My angel is the centerfold

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Hump Day, August TwennySebbenst, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Mike, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.

Happy Birthday also to Jeff, who also turns twenty-four today, also right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.

Two birthdays.  Hmph.  Pales by comparison to the multitudes of birthday celebrants the other day.  Which was, you will recall, of legendary length. And, by association of ideas, at least one of whom We had seen naked.

Speaking of naked people, here is a flashback to Our FIRST Virgo video, the one with the naked angel:

So ya know how, in movies and plays and continuing daytime dramas, when a character has an epiphany, and all of a sudden everything changes and is different?

In real life, not so much.

We had Ourself a epiphany recently, and not a damn thing is gonna change, at least for the next little while.  Although We will have gone from the insanity of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results to the insanity of doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results.

So there’s that.

In still other news, We recently heard some WorldWideInterWebNetzian advice, which We would like to pass on to you:

If people treat you as if they don’t care about you, BELIEVE THEM.  They DON’T.

In other other news, We have Our schedule at the Murder Mystery Factory for September.  We will be performing on Friday, September 12 and Friday, September 26.  If you are interested in seeing Us perform in same, holla at Us.  (For those naked skimmers who may not be aware, We have been promoted to A Position Of Power at the Factory, and so will be performing somewhat less.)

Meanwhile, thanks to the legions of naked angels who have expressed their desire to be Our date for one or more of Our Fringe Festival shows. (If you want to squeeze (ooooohhhh!) a bid in, check out the dates here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/08/and-he-said-you-can-call-me-joshua.html .  (Especially if the phrase “legendary length” is not unfamiliar to you.  (That particular e-pissode fo Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! has the extra added attraction of a phenomenal picture of Josh Henderson’s legendary derriere.  Just sayin’.))

We intend, if We can remain in the spirit of accomplishment in which We currently find Ourself, to purchase Our tickets after this e-pisstle.

And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:

It is Pee Wee Herman’s birthday.  Also, despite being Wednesday, it is Tuesday Weld’s birthday.

And now, in the interests of time management, and because, if you don’t care about Us, you’re not reading this, so you don ‘t know that We’re onto you, here, in lieu of call-and-response with Asshatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli, a reading from Madame Olivia:

Greetings Starzina ~

Hello again. Madame Olivia is happy to receive you.

Madame Olivia is very interested in the word commitment. It sounds like psychiatric jail to Madame Olivia's ears. In any case it's worth thinking about, and perhaps not just in the relationship realm, either, but in the realm of values and even work. Does this resonate with you? The first step is simply to be open to the possibility.

Dear Aries, Madame Olivia wants you to know that she has long admired the energetic way you rush into things. In the coming days, however, you may tend to be just a bit too heedless, unusual for you. The remedy is to be aware of the people around you to make sure they don't feel bulldozed or slighted instead of helped. It's so maddening when good instincts are misinterpreted. For now, mindfulness is the key. All manner of thing will be well.

Word of the hour: a certain secret will become important

It is time to take our leave for now. Madame Olivia wishes you Bon courage! See you next time.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                     

Tommy, can you hear me?

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  GoodPieRupeeTuesday, August 27^rd, 2013.  (We had to come back up here just now to point out that, on this particular Tuesday, Tuesday Weld turns seventy.  Also, We have apparently been remiss in never witnessing a screening of her magnum opus, Sex Kittens Go To College.)

Happy Birthday to Jeff, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.  Also, Happy Birthday to Mike, who also turns twenty-four today, also right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.  

Meanwhile, people that We thought were already dead need to stop dying, because We find it very disconcerting.  Neil Armstrong, We’re talking to you.  (Paging Neil Armstrong….Neil Armstrong, to the white courtesy Ouija board….)

Okay, no more tricky rhetoric (is Tricky Rhetoric a fabulous drag queen name, or what?  You ain’t just Ritalin Trixie.)  You need to go, right now, to the KickStarter for Our Fringe show,  LOOKING FOR URANUS:  Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour , which can be found here:   

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/635878991/looking-for-uranus-starzina-starfish-brownes-comeb  

ESPECIALLY if you haven’t contributed yet, but have been thinking of contributing, but have been procrastinating (We know exactly how you feel….We used to procrastinate, too, until We decided to just put it off…)  You will laugh and laugh when you see where Our total is, and then YOU could be the one to put Us over the top.

(As though We need any HELP going over the top.)

Thanks to all of Our investors so far, and this thing ends Thursday morning, so this is the next-to-last time you should be hearing about it, other than to be thanked profusely.

Another way to help out (and thanks to the many of you who have already done this) is to share the project with your SitOnMyFaceBook friends.  It is not too late to do this, as We can accept funds beyond Our goal.  Graciously,  goddammit.

And, of course, they also help who show the hell up, so here is where tickets can be obtained: http://fringearts.ticketleap.com/looking-for-uranus-starzina-starfish-brownes-comeback-tour/#view=calendar

There is also a SitOnMyFaceBook event here: https://www.facebook.com/events/706806152678843/ for your convenience in sharing on that platform.

