Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for JustAnotherMacManicMonday, August 26nd , 2013. (“MacManic” is, of course, the Scottish version of “manic”, which has the extra added attraction of the fact that, while you are running around like a crazy person, you are wearing a kilt. So We get occasional glimpses of your naughty bits.)
Speaking of Scotland, Happy Bank Holiday to Our Gentle Readers everywhere in the UK except Scotland, where apparently they have to work. While, no doubt, people try to look up their kilts.
Although there are no birthday wishes for today, there are a slew of them for yesterday, which had more SitOnMyFaceBook friends’ birthdays than any day We can recall. Happy Birthday to Brendan, who turned twenty-four yesterday in Massachusetts. (Which really should have a little song to sing to tell you how to spell it, a la “Em-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-Pee-Pee-Eye” for Mississippi. Because, without such a little song, We always Eff it up the first time, and We know a lot of people who live there.)
Heh. We said “Pee-Pee”.
Happy Birthday also to Philip, who turned twenty-four yesterday in New York. New York, New York, that is. Public pools, Broadway stars. (Read it again, out loud. It’ll come to you…THERE ya go!)
Happy Birthday also to Ron, who also turned twenty-four yesterday in Hotlanta.
Meanwhile, right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles, Happy Birthday to Althea, and Kai, and Michelle, and Liam, and Liam, each of whom turned twenty-four here yesterday , with the possible exception of one of the Liams, who might not have quite turned twenty-four yet. Because We’re hip like that, and know young people.
This, naturally, leads to the question as to whether two Liams equal a Billiam. Math is hard.
In still other news, We will confess that We did not watch the VMAs last night, but. Miley. Cyrus. On Friday, all anyone could talk about was that Ben Affleck was the new Batman. In the middle of the VMAs, the entire WorldWideInterWebNetz were agog over Justin Timberlake’s performance. But today, all anyone can talk about is Miley Cyrus. So We would say she achieved her goal.
Also, people are stupid.
Also, Justin Timberlake. Sigh.
In other news of vital importance to the realm, We had a very productive production meeting this weekend for Our Fringe show. The show in question is, of course, LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour , the Kickstarter fundraiser for which can be found here:
Thanks to all of Our investors so far, whose generosity has pushed Us up past the 85%- funded mark!
(Please do NOT let this fact deter you from helping out…We only get the funds if We become 100% funded.)
If you haven’t contributed yet, you should know that there are as of this e-pisstle only sixty-nine hours left!
Another way to help out (and thanks to the many of you who have already done this) is to share the project with your SitOnMyFaceBook friends.
And, of course, they also help who show the hell up, so here is where tickets can be obtained: http://fringearts.ticketleap.com/looking-for-uranus-starzina-starfish-brownes-comeback-tour/#view=calendar
There is also a SitOnMyFaceBook event here: https://www.facebook.com/events/706806152678843/ for your convenience in sharing on that platform.
And here is the HorrorScope:
In case you were mistakenly feeling young today, Macaulay Culkin is thirty-three. Also, Mother Teresa is still dead.
Your sense of permanence needs reinforcement. (Soooo you’re saying that Our sense of permanence is impermanent? Alrighty, then.)
Recommit yourself to your sweetie, your job, your family or whatever else has the deepest roots. (Honey, the deepest roots get the bleach. (Is that a saying? Like “the squeaky wheel gets the grease”? Because, if it isn’t, it should be.))
You are sure to feel better once you’ve done it! (It’s been quite a while, but We’re fairly certain that One always feels better when One has “done it”. Just sayin’.)
Just because you don’t share all of someone’s values doesn’t mean that you and this new person in your life are completely incompatible. (But do We share all of their Value Meals?)
So if you’ve been thinking about getting closer to them, don’t let their surprising positions on controversial matters stop you. (“Surprising Positions On Controversial Matters” was, oddly enough, Our nickname in high school.)
Once you dig deeper into what they’re saying — and really listen to why they feel the way they feel — you’ll begin to see that sometimes you say things people don’t agree with too. (Wait…what is all this “saying” crap? Are We talking or “doing it”?)
Patience should be your highest priority today. (Gawd, give Us patience, and give it to Us right the fuck now!)
Rushing others to finish up doesn’t do anyone any favors. (Indeed.)
Give people room to breathe and you could be pleasantly surprised! (Unless you have an erotic asphyxiation fetish.)
(Didn’t see THAT coming (heh), didja?)
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.