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Thursday, August 1, 2013

Holding out for a hero

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  ThurstonHowellTheThirdsDayThursdayThorsDayWeOnceActuallyKnewAPersonNamedThorWhoDoesThat?  August 1th , 2013.

We are currently so far behind that We are being forced to look at Our Own ass.  No wonder no one ever wants to hang out with Us.   Consequently, We are going to put on some briefs and make this suck sinked.

When you visit Our KickStarter, you need to click on the big pixture of Us in order to play the video.

We have alluded previously to Our upcoming Fringe Festival show, Looking for Uranus: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour, tickets for which are (parenthetically (despite the absence (until now) of parentheses)) now on sale at

But now, through the magic of the InterNetz, We are offering YOU the opportunity to help Us produce said show!  Yes, ladies and genitals, boys and gerbils, We have launched a KickStarter crowdfunding project to help Us defray the initial outlay expenses.  Won’t you please go and check it out, and give what you can?  Here is the link:

And thanks to all of those early-bird investors (why exactly One would WANT a worm is somewhat beyond Us, but whatevs), We are already over 25% funded!

(Please do NOT let this fact  deter you from helping out…We only get the funds if We become 100% funded.)

 In fact, We had one investor a few minutes after the project went live, before We had so much as peeped about it elsewhere.  The WorldWideInterWebNetz are a miraculous place.

We trust you are all also enjoying Our new Leo video, which is, of course, above.  And here is the link with which you are no doubt already busily sharing it with all of your friends.  As you do. .

Meanwhile, nice day if it don’t rain.

And here is the HorrorScope:

It is Cymphonique Miller’s birthday.  Ya know, ya need a license to get a dawg, but apparently, ya can have a baby and name it any ol’ damn thing ya please…

We accidentally collected AssHat Kelli’s Leo daily horoscope before We noticed.  We sure hope she didn’t break a nail copying and pasting…

Here is Leo:

You’ve got a unique way of thinking, and today puts it in stark contrast to the more sedate frame of mind of those around you. Bust out with great ideas and show the world what you’ve got! 

Here is Aries:

You’re busting out with new ideas and schemes today — so take notes! It may be a better time to plan than to take action, but if something is super-hot, you might as well go for it now! 

We. Can’t. Even.

Leonardo DiCaprio.  There; that’s better.

Here is the rest of the Aires horoscope; do with it what you will:

Friends are the family you choose for yourself — and you have chosen very well! That will become all the more apparent today when someone backs you up in a potentially embarrassing situation. Once again, this person has come to your rescue! To repay them, don’t get out your credit card or make dinner reservations — tell them how much they really mean to you, how much you value them in your life. Honest communication like this will make a bigger impression on them than any gift could.Now is a great time to answer some of those online profiles you’ve been checking out! Keep your messages short, sweet and sexy, because a little flirting can go a long way right now!

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.