Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for, August TwennyTwost, 2014.
Our Leo video (with its one imperfection (if
you know not of what We speak, go read the day before yesterday’s e-pissode
(damn naked skimmers (or, better yet, watch the video (Jeebus))))) is above,
and here is the link with which you may place it on the SitOnMyFaceBook pages
of your friends having Leonine birthdays: http://youtu.be/6kCzNp1JtDo
So apparently, everything We
do is wrong. And not doing anything is wrong as well. Sucks to be Us.
In other news, dear
PersonOnSitOnMyFaceBook: if you don’t know how to SPELL “Manhattan”, it is Our considered
opinion that they should not let you INTO Manhattan. And We don’t even live there. But We are certain that all of Our
Manhattanese Gentle Readers will agree with Us.
Despite the fact that We are
wrong.
It is within the realm of
possibility that, later in the day, We may have to HAVE a Manhattan.
In case you were finding
today’s e-pissode of Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! too cheerful, here’s this:
And
heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:
Well, no wonder We don’t feel like being
clever and witty and slinging bon mots in Our bonnet with bounteous bonhomie….it
is Dorothy Parker’s birthday, and who the hell can compete with that?
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think
of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and
how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical)
ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
No comments:
Post a Comment