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Wednesday, August 7, 2013

And Jupiter aligns with Mars

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  WinesDay, August 7rd , 2013.  Happy Birthday to Ariel, who turns twenty-four today all the way out on The Left Coast.    And, to the rest of you, Happy Hump Day and  Happy Shark Week.  And to you multi-taskers, Happy Hump A Shark Week.

You will have to forgive Our lack of coherence; We have, for some reason, been awake since the veritable crack of ass this morning.  We are chock full of ideas for the script for Our Fringe show, but We lack the motor skills to type them.  Also, We have no beginning or ending, so We are going to start writing in the middle, and it is unclear to Us how We will know when to stop.

We are talking, of course, about  Our upcoming Fringe Festival show, LOOKING FOR URANUS:  Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour , the Kickstarter fundraiser for  which can be found here:   

Thanks to all of Our investors so far, whose generosity has pushed Us over the 50%- funded mark!

(Please do NOT let this fact deter you from helping out…We only get the funds if We become 100% funded.)

Another way to help out (and thanks to the many of you who have already done this) is to share the project with your SitOnMyFaceBook friends.

And, of course, they also help who show the hell up, so here is where tickets can be obtained:

And here is the HorrorScope:

In celebrity birthdays, someone called Sidney Crosby was born today.  He is a Pittsburgh Penguin.  We are not entirely sure what that means (Blair?), but We suspect it is sports-related, and Young Mister Crosby looks like an excellent reason to be an athletic supporter.  In much gayer news, if she were (subjunctively) still alive, Billie Burke (Glinda the Good Witch from The Wizard of Oz ) would be a hundred and twenty-nine today.

In an effort to get to steppin’, here is a reading from Madame Olivia in lieu of an annoyance from Kelli the AssHat:

Greetings Eric ~

Madame Olivia is pleased to see you again.

Madame Olivia wonders what you do when you find yourself in a down mood. It can be helpful to think about acknowledging the ways in which you enjoy good fortune. Madame Olivia cannot bear clichés like "Count your blessings," yet there is such a germ of great truth there: seriously, what are you grateful for? It's amazing how this can shift your perspective into something more contented.

As the first sun sign to leap into the zodiacal year, little Aries, Madame Olivia has long thought of you as the engine pulling the other 11 cars behind you. Luckily you have the requisite energy to do this but please remember to care for your wonderful machine. This includes rest and even more importantly, trying not to overcommit. As always, step one is to simply watch yourself without judging as you find yourself saying yes. This will lead to future mindfulness and perhaps moderation (not one of Madame Olivia's favorite words but still important for you).

Be on the watch for a particular feline

It's been a pleasure to be with you. Farewell from Madame Olivia until we meet again.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.