Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Hump Day, August TwennySebbenst, 2014.
Happy Birthday to Mike, who turns twenty-four
today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.
Happy Birthday also to Jeff, who also turns
twenty-four today, also right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.
Two birthdays. Hmph.
Pales by comparison to the multitudes of birthday celebrants the other day. Which was, you will recall, of legendary
length. And, by association of ideas, at least one of whom We had seen naked.
Speaking of naked people,
here is a flashback to Our FIRST Virgo video, the one with the naked angel:
So ya know how, in movies
and plays and continuing daytime dramas, when a character has an epiphany, and
all of a sudden everything changes and is different?
In real life, not so much.
We had Ourself a epiphany
recently, and not a damn thing is gonna change, at least for the next little
while. Although We will have gone from
the insanity of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different
results to the insanity of doing the same thing over and over and expecting the
same results.
So there’s that.
In still other news, We
recently heard some WorldWideInterWebNetzian advice, which We would like to
pass on to you:
If people treat you as if
they don’t care about you, BELIEVE THEM.
They DON’T.
In other other news, We have
Our schedule at the Murder Mystery Factory for September. We will be performing on Friday, September 12
and Friday, September 26. If you are
interested in seeing Us perform in same, holla at Us. (For those naked skimmers who may not be
aware, We have been promoted to A Position Of Power at the Factory, and so will
be performing somewhat less.)
Meanwhile, thanks to the
legions of naked angels who have expressed their desire to be Our date for one
or more of Our Fringe Festival shows. (If you want to squeeze (ooooohhhh!) a
bid in, check out the dates here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/08/and-he-said-you-can-call-me-joshua.html
. (Especially if the phrase “legendary
length” is not unfamiliar to you. (That particular
e-pissode fo Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! has the extra added attraction of a
phenomenal picture of Josh Henderson’s legendary derriere. Just sayin’.))
We intend, if We can remain
in the spirit of accomplishment in which We currently find Ourself, to purchase
Our tickets after this e-pisstle.
And
heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:
It is Pee Wee Herman’s birthday. Also, despite being Wednesday, it is Tuesday Weld’s
birthday.
And now, in the interests of time management, and because, if you don’t
care about Us, you’re not reading this, so you don ‘t know that We’re onto you,
here, in lieu of call-and-response with Asshatted Ass(tromalogical)
Ho(roscopulist) Kelli, a reading from Madame Olivia:
Greetings Starzina ~
Hello again. Madame Olivia is happy to
receive you.
Madame Olivia is very interested in the word
commitment. It sounds like psychiatric jail to Madame Olivia's ears. In any
case it's worth thinking about, and perhaps not just in the relationship realm,
either, but in the realm of values and even work. Does this resonate with you?
The first step is simply to be open to the possibility.
Dear Aries, Madame Olivia wants you to know
that she has long admired the energetic way you rush into things. In the coming
days, however, you may tend to be just a bit too heedless, unusual for you. The
remedy is to be aware of the people around you to make sure they don't feel
bulldozed or slighted instead of helped. It's so maddening when good instincts
are misinterpreted. For now, mindfulness is the key. All manner of thing will
be well.
Word of the hour: a certain secret will
become important
It is time to take our leave for now. Madame
Olivia wishes you Bon courage! See you next time.
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think
of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say
(and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical)
ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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