Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday, November 12rd , 2013. (We’ll pause here, so you can savor
just exactly how preposterous you sound, attempting to pronounce “12rd” .)
Whoa…acid flashback!
So
it appears that We have once again been remiss (Word Nerd Alert: shouldn’t the “re-“ in “remiss” take care of
the “once again” part?) in relying solely on SitOnMyFaceBook to inform Us of
Our Gentle Readers’ birthdays, and, consequently, completely missed
OurMizLOretta’s birthday on Sunday. She
turned, We know you will be surprised to hear, twenty-four, Somewhere In
Suburbia. So Happy Belated Birthday to
OurMizLOretta.
Happy
Actual Birthday, meanwhile, to OurAmericanCousin, Ethan, who does not EVEN turn
twenty-four today, somewhere in the wilds of Northern New Jersey, which is
almost New York, but isn’t.
Also, Happy Actual Birthday to Lisa, who turns
twenty-four today somewhere in New Hampshire.
(New Hampshire, for those of Our Gentle Readers who are geographically
challenged (much like Our Own Self) is
That State In New England That, Once You’ve Picked Out Maine, Massachusetts,
And Connecticut, And Realized That You’ve Overlooked Rhode Island Again, Isn’t
Vermont.)
And,
last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Actual Birthday to Miss Liz, who turns
twenty-four today, mercifully right here in The City That Loves You(On Your)
Back, so We don’t have to do any more geography.
Apparently,
We slept through the first snowflakes of the season earlier, and the less said
about THAT, the better.
Shortly after getting up, We received a text which said, and We quote: “M km, tzxs.” So thanks for clearing THAT up.
We
should also mention, lest you thought We were finished plugging Ourself (We
HAVE to plug Ourself…no one else will) that LOOKING
FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour is actually going on tour! We shall be at Vagabond Acting Troupe’s Arts
House Theater, somewhere called Honey Boo Boo, Pennsylvania, which, as near as
We can tell from a map, appears to be in Amish country. You can find all the particulars regarding
Our gig next Sunday, November 17, here:
Is
Starzina gonna rock Zebediah’s Rumspringa, or what?
And now, the HorrorScope:
The
Biggest Waste Of Space In Hollywood, Miss Anne Hathaway’s birthday is
today. Also, Charles Manson. (Newer
Gentle Readers may wish to peruse Our review of Miss Anne Hathaway’s Oscar™-winning
performance here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/02/everybody-raise-glass-raise-it-up.html
(You ARE all mentally saying “Miss Anne Hathaway” as though it were (subjunctively)
“Miss Jane Hathaway”, aren’t you?))
It’s
a good day to help out around the office or at home — you are better off
assisting others than tackling your own projects. (Which, since We are all alone here, would
appear to mean that We should go directly back to bed. Too bad, so sad, anal sex with your dad.)
Things
are just about to change, (And, proverbially, the more they do that, the more
they’ll stay the same. Is puzzlement.)
though,
so don’t get in too deep! (How deep
exactly is too
deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…..)
(Heh. See what We did there?)
It’s
much better to run the risk of looking a bit naive in the beginning than end up
feeling entirely clueless. (For some
reason, We have just imagined a news program entitled Naïve At Five. Which is
wrong on any number of levels, and yet right as well.)
You
tend to get frustrated when you don’t
know exactly what’s expected of you. (The period in that sentence works equally
well after “frustrated”.)
If
the person giving you directions or instructions isn’t being clear about what
your role is, (So wait…We AREN’T the very model of a modern major general?)
(We
could tell that what you were all thinking was that this horoscope could use
some Gilbert and Sullivan. (Little did
We know that you actually meant SARA Gilbert and ED Sullivan.))
don’t
hesitate to speak up (WOOF!)
(We’re
a woofer, not a tweeter.)
and
let them know you need clarification. (More
and more lately, We need Aunt Clarification.)
Visions
of the future don’t just happen in fiction! (Visions of the fiction, on the other hand,
happen only in the future.)
(Also,
the plane in Bahrain lands mainly on Miss Jane.)
(No,
We DON’T have any idea what We’re talking about…what was your first clue?)
If
you find yourself having extremely vivid dreams over the next few days, pay
careful attention. (We had a dream last
night that had Bill Cosby in it. We have
no idea why. He wasn’t nearly as old and
cranky as he actually is.)
If
your latest crush shows up in them, it’s likely that they’re about to make an
appearance in your waking life. (Which is,
of course, not to be confused with “your wanking life”.)
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but
better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For
real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good
friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