In other news, kicking the tail-end of this over-a-week-long ailment is causing Us to sleep like We’ve been bitten by tsetse flies, have dreams like We’ve been drinking absinthe with Mary Hart and Jane Fonda, and just generally behave like a useless pile of protoplasm.  (Even more than usual.)  Sigh.

And here is the HorrorScope:

In celebrity birthday news, Pee-Wee Herman is sixty-one, which somehow makes him even creepier.  Also, Happy Birthday to Aaron Paul of Breaking Bad.

Perseverance is the keyword of the day. (And pusillanimous is the keyword of the night, and peripatetic is the keyword of teatime.  What’s your point?  (Pointillism is the keyword of the evening.))

You should stick to whatever plan you had hatched, (Eeeeeuuuuuwwwww!)

even if things start to go south pretty quickly. (Is this one of those “the South will rise again” thingies?  Because, seriously, not on Our watch.)

If you stick to it, you can salvage quite a lot!  (What a revolting sentence.)

Try not to let small distractions get in the way of the larger picture,  (Sorry…did you say something?)

(Heh.  SWWDT?)

(So is the larger picture the one that matches the couch?)

when someone tries to sidetrack you from what you really should be doing.  (We SHOULD be putting the finishing touches on Our script.  Instead, We’re talking to YouPeople.  You’re welcome.)

It’s in your best interests to stay as focused as possible. (Sorry…did you say something?)

(Jokes are funnier when you tell them over and over again.)

Keep your eyes on the prize and the rewards will follow.  (And all of a sudden We’re in a Publishers’ Clearing House commercial.)

A better time to get into the who, what and why of your feelings is coming soon.  (Micro$oft Weird™ is looking askance at “the who” in that sentence, and, for once, We agree with it.  It’s “The Who”.)

Arguing could be another way for you to flirt, (Could not.)

(Heh.)

but today you need to lay off the cage-match act. (That is not the act We had in mind.)

If you’re agreeable, you should get more attention than if you start a war of words.  (To say nothing of a war of worms.)

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                     

And we danced all night to the best song ever

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  TuesdayWeld’sChildHasFarrahFawcett’sFace(Didn’tSeeTHATComing,Didja?), July 23^st ,2013.  This would be the second day in a row with no birthday wishes (yesterday’s wishes all being belated); that almost never happens.  Wherever shall We obtain cake?

Of course, yesterday WAS somebody’s birthday, Prince William’s penis having escaped its Speedo™ at some point and proved itself to be fully functional, but since said royal birthday personage does not even have a name yet, We are hard-pressed to know how to felicitate.

Speaking of bizarre things coming out of Great Britain and fully functional penises, We chanced across boy-band One Direction’s latest video yesterday.  It’s for a song called “Best Song Ever”, which, it would seem to Us, it would take really large balls to call a song.  And, while We certainly imagine all five of these boys to have fully functional penises, We don’t imagine those being accompanied by really large balls.  We are going to embed this masterpiece here for your viewing pleasure:

See if you can figger out why We found it personally remarkable.  (Please tell Us that We are not alone in the fact that, while We know vague things about them (one of them is called something like “Nyall”; one of their names starts with a Z), We know EXACTLY which one is Harry Styles.)

Meanwhile, to raise the cultural bar just a smidge, last night We had a dream that had Stephen Sondheim in it.  Because that’s just how klassie and kultchuhed We are.  We were, oddly, living in Our old apartment.  Upstairs, even more oddly, from The Sainted Mother, and La Sondheim had dropped by for (oddliest of all) tea, and to discuss his new musical.  About which We can remember, unfortunately, nothing.

And here is the HorrorScope:

It’s a British trifecta, folks…happy birthday, Daniel Radcliffe!  (Not only is it Daniel Radcliffe’s birthday, but he is, very obligingly, turning twenty-four.)

You’ve got to think ahead today (Oh, hell…and here We’ve wasted the whole morning so far thinking behind.)

— what can you do now that can save you time and energy later?  (Talk Harry Styles and Prince Harry into jumping out of Daniel Radcliffe’s birthday cake?)

Your ability to plan and scheme is enhanced,  (Well, that’s one word for it.)

so you may as well make the most of it!  (Maybe, instead of “Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!”, We should call it “Best Horoscope Ever”?)

  On certain days, you’re just plain old lucky,  (None of those days, however, has a “Y” in its name.)

no matter who you’re with, what you do or whether it’s a foolhardy move or not.  (Andy Foolhardy and The Foolhardy Boys…there’s a joke in there somewhere, but damned if We can dig it out.)

This is your day to be lucky. (How fortuitous.)

Now, this doesn’t mean you should take off for a day of skydiving or motorcycling at 120 mph down the freeway, but if you’ve been thinking about getting to know someone new, and you’re feeling a bit on the not-so-brave side about starting up a conversation, think about that good fortune and use it.  (That was a really long sentence.  Without much of a point.  Shut. Up. Kelli.)

You’ve got a fun idea, a startling vision, a nutty scheme — and even if it’s still abstract, it’s ten million times more interesting than anyone else’s boring stuff.   (We are going to take that to refer to Looking for Uranus: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour.  Because why the hell not?)

Share what you’ve got in mind.  (Patience, Glasshoppah….snatch this pebble from Our snatch…)

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.