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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

You don’t count your money while you’re sitting at the table

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  Wednesday, August 21rd  , 2013. Happy Birthday to Mark, who turns twenty-four today Somewhere In New Jersey.  The part that’s a suburb of Philly, not the part that’s a suburb of New York.  Also not the part that’s Downa Shore, and not the part in the middle that’s a big swamp.  Geography: it’s not just for breakfast any more.  Also, Happy Birthday to Connie, who also turns twenty-four today, mercifully right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.

Either We are on the road to recovery from The Masque Of The Red Death which has been plaguing (get it?) Us all week, or else We are just so crammed full of pills and potions that Our imminent death is no longer an issue.  One way or t’other, perhaps later We shall tap The Cask Of Amontillado.

We are just gonna go right ahead and name Dinah Shore and Edgar Allan Poe here, so Our Short Bus Readers will understand how We’ve indexed this e-pissode.

In other news of vital importance to the realm, We spent a great deal of Our time last week slaving and toiling over the script for Our Fringe show.  Unfortunately, even with Our ailment in remission (or pseudo-remission (or nocturnal emission (just thought We’d throw that in there to see if you were paying attention (We Our Own Self Personally are too POOR to pay attention)))), We are feeling about as creative as McDonna’s refrigerator magnets.   The show in question is, of course,   LOOKING FOR URANUS:  Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour , the Kickstarter fundraiser for  which can be found here:   

Thanks to all of Our investors so far, whose generosity has pushed Us up to the 70%- funded mark!

(Please do NOT let this fact deter you from helping out…We only get the funds if We become 100% funded, and We currently seem to be a little stalled.)

Another way to help out (and thanks to the many of you who have already done this) is to share the project with your SitOnMyFaceBook friends.

And, of course, they also help who show the hell up, so here is where tickets can be obtained:

There is also a SitOnMyFaceBook event here: for your convenience in sharing on that platform.

Did We really shout out Our favorite naked Arapaho yesterday, and not get so much as a “How!” in return?

And here is the HorrorScope:

Breaking Bad fans:  it is RJ Mitte (Walt Junior)’s 21st birthday.

And may We just add Today’s Pet Peeve: The word is “whoa”.  “Woah” is not a word. KThxBye.

And now, because We have Things To Do (and no one to do them for Us), We give you, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHat Kelli, a reading from Madame Olivia:

Greetings Eric ~

Welcome back and thank you for consulting Madame Olivia.

Madame Olivia has a sensational idea for you. Every day for one week, strike up a conversation with one appealing stranger. Only one, but it really needs to be every day so you get in the swing of it. This is called exposure (a kind of therapy, not perversion!) and it will give you an amazing amount of experience in one week. You will get desensitized to the terror of meeting people and you will also, and this is no small matter, meet a lot of people.

Is Madame Olivia right, dear Aries, that people are surprised to learn you are in fact an Aries? It's such a powerful sign and yet you go through life with humility. Madame Olivia doesn't want to tamper with this beautiful quality but right now you should feel free to impose your will on others. Your ultimate goal, after all, is to insure the greatest good for all concerned. Don't let modesty or fear get in your way.

Important number for you at this time: 12

It is time to take our leave for now. Madame Olivia wishes you Bon courage! See you next time.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.