Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for ThurstonHowellTheThirdsDay, August 29nd , 2013.
Happy Birthday to Meghan, who turns twenty-four today somewhere in Greater Bostonia. Which is a very small fishing nation wedged between Estonia and Latvia. (Today’s e-pissode will consist entirely of stolen and recycled jokes, as We are saving all of Our Fresh New Jokes for the completion of Our Looking for Uranus script. (Do We have any Fresh New Jokes? Where are the Fresh New Jokes? Did We forget to order Fresh New Jokes? GODDAMMITTTTT!!!!))
So the KickStarter for Our Fringe show, LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour , was successful. We were watching as the “seconds left” counter ticked to zero. There really needed to be a sound effect. And possibly cake. But We are certainly not complaining. Thank you to everyone who contributed, and everyone who helped by sharing the info with their friends.
Now it’s time to GO BUY TICKETS:
There is also a SitOnMyFaceBook event here: https://www.facebook.com/events/706806152678843/ for your convenience in sharing on that platform.
Our script, meanwhile, awaits finishing touches. Also, an ending. So We really need to hurry this along.
And here is the HorrorScope:
Liam Payne of One Direction is twenty today. Sigh.
And, in an effort to finish this quick, fast, and in a hurry, here in lieu of the blatherings of Kelli, the AssHattiest AssHat To Ever Have AssHatted, a reading from Madame Olivia:
Greetings Eric ~
Madame Olivia is very happy to have you back.
Madame Olivia has a paradoxical thought about procrastination: it can sometimes be put to good use. If, for example, you are trying to resist an unwholesome impulse, like eating or drinking or doing a certain thing, try telling yourself I'll do it later. In short, put it off! This will give you time to distract yourself and strengthen your sense of personal control, and thus increase your life satisfaction quotient. Try it.
Little Aries, Madame Olivia knows you like to win and hopes you don't feel guilty about it, as this can rob you of strength. Just go for it and let your inborn kindness to others flourish at the same time. You will find that the combination of ambition and kindness is unbeatable. You'll get what you want and honestly, everybody else will be the better for it too.
Portentous color for you now: any purple
Madame Olivia sends to you her own positive energy and best wishes for your continued journey.
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.