Try having people stopping you to ask you "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" It gets old.

(What? Too soon?)

Greetings, Educational Recess Invigorates Class---


Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, June 01, 2010 (We trust all y’all had a lovely holiday weekend, despite the celebrities dropping like flies. In Our own defense, We should point out that We have had this particular Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Pommes Frites Au Bon Pain Susan Saint James (what the h3ll does SHE have to do with anything?) lying about for quite some time, and, if not now, when? Gary Coleman, Dennis Hopper, Louise Bourgeois…(We shall pause here while all y’all scurry to Google that last one on Wikipedia) it was a rough weekend for the quasi-rich and the semi-famous. Thankfully, We are neither. (We just took Our own quick pause to look up Susan Saint James; she is mercifully not dead yet.) Meanwhile, despite the fact that In The Midst Of Life We Are In Death, or some such, We Our Own Selves Personally spent the weekend celebrating the anniversary of Our nativity. “What?” We hear you exclaim. “But your birthday was in April.” (We also hear the rest of you exclaim, “Oh, was it your birthday?”) Indeed. But never let it be said that, despite not actually BEING a celebrity, We cannot celebrate like one. (With celerity, and celery. In case you were wondering. (Oh, shut up. It’s just another manic Monday, wearing its Tuesday panties. With Friday’s panty shield, and a couple of skidmarks of indeterminate origin. (Our word pixtures…see how We paints them.)))):


(Micro$oft Weird™ would have Us believe that “skidmarks” is not a word. Micro$oft Weird™ has clearly not seen Our Tuesday panties.)


(Is it wrong that the thing that most concerned Us about Gary Coleman’s death was what were they gonna do about Avenue Q? (As it turns out, they only edited it very slightly.))


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


That inner tension you're feeling? (Much like The Lady From Ealing. Who laid on her back, and opened her cr@ck. And p1ssed all over the ceiling.)


(Ya just never know when a limerick is gonna break out, do ya?)


The stuff that's making you absolutely wired, (Well, the last sentence DID have cr@ck in it.)


even if you haven't had anything stronger than decaf for months? (Decaf? The h3ll you say. Talk about your pointless fluids. Much like non-alcoholic beer. Speaking of which, We got an email this morning informing Us that The City That Loves You (On Your) Back is about to have Beer Week. From June 4 to June 13. Heh. Is this a great city, or what?)


(We got another email informing Us that Hurricane Season begins today. So Happy Hurricane Season, y’all.)


Don't fight it. (Pretend it’s The Funk. Whatever the Fu(k The Funk is.)


You can get an awful lot done when you're feeling the stress of an impending deadline. (Also, when you’ve got the fever for the flavor of a Pringles™.)


(Why, no. We have no idea what We’re talking about. Why do you ask?)


Even if you don't have one, pretend. (Is it just Us, or is there a whole lot of pretending going on in here this morning?)


Stop squinting. (You are not the boss of Us.)


(Which brings Us to thing Number Sixty-two kabillion and eleventy-twelve that We love about funemployment: We. Have. No. G0dd@mn. Boss.)


It's not you, but it's not them, either. (Technically, that should read “it’s not they”. And yes, We DO judge you when you use bad grammar.)


It's a 'failure to communicate,' and there's just no way to fix it now. (Well, not if you’re going to take that sort of defeatist attitude.)


Take a time-out on that conversation. (Actually, We just read ahead through the rest of this horoscope, and We think We’re gonna take a time-out on THIS conversation.)


If you're in bed past seven, it'll be a miracle. Also, once you're up, issue warnings to anyone who's not moving as quickly as you are. Which might be everyone around you. Overtime is definitely on the agenda, and lots of it. Cleaning up someone else's mess is never fun -- but the kudos will be nice. Oh, and the cash won't hurt, either. (See what We mean? Zzzzzzzzzzz….)


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




what wouldja do for a cowgrass bar?)