Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FreidEgg, January Tenf, 2014. Happy Birthday to John, who turns twenty-four today all the way out in Fran Sancisco. Where they think Rice-A-Roni™ is a treat. (Christ alone knows what they’d do if you gave ‘em Kraft™ Macaroni and Cheese.) Happy Birthday also to Zach, who also turns twenty-four today, somewhere out in Amish country. Where they think electricity is a treat. Also Happy Birthday also to Jason, who also turns twenty-four today, all the way out in Washington. The state, that is. Where We have no idea what they think is a treat.
Happy Belated Birthday, meanwhile, to Fernando, who turned twenty-four yesterday somewhere on The Left Coast. Where, it would seem, the weather would be a treat for the rest of Us. Happy Belated Birthday also to Bill, who also turned twenty-four yesterday, right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles, and whose super-sized treat propriety prevents Us from discussing. Also too, Happy Belated Birthday to Josh, who did not EVEN turn twenty-four yesterday, and who is totally a treat in his own right. (Let’s have a cocktail soon. And make a movie.)
We went out to do the murder mystery on Wednesday evening, and returned home EXHAUSTED. Apparently, We were not as over Our flu as We thought. We are doing it again tonight and tomorrow…We hope We live.
Then, on Sunday, We are doing LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour in Centre Theatre’s Independent Voices Festival in Norristown. We are very proud to have been chosen to be a part of this. Is anybody coming to see it, or are We going to be left entirely to Our Own devices out there? Sometimes, We feel as though We plug things in here, and nobody pays the least bit of attention.
Tickets are now available at http://thecentretheater.ticketleap.com/
Also, check out the SitOnOurFaceBook event (https://www.facebook.com/events/259746334150716/ (FYI That is NOT Our mouth in the logo)).
We are also currently in talks regarding appearances in Greater Bostonia; stay tuned for further info as it becomes available.
Our video (Capricorn, for you naked skimmers who aren’t paying attention) is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends: http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM.
On repeat viewing, We must say that that particular video is one of Our favorites. It has, over time, been somewhat e-clipsed by the artsy-fartsiness of Our French New Wave e-pissode:
…as well as by, naturally, The One With Justin Bieber’s Penis:
And now, the HorrorScope…
They have changed Our celebrity birthday website to make it more difficult to use. Because that was apparently somebody’s job. So We are here to tell you that Rod Stewart, Pat Benatar, and Jim Croce all have birthdays today. None of which is funny in the least.
Speaking of not funny, We need to go rehearse for the Festival, as We haven’t performed that show since November. Consequently, in lieu of ass(tromalogical) ho(roscopular) call-and-response with Kelli the AssHatt, we give you a reading from Madame Olivia:
Greetings Starzina ~
It's nice to have you back. Welcome to Madame Olivia.
Madame Olivia has an inspired thought for you: pick up your phone and call or text somebody who is pining to hear from you. You probably know who. The textee's heart will be gladdened and you will feel good. Who knows, kismet may throw in an extra bonus. Nothing is impossible.
Everybody thinks you're so tough, Aries, but they don't know your tender center. Madame Olivia thinks it is time for you to begin to show that vulnerable side to a few select people. Be choosy but brave; take the risk with a few people you trust. You'll forge stronger connections with them and ironically make discoveries about yourself.
You have been noticed
Madame Olivia sends to you her own positive energy and best wishes for your continued journey.
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.