurFaceBook posting yesterday.  So that was a whole lot of wasted viZZZualization.  We reckon We’re just gonna have to start pixturing Bryan’s birthday suit all over again.

Here We imagined These Young People were all up on their technology, and all the time Bryan’s been cramming 8-track tapes into his BetaMax™.

(Yes, that WAS a euphemism…thank you so much for noticing.)

Now if only We could get a few other folks to answer Our emails and texts…

And here’s the HorrorScope:

A phone call changes everything today (Will it change Our Tuesday panties?  ‘Cause We’ve had ‘em on since last Tuesday…)

— so make sure your ringer is on and your battery is charged!  (We’re pretty sure that, if you bought Our life at a toy store, it would have a big label on it that said, “Batteries Not Included”.)

(Wow.)

(That was deep.)

(Not real meaningful, but real deep.)

 It’s a good day for lateral thinking and flexible actions, (Does that sound vaguely dirty to you?)

 so get ready for almost anything.  (How exactly does One “get ready for almost anything”?  Okay…on the count of three…get ready for tea with Queen Elizabeth…climbing Mount Kilimanjaro…and gender-reassignment surgery!)

(See?  It can’t be done.  And that was only three things.  Stupid bitch.)

Communication isn’t a problem  (Sez YOU.)

(Heh.  See what We did there?)

— you’re able to make your points eloquently and succinctly.  (Eloquently and Succinctly are, of course, two of the dwarves in Snow White and the Seven Really Gay Dwarves.)

That’s why saying what’s on your mind is a lot easier than usual these days. (Why would saying “what’s on your mind” ever be difficult?  It’s not like it has a lot of esses, or is a tongue-twister, or anything?  AssHatt.)

It helps to plan out what you’re going to say well in advance, but you manage to be quite convincing when you have to speak in front of a group of people on the spur of the moment. (We are desperately trying to come up with a “sperm of the moment” joke.  We’ll get back to you.)

 If you’re usually a shy person, (Whose horoscope is this, anyway?)

this is the ultimate time (Also, Ultimate Frisbee™ time.)

(What?)

to stand up and say what’s been in your heart for a long, long time.  (Blood.)

An offbeat, (Insert “beatoff” joke here.)

rather interesting event might offer much-needed insight when it comes to your love life. (Oh, so all We need is some insight, eh?)

Keep your eyes open for signs you might otherwise not see. (Like Slippery When Wet?)

A big decision only you can make is coming.  (Yes, We WOULD like fries with that.)

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                     

Rappin’ like I’m trappin’

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  GoodPieRupeeTuesday, HookahDanangAniméAnew, VenuesChainsWithBenVereen’sNudeLegs, StiltLimeGunnerMitchWho?, August 6^nd , 2013.  Happy Birthday to Kristen, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.  Also, Happy Birthday to Christian, who also turns twenty-four today, also right here in The City That Loves You (On Your ) Back. Kristen and Christian, Christian and Kristen…there’s a song in there somewhere.  Some sort of rap song, We are guessing.  Unfortunately, as We are The Whitest Woman You Know, We shall be unable to find it.  White people rapping, the sound of one hand clapping, etc.

See how We slipped in a little Zen Buddhism there when you least expected it?  It’s like We yinned when We should have yanged.

We really need to sizzle through this e-pissode and go work on the script for Our show.  Especially since people keep donating funds, so it looks as though We’re actually going to be expected to do it.  We are talking, of course, about  the Kickstarter fundraiser for Our upcoming Fringe Festival show, LOOKING FOR URANUS:  Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour ,   which can be found here:   

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/635878991/looking-for-uranus-starzina-starfish-brownes-comeb  

Thanks to all of Our investors so far, whose generosity has pushed Us over the 50%- funded mark!

(Please do NOT let this fact deter you from helping out…We only get the funds if We become 100% funded.)

Another way to help out (and thanks to the many of you who have already done this) is to share the project with your SitOnMyFaceBook friends.

And here is the HorrorScope:

In celebrity birthday news, if Lucille Ball were (subjunctively) still alive, she’d be a hundred and two today.  And, just in case you weren’t feeling old enough yet today, if Jon Benet Ramsey were (subjunctively) still alive, she’d be twenty-three.

In living celebrity birthday news, Happy Birthday to Ginger Spice of The Spice Girls.  From yours truly, Old Spice.

You feel a mounting sense of excitement as the day goes on (Oh.  We thought that was gas.)

— your energy levels just keep climbing and climbing!  (Yeah.  That could happen.)

It should pay off in a big way later on, so get ready for something spectacular!  (As near as We can tell, Our only social plan for the week just got cancelled.  What exactly is this spectacular thing We’re going to do all by Ourself?)

Let your creativity call the shots today — no matter what silly stuff it’s telling you to do.  (The sillier the better…We’ve got a script to write.)

So what if it tells you to wear mismatched socks, (How daring!)

speak only in rhyme, (White women rapping…didn’t We discuss this already?)

 or skip down the street all day? (Alternatively, skip to the loo, and have a nice poo….)

(White women rapping…We just can’t stop.)

 It needs you to hear its voice. (We do everything the voices in Our pants tell Us to do.)

 Apparently, you have been ignoring it a little too much for a little too long.   (Sorry…did you say something?)

(Heh. SWWDT?)

Let your wackier side show — people will love seeing you flex your creative muscles.  (Did she say “wackier” or “wankier”?)

Don’t reveal too much about yourself today. (Okay, so We’re skipping down the street in Our mismatched socks, speaking only in rhyme, and letting Our wackier (or possibly wankier) side show, but We’re not revealing too much about Ourself?  Does NO ONE proofread this drivel?)

Instead, let everyone else do the talking. (Also, let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.)

For you, it’s all about discretion, so zip your lip (Pass gas through your ass, and keep your penis between Us.)

and open up your ears. (Say what?)

The conversation will curl your toenails.  (Which twin’s toenails have the Toni™?  (We TOLD you We were old.))

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.