Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for, August TwennyTwost, 2014.
Our Leo video (with its one imperfection (if you know not of what We speak, go read the day before yesterday’s e-pissode (damn naked skimmers (or, better yet, watch the video (Jeebus))))) is above, and here is the link with which you may place it on the SitOnMyFaceBook pages of your friends having Leonine birthdays: http://youtu.be/6kCzNp1JtDo
So apparently, everything We do is wrong. And not doing anything is wrong as well. Sucks to be Us.
In other news, dear PersonOnSitOnMyFaceBook: if you don’t know how to SPELL “Manhattan”, it is Our considered opinion that they should not let you INTO Manhattan. And We don’t even live there. But We are certain that all of Our Manhattanese Gentle Readers will agree with Us.
Despite the fact that We are wrong.
It is within the realm of possibility that, later in the day, We may have to HAVE a Manhattan.
In case you were finding today’s e-pissode of Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! too cheerful, here’s this:
And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:
Well, no wonder We don’t feel like being clever and witty and slinging bon mots in Our bonnet with bounteous bonhomie….it is Dorothy Parker’s birthday, and who the hell can compete with that?
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.