Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday, August 27rd, 2013. (We had to come back up here just now to point out that, on this particular Tuesday, Tuesday Weld turns seventy. Also, We have apparently been remiss in never witnessing a screening of her magnum opus, Sex Kittens Go To College.)
Happy Birthday to Jeff, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles. Also, Happy Birthday to Mike, who also turns twenty-four today, also right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.
Meanwhile, people that We thought were already dead need to stop dying, because We find it very disconcerting. Neil Armstrong, We’re talking to you. (Paging Neil Armstrong….Neil Armstrong, to the white courtesy Ouija board….)
Okay, no more tricky rhetoric (is Tricky Rhetoric a fabulous drag queen name, or what? You ain’t just Ritalin Trixie.) You need to go, right now, to the KickStarter for Our Fringe show, LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour , which can be found here:
ESPECIALLY if you haven’t contributed yet, but have been thinking of contributing, but have been procrastinating (We know exactly how you feel….We used to procrastinate, too, until We decided to just put it off…) You will laugh and laugh when you see where Our total is, and then YOU could be the one to put Us over the top.
(As though We need any HELP going over the top.)
Thanks to all of Our investors so far, and this thing ends Thursday morning, so this is the next-to-last time you should be hearing about it, other than to be thanked profusely.
Another way to help out (and thanks to the many of you who have already done this) is to share the project with your SitOnMyFaceBook friends. It is not too late to do this, as We can accept funds beyond Our goal. Graciously, goddammit.
And, of course, they also help who show the hell up, so here is where tickets can be obtained: http://fringearts.ticketleap.com/looking-for-uranus-starzina-starfish-brownes-comeback-tour/#view=calendar
There is also a SitOnMyFaceBook event here: https://www.facebook.com/events/706806152678843/ for your convenience in sharing on that platform.
In other news, kicking the tail-end of this over-a-week-long ailment is causing Us to sleep like We’ve been bitten by tsetse flies, have dreams like We’ve been drinking absinthe with Mary Hart and Jane Fonda, and just generally behave like a useless pile of protoplasm. (Even more than usual.) Sigh.
And here is the HorrorScope:
In celebrity birthday news, Pee-Wee Herman is sixty-one, which somehow makes him even creepier. Also, Happy Birthday to Aaron Paul of Breaking Bad.
Perseverance is the keyword of the day. (And pusillanimous is the keyword of the night, and peripatetic is the keyword of teatime. What’s your point? (Pointillism is the keyword of the evening.))
You should stick to whatever plan you had hatched, (Eeeeeuuuuuwwwww!)
even if things start to go south pretty quickly. (Is this one of those “the South will rise again” thingies? Because, seriously, not on Our watch.)
If you stick to it, you can salvage quite a lot! (What a revolting sentence.)
Try not to let small distractions get in the way of the larger picture, (Sorry…did you say something?)
(So is the larger picture the one that matches the couch?)
when someone tries to sidetrack you from what you really should be doing. (We SHOULD be putting the finishing touches on Our script. Instead, We’re talking to YouPeople. You’re welcome.)
It’s in your best interests to stay as focused as possible. (Sorry…did you say something?)
(Jokes are funnier when you tell them over and over again.)
Keep your eyes on the prize and the rewards will follow. (And all of a sudden We’re in a Publishers’ Clearing House commercial.)
A better time to get into the who, what and why of your feelings is coming soon. (Micro$oft Weird™ is looking askance at “the who” in that sentence, and, for once, We agree with it. It’s “The Who”.)
Arguing could be another way for you to flirt, (Could not.)
but today you need to lay off the cage-match act. (That is not the act We had in mind.)
If you’re agreeable, you should get more attention than if you start a war of words. (To say nothing of a war of worms.)
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.