Hello, Ducks!
Starzina
Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Friday, August 09st , 2013. Happy Birthday to Dylan, who turns
twenty-four today somewhere in Tennessee.
Of course, if you were (subjunctively) looking at his picture, you would
realize that he is actually somewhere around Elevennessee. Just sayin’.
Heh. We said “junk”.
Are
We going too fast for you?
Happy
Birthday also too to Maribeth, who turns twenty-four today Somewhere In New
York That Is Not New York, New York. And
also too, Happy Birthday to Mary Jo, who and also too turns twenty-four today
Somewhere In Altoona That Is Not Altoona, Altoona.
That
doesn’t work as well with Altoona as it does with New York, does it? Although We are thinking that “Altoona, Altoona” would make a better
song. Because what the hell rhymes with “New
York”?
Don’t
mind Us. We are distracted by today’s
Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! Pixture Du Jour Au Jus No Muss Fuss Leave The Driving
To Us, which comes (heh) to Us courtesy of the aforementioned Dylan. It is, of course,
entitled “Dicktater”. (It is subtitled “Spuds
and Puds”.)
We
kill Us.
Speaking
of Leaving The Driving To Us, there is no one here to fly the plane, because Karen
Black died.
We
are off to do the murder mystery this evening for what looks to be Our teeniest
tiniest house yet (unless of course they cancel it on Us…that has happened once
so far). On the plus side, if We do do
it (heh…We said “doo-doo”), We shall have Guests in the audience for the second
week in a row.
We
were about to launch upon a screed, but it has been averted. Lucky, lucky you.
In other news of vital importance to the
realm, We did actually begin to write the script for Our Fringe show the other
day. We are talking, of course, about LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour , the
Kickstarter fundraiser for which
can be found here:
Thanks to all of Our investors so far, whose generosity
has pushed Us over the 50%- funded mark!
(Please do NOT let this fact deter you from helping
out…We only get the funds if We become 100% funded.)
And,
of course, they also help who show the hell up, so here is where tickets can be
obtained: http://fringearts.ticketleap.com/looking-for-uranus-starzina-starfish-brownes-comeback-tour/#view=calendar
And
here is the HorrorScope:
Really, celebrity birthday site?
It is Ian Ziering’s ex-wife’s birthday?
What exactly about that news is supposed to make Us NOT want to go right
back to bed?
Service is
all-important today — but you’re on the delivery side this time! (Is that,
like, a metaphor or something?)
(Heh. See what We did there?)
Help those who need it
most and see if you can get your customers to tell you what they really
want. (It’s a murder mystery. With dinner.
They want cocktails. Duh.)
You’ll enjoy a surge
of power today, (Good thing We’re
wearing this surge protector. (And YOU
thought We looked stupid.))
which could cause some
problems with one of your relationships — this person thought they were the one
in charge, and it’s going to be a bit painful for them to face reality, today. (See earlier:
screed, averted.)
(You have, of course,
no idea what We’re talking about. Which
is fine, as neither do We.)
Handle this potentially tense situation by
anticipating their objections. (Or confuse them, and object to their
anticipations.)
They are going through
a bit of paranoia, and it’s wisest for you not to play into it. (It isn’t
paranoia if they actually ARE all out to get you.)
So don’t rush to
defend yourself about what they’re saying. (But…but…)
(That was an
existential joke. Wait for it….THERE ya
go.)
They will come around
eventually. (Around what?)
Your powers of
discrimination are peaking (Are you sure you mean “peaking”, and not “peeking”? Or “piquing”?
(Or “Peking”? Like the duck?))
(“Like the duck”…Are We
funny or what? (Who said, “Or what”?))
— so take some time
for a little shopping, both for material goods and for potential suitors. (Wait…We can BUY suitors now???)
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but
better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For
real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good
friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own
epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by
comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There
is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal
blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the
Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets
and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
