Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday, January TwennyOneth, TwennyFourTeen.
It has just begun to snow here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles, and We weren’t even going to e-pisstle today, as We have other fishsticks to fry, but it came on…er, TO Our attention that We have changed ass(tromalogical) ho(roscopular) signs, so We thought we’d best just drop in to see what condition Our condition was in.
We are now in the sign of Aquarius, the only sign of the zodiac for which there is only one Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope video. Fortunately, it doesn’t suck.
It is also, We notice, the birthday of a ridiculously hot collection of menz (Our favorite!). And so, without further ado (Hi, Jill! Adieu, Jill!), Happy Birthday to Brandon, who turns twenty-four today in Mary-Had-A-Little-Land. Happy Birthday also to Blake, who also turns twenty-four today in Scrotum…er, Scranton. (We have no idea what made Us suddenly think of male genitalia…) Happy Birthday also too to Heshie, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.
And last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Birthday additionally to Peter (again, We have no idea what made Us suddenly think of male genitalia…), who additionally turns twenty-four today at Phil A Mignon (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Phil-A-Mignon/627402920610371) , Home Of The Whopper (and still yet again, We have no idea what made Us suddenly think of male genitalia…)
And now We really must scurry,as We have actual Snow Day Plans. Yes, indeedy, ladies and genitals (there they are again), an actual non-imaginary friend is coming over with his Really Big Wrench and his Buttcrack so We can play Hot Plumber and Bored Slutty Housewife Watch SAG Screeners And Eat Junk Food.
Our video (Aquarius, for you naked skimmers who aren’t paying attention) is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends: http://youtu.be/ovOtlxcnC50
And now, the HorrorScope…
Our celebrity birthday website wants Us to know that somebody called Boo Boo Stewart (yes, that’s two separate “Boo”s) turns twenty today. Boo Boo is apparently an actor in the Twilight series, which We have never had the pleasure of seeing. Although We certainly would enjoy being privy to the casting process for same. (Damn…there’s them male genitalia again!)
(Okay, that’s it, We’re outtie. We’ve gotta go write Our name on a plumber in the snow…)
Peace out, peeps.
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.