Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg,
January Seventeenst, TwennyFourTeen. Happy Birthday to Deborah, who turns twenty-four
today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles. Also, Happy Birthday to Allen, who also turns
twenty-four today, somewhere out in Missininnesotana, which is, or so We
understand, near West Wisconsonomington.
Whence Our actor-friend recently brought cultchah to the Sodomites, or
whatever religious sect it is that occupies those parts.
Faithful Gentle Readers (who are NOT naked
skimmers) will recall Allen from Our recent Picturing Allen And Kevin Naked
Week back in October (which see here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/10/im-fking-matt-damon.html
). The accompanying story being, of
course, that We had in fact actually seen both Allen and Kevin naked in the
same place, at practically the same time.
How it is that We never received the sexts We requested is beyond Us.
So, at any rate, Happy Birthday to Allen, and
to Allen’s birthday suit.
Missininnesotana and West Wisconsonomington
being geographically semi-adjacent, One wonders that Allen and Our actor-friend
never ran into each other at, say, the Piggly-Wiggly. Of course, they would have no way of
recognizing each other, as We have seen one of them naked and the other one
only not-naked.
(We’re gonna pause here for a moo-moo to give
you a chance to see if you can figger out what the fuck We’re even talking
about. And, if you DO figger it out, to
tell Us about it.)
In other news, We need you all right now
quick fast and in a hurry to get your
tickets for LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina
Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour in Centre Theatre’s Independent Voices
Festival in Norristown tonight at 8, before they are all sold out. We are very proud to have been chosen to be a
part of this festival, and We want to see you there.
Also, check out the SitOnOurFaceBook event (https://www.facebook.com/events/259746334150716/
(FYI That is NOT Our mouth in the
logo)).
We are also currently in talks regarding
appearances in Greater Bostonia; stay tuned for further info as it becomes
available.
Our video (Capricorn, for you naked skimmers
who aren’t paying attention) is above, and here is the link with which you may
share it with your friends: http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM
.
.
On repeat viewing, We must
say that that particular video is one of Our favorites. It has, over time, been somewhat e-clipsed by
the artsy-fartsiness of Our French New Wave e-pissode:
…as well as by, naturally,
The One With Justin Bieber’s Penis:
And now, the HorrorScope…
A whole slew of famous folks were born today, from Betty
White to Jim Carrey, and Michelle Obama to Benjamin Franklin. But who else is gonna tell ya that it’s Ita
Buttrose’s birthday today? Nobody, that’s
who.
And now, as We must prepare Our hindparts to travel to
beautiful downtown Norristown, We leave you with a reading from Madame Olivia.
Who, you will notice has grown much less reticent about Uranus, and now uses
phrases like “booster rocket of your dreams”.
Greetings Starzina ~
Hello again. Madame Olivia is happy to
receive you.
Madame Olivia is burning to share with
you the following: she just dined in a restaurant where a charming server
described a dessert as "sultry and comforting." Madame Olivia was
instantly struck with the realization that so often this cunning combo is exactly
what people look for in love objects! She entreats you to think about this when
you approach candidates for your love. She senses that this might be the
booster rocket of your dreams, relationship-wise. You heard it here!
As Uranus continues its travels through
your sign, Aries, some important things are getting shaken up. Madame Olivia,
admittedly not one to delay gratification, thinks this is an excellent
opportunity for you to enjoy what the world has to offer and have fun. This is
the kind of suggestion Madame Olivia really likes to make: revel in joy when
you can!
Circles and round things will be of
import in the near future
It is time to take our leave for now.
Madame Olivia wishes you Bon courage! See you next time.
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but
better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For
real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good
friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam,
and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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