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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

My angel is the centerfold

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Hump Day, August TwennySebbenst, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Mike, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.

Happy Birthday also to Jeff, who also turns twenty-four today, also right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.

Two birthdays.  Hmph.  Pales by comparison to the multitudes of birthday celebrants the other day.  Which was, you will recall, of legendary length. And, by association of ideas, at least one of whom We had seen naked.

Speaking of naked people, here is a flashback to Our FIRST Virgo video, the one with the naked angel:

So ya know how, in movies and plays and continuing daytime dramas, when a character has an epiphany, and all of a sudden everything changes and is different?

In real life, not so much.

We had Ourself a epiphany recently, and not a damn thing is gonna change, at least for the next little while.  Although We will have gone from the insanity of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results to the insanity of doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results.

So there’s that.

In still other news, We recently heard some WorldWideInterWebNetzian advice, which We would like to pass on to you:

If people treat you as if they don’t care about you, BELIEVE THEM.  They DON’T.

In other other news, We have Our schedule at the Murder Mystery Factory for September.  We will be performing on Friday, September 12 and Friday, September 26.  If you are interested in seeing Us perform in same, holla at Us.  (For those naked skimmers who may not be aware, We have been promoted to A Position Of Power at the Factory, and so will be performing somewhat less.)

Meanwhile, thanks to the legions of naked angels who have expressed their desire to be Our date for one or more of Our Fringe Festival shows. (If you want to squeeze (ooooohhhh!) a bid in, check out the dates here: .  (Especially if the phrase “legendary length” is not unfamiliar to you.  (That particular e-pissode fo Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! has the extra added attraction of a phenomenal picture of Josh Henderson’s legendary derriere.  Just sayin’.))

We intend, if We can remain in the spirit of accomplishment in which We currently find Ourself, to purchase Our tickets after this e-pisstle.

And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:

It is Pee Wee Herman’s birthday.  Also, despite being Wednesday, it is Tuesday Weld’s birthday.

And now, in the interests of time management, and because, if you don’t care about Us, you’re not reading this, so you don ‘t know that We’re onto you, here, in lieu of call-and-response with Asshatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli, a reading from Madame Olivia:

Greetings Starzina ~

Hello again. Madame Olivia is happy to receive you.

Madame Olivia is very interested in the word commitment. It sounds like psychiatric jail to Madame Olivia's ears. In any case it's worth thinking about, and perhaps not just in the relationship realm, either, but in the realm of values and even work. Does this resonate with you? The first step is simply to be open to the possibility.

Dear Aries, Madame Olivia wants you to know that she has long admired the energetic way you rush into things. In the coming days, however, you may tend to be just a bit too heedless, unusual for you. The remedy is to be aware of the people around you to make sure they don't feel bulldozed or slighted instead of helped. It's so maddening when good instincts are misinterpreted. For now, mindfulness is the key. All manner of thing will be well.

Word of the hour: a certain secret will become important

It is time to take our leave for now. Madame Olivia wishes you Bon courage! See you next time.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.