When I start extracting those molars, you girls’ll be screaming like Holy Rollers

Greetings, Elated Relations Inflate Congregation---


Here is your horoscope for Monday, June 07, 2010 (Happy belated birthday to Bill, who turned twenty-four over the weekend. And happy belated D-Day, to all Our friends who stutter.):


(Yes, indeed, We ARE funny first thing in the morning. It’s a good thing We sleep alone.)


(Speaking of people who SHOULD sleep alone, you may have heard by now that Rush Limbaugh spent the weekend upholding The Sanctity Of Marriage by getting married for the FOURTH time to some fame-seeking cr@ck-wh0re half his age. It seems We may have finally figgered out why these morons want to deny marriage equality to the rest of Us…perhaps it’s simply that they believe there are only a finite number of marriages to go around, and how can someone like Mister Limbaugh have his sacred FOURTH if they start allowing a whole bunch of extra people who were never allowed before to have ONE? On the other hand, shouldn’t this all be a moot point? Didn’t this particular douchenozzle promise to move to Costa Rica when health care reform passed? Isn’t he gone yet?)


(Meanwhile, closer to home, the result of Friday’s episode of Drill, Baby, Drill (and parenthetically, shouldn’t any jackass who ever chanted “drill, baby, drill” currently be in the Gulf of Mexico, oh, I don’t know, ACCOMPLISHING something?) was the complete removal of the façade of the house next door. (Turns out, it was actually a wigwam all along. (Heh…see what We did there?)) Today, apparently, they are starting to put it back. This appears to involve a great deal more pounding than drilling. We, meanwhile, have a dentist appointment later.)


(That was actually less a non sequitur and more of a nun sequitur. Let’s just call it Sister Mary Sequitur.)


(In other news, We finished watching the second season of Damages this weekend. Damages, for those who are unaware, stars Glenn Close and is about lawyers. We felt dirtier after looking at a season of that than We felt after looking at a season of The Sopranos. Which, for those who are unaware (don’t you people ever get out?), starred James Gandolfini and was about the mob.)

(In still other news, you may have heard of the g@y McDonald's ad currently airing in France, with the theme "Come as you are".  Here, by way of parody, is this, which is Le Work-Safe:

)




(Our Our-O-Scope.)


There's nothing about your behavior at the moment that can be described as even remotely normal. (And this makes today different from any other day HOW exactly?)


Fortunately, you're going to love every minute of it. (Mmm-hmm. ‘Cause there’s nothing like a trip to the dentist to make ya love stuff.)


If anyone actually has the nerve to ask what's up, there's only one thing to say: You're exploring with your inner child -- and loving every minute! (Our inner child is, apparently, a Mongoloid idiot.)


You're not in the mood to forgive or forget (However, We’ve got hankerin’ to foreskin.)


(Heh. We just put that in there to see if OurShaun was awake. (Hi, Shaun!))


-- as your current companion has been made aware. (We may, on the other hand, have neglected to mention it to Our crumpet curmudgeon And Our carpet competition is totally out of the loop.)


(What do We want? NONsense! When do We want it? Nine!)


No pouting, and no fair getting even at a later date. (Also, no petting, and no fair grouting, even if your daughter’s late. (Hmmm….suddenly, We took a not-entirely-unexpected turn for the wurst.))


You're about to learn the true meaning of the expression 'wired for sound.' (Well, good. Because We do so love learning things.)


You'll be excited, amped and running on high. (Which is all well and good, until you picture it in the dentist’s chair.)


Fortunately, your new fans will really appreciate it. (Wait…We have FANS?!?)






(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




4 out of 5 dentists recommend cowgrass to their patients who chew grass)