Totally naked, Bay-Bee, totally nude

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  FriedEgg, January Seventeenst, TwennyFourTeen. Happy Birthday to Deborah, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.  Also, Happy Birthday to Allen, who also turns twenty-four today, somewhere out in Missininnesotana, which is, or so We understand, near West Wisconsonomington.  Whence Our actor-friend recently brought cultchah to the Sodomites, or whatever religious sect it is that occupies those parts.

Faithful Gentle Readers (who are NOT naked skimmers) will recall Allen from Our recent Picturing Allen And Kevin Naked Week back in October (which see here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/10/im-fking-matt-damon.html ).  The accompanying story being, of course, that We had in fact actually seen both Allen and Kevin naked in the same place, at practically the same time.  How it is that We never received the sexts We requested is beyond Us.

So, at any rate, Happy Birthday to Allen, and to Allen’s birthday suit.

Missininnesotana and West Wisconsonomington being geographically semi-adjacent, One wonders that Allen and Our actor-friend never ran into each other at, say, the Piggly-Wiggly.  Of course, they would have no way of recognizing each other, as We have seen one of them naked and the other one only not-naked.

(We’re gonna pause here for a moo-moo to give you a chance to see if you can figger out what the fuck We’re even talking about.  And, if you DO figger it out, to tell Us about it.)

In other news, We need you all right now quick fast  and in a hurry to get your tickets for  LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour in Centre Theatre’s Independent Voices Festival in Norristown tonight at 8, before they are all sold out.  We are very proud to have been chosen to be a part of this festival, and We want to see you there. 

Tickets are available at  http://thecentretheater.ticketleap.com/

Also, check out the SitOnOurFaceBook event (https://www.facebook.com/events/259746334150716/ (FYI That is NOT Our mouth in the logo)).

We are also currently in talks regarding appearances in Greater Bostonia; stay tuned for further info as it becomes available.

Our video (Capricorn, for you naked skimmers who aren’t paying attention) is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends:    http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM

         .

On repeat viewing, We must say that that particular video is one of Our favorites.  It has, over time, been somewhat e-clipsed by the artsy-fartsiness of Our French New Wave e-pissode:

…as well as by, naturally, The One With Justin Bieber’s Penis:

And now, the HorrorScope…

A whole slew of famous folks were born today, from Betty White to Jim Carrey, and Michelle Obama to Benjamin Franklin.  But who else is gonna tell ya that it’s Ita Buttrose’s birthday today?  Nobody, that’s who.

And now, as We must prepare Our hindparts to travel to beautiful downtown Norristown, We leave you with a reading from Madame Olivia. Who, you will notice has grown much less reticent about Uranus, and now uses phrases like “booster rocket of your dreams”.

Greetings Starzina ~

Hello again. Madame Olivia is happy to receive you.

Madame Olivia is burning to share with you the following: she just dined in a restaurant where a charming server described a dessert as "sultry and comforting." Madame Olivia was instantly struck with the realization that so often this cunning combo is exactly what people look for in love objects! She entreats you to think about this when you approach candidates for your love. She senses that this might be the booster rocket of your dreams, relationship-wise. You heard it here!

As Uranus continues its travels through your sign, Aries, some important things are getting shaken up. Madame Olivia, admittedly not one to delay gratification, thinks this is an excellent opportunity for you to enjoy what the world has to offer and have fun. This is the kind of suggestion Madame Olivia really likes to make: revel in joy when you can!

Circles and round things will be of import in the near future

It is time to take our leave for now. Madame Olivia wishes you Bon courage! See you next time.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                     

I sold my soul to rock and roll

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for FriedEgg, November 2, 2012.  Happy All Souls Day to any of Our Gentle Readers who have yet to sell their souls.  Izzit just Us, or if you say “All Souls” real fast, does it sound like a Chinaman saying, “Ah, so”?  Or, as a stretch, “Asshole”?

But fear not, Our brethren and cisterns, after yesterday’s anal bleaching Uranus fest, We have no intention of any more rooting about in anyone’s nether regions for humor today.

