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Friday, January 17, 2014

Totally naked, Bay-Bee, totally nude





Hello, Ducks!




Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  FriedEgg, January Seventeenst, TwennyFourTeen. Happy Birthday to Deborah, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.  Also, Happy Birthday to Allen, who also turns twenty-four today, somewhere out in Missininnesotana, which is, or so We understand, near West Wisconsonomington.  Whence Our actor-friend recently brought cultchah to the Sodomites, or whatever religious sect it is that occupies those parts.



Faithful Gentle Readers (who are NOT naked skimmers) will recall Allen from Our recent Picturing Allen And Kevin Naked Week back in October (which see here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/10/im-fking-matt-damon.html ).  The accompanying story being, of course, that We had in fact actually seen both Allen and Kevin naked in the same place, at practically the same time.  How it is that We never received the sexts We requested is beyond Us.



So, at any rate, Happy Birthday to Allen, and to Allen’s birthday suit.
Missininnesotana and West Wisconsonomington being geographically semi-adjacent, One wonders that Allen and Our actor-friend never ran into each other at, say, the Piggly-Wiggly.  Of course, they would have no way of recognizing each other, as We have seen one of them naked and the other one only not-naked.



(We’re gonna pause here for a moo-moo to give you a chance to see if you can figger out what the fuck We’re even talking about.  And, if you DO figger it out, to tell Us about it.)



In other news, We need you all right now quick fast  and in a hurry to get your tickets for  LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour in Centre Theatre’s Independent Voices Festival in Norristown tonight at 8, before they are all sold out.  We are very proud to have been chosen to be a part of this festival, and We want to see you there. 



Tickets are available at  http://thecentretheater.ticketleap.com/



Also, check out the SitOnOurFaceBook event (https://www.facebook.com/events/259746334150716/ (FYI That is NOT Our mouth in the logo)).



We are also currently in talks regarding appearances in Greater Bostonia; stay tuned for further info as it becomes available.



Our video (Capricorn, for you naked skimmers who aren’t paying attention) is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends   http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM

         
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On repeat viewing, We must say that that particular video is one of Our favorites.  It has, over time, been somewhat e-clipsed by the artsy-fartsiness of Our French New Wave e-pissode:




…as well as by, naturally, The One With Justin Bieber’s Penis:





And now, the HorrorScope…




A whole slew of famous folks were born today, from Betty White to Jim Carrey, and Michelle Obama to Benjamin Franklin.  But who else is gonna tell ya that it’s Ita Buttrose’s birthday today?  Nobody, that’s who.



And now, as We must prepare Our hindparts to travel to beautiful downtown Norristown, We leave you with a reading from Madame Olivia. Who, you will notice has grown much less reticent about Uranus, and now uses phrases like “booster rocket of your dreams”.



Greetings Starzina ~

Hello again. Madame Olivia is happy to receive you.

Madame Olivia is burning to share with you the following: she just dined in a restaurant where a charming server described a dessert as "sultry and comforting." Madame Olivia was instantly struck with the realization that so often this cunning combo is exactly what people look for in love objects! She entreats you to think about this when you approach candidates for your love. She senses that this might be the booster rocket of your dreams, relationship-wise. You heard it here!

As Uranus continues its travels through your sign, Aries, some important things are getting shaken up. Madame Olivia, admittedly not one to delay gratification, thinks this is an excellent opportunity for you to enjoy what the world has to offer and have fun. This is the kind of suggestion Madame Olivia really likes to make: revel in joy when you can!

Circles and round things will be of import in the near future

It is time to take our leave for now. Madame Olivia wishes you Bon courage! See you next time.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.



In gaseousness,


Starzina Starfish-Browne


(Your Your-O-Scopes:


(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.