Who let all those chirping crickets in here all of a sudden?

This just in from everyone’s favorite news source, The Onion. This story goes out to Jill, whose impending nuptials are next weekend in Atlantic City.  (Also, she’s getting married.): "We still have quite a way to go before Atlantic City is once again a fully operational destroyer of marriages." 

http://www.theonion.com/articles/atlantic-city-faces-long-recovery-before-it-can-st,30207/

As you can see, We’ve clearly got nothin’.  So here are some wildly inappropriate tweets from the TwatterVerse to ensure that you all get every penny of your money’s worth:

Air bags: your car's attempt to cheer you up after an accident by giving you surprise balloons.

If your girl gets mad at you while she's having her period, she's probably just ovary-acting.

Getting stoned and trying to load the dishwasher is like real-life Tetris.

Ben Franklin ties a key to a kite and he's a hero.  I duct tape a kitten to a stop sign, and I'm an asshole?  Really, History?

Does Whoopi Goldberg know her name roughly translates to Sex Jew?

The guy who invented the couch should run for President.  His campaign slogan could be, "Dude, I invented the fucking couch."

Theoretically, you can't complain if there's a pubic hair on your everything bagel.

There is no straight way to wash a carrot.

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Here is the link with which you would share Our new Time of the Month Horoscope video with your friends, if you were (subjunctively) so inclined.  Like the plane. http://youtu.be/UiJLA4MRNNg .  Enjoy!

Speaking of complete non sequiturs (as opposed, presumably, to the incomplete kind), here is last year’s Scorpio video to compare with this year’s (see above):

Here’s the HorrorScope:

It is both James Polk and Warren Harding’s birthday today.  How they managed not to make THIS Presidents’ Day is beyond Us.

Arguments break out over almost anything today  (Do not!)

— but you don’t have to take them seriously!  (On Polk and Harding Day?   Oh, yes, you do!)

In fact, you may find that your energy is better spent on reconciliation than on stirring up trouble.  (Well, now that the existence of Our basement-emptying efforts have been validated by a witness other than Ourselves, We intend to spend today and tomorrow returning all of this crap to the dungeon.  So duzzat count as “reconciliation” or “stirring up trouble”? (We are as yet undecided as to whether We shall actually erect (ahem) the Christmas tree, rather than dragging it back down below.  After all, We would be putting it up three weeks from tomorrow anyway.))

The bumpy road you’ve been on for a while is going to get a whole lot smoother today.  (Preparation H™…it’s what’s for dinner.)

(Apparently, all roads lead to Uranus.)

What’s funny is (Not so much this horoscope?)

that while you’ll love the change of pace, (To say nothing of the change of pacemaker.)

(No, really…say NOTHING!)

a part of you is going to miss all of the exciting drama. (Well, We ARE on e-pissode behind (ooops…We said “behind”) on The Young and the Rest Of Us.)

 An easy life can become a boring life, (Which is just a hop, skip, and an orphan away from A Hard Knock Life.  (Your son’ll come out, tomorroooooooooowwww….))

and this is something you understand all too well. (What’s so funny ‘bout pilaf and understanding?)

Just try to enjoy this more peaceful period while it lasts. (Always™.  Have A happy period.)

Don’t wish it were different  (Way to use the subjunctive properly, Kelli!  You GO, gurrrlll!!!)

— because soon enough it will be!  (Whatever will be, will be.  The doctor’s Mar-cus Wel-by…)

(Our baloney has a first name.  Because We sit around talking to lunchmeat.)

This lull in the action will give you a chance to regroup and recharge.  (And possibly regurgitate.)

While this morning may revolve around contemplation of long term goals, tonight is all about right here, right now — and you’re right at the center of the action!  (Actually, tonight We are off to see the current dinner theatre murder mystery at the place which will be buying Our murder mystery script.  Which is a little like putting the condom on after the whore.  (That IS the old saying, innit?  Some of those old sayings are DISGUSTING.))

There’s no time like the present for flirtation! (So inflirt your flirtation devices (ermegerd, flirtertion! (See?  We are hep to all the latest memes.)))

                           

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.