It’s a lovely day for drinking and for watching people die

Greetings, Enjoy Rewinding Infinite Cassette---


(Our younger readers (i.e. the pre-twenty-four-year-old set), Fluffy, and Binky, and Shaniqua, et. al., are all like, “What the fu(k is a “cassette”…oh, look! Sparkles!” (We can’t even imagine how they’re processing Archie and Jughead.))


(Micro$oft Weird™, meanwhile, is processing it by pretending that “Jughead” isn’t a word. This is NOT the day to fu(k with Us, Micro$oft Weird™.)


Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, June 16, 2010 (Happy Anniversary to Our Sistah Ovella and her husband, Teddy-Jay. And Happy Hump Day to the rest of all y’all. We Our Own Self Personally are in a Foul Humor today, so Happy Foul Humor Day to Us. (Don’t even THINK about using that as an excuse to tell chicken jokes. We are in full control of Our homonyms, ThankYouVeryMuch. In fact, Our homonyms are wearing control-top pantyhose. And We have them listed alphabetically in a homonymnal, so everybody can sing along. As the medieval torturer said to the recent castrati, “Follow the bouncing balls!”)):


(Nothing like a little castrati joke to cheer Us right on up.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


This particular astrological time period should come with a mandatory warning label to be worn by the temporary purveyor of said energy until the effects have passed. (Wow. Look at all those words. All in a row. With the occasional verb thrown in to help them masquerade as a sentence. Good thing they don’t actually mean anything, or there’d be hell’s toupee.)


What might that label read? (Do not remove under penalty of law. Close cover before striking. Slippery when wet. Objects in the rearview mirror may be closer than they appear.)


'For your own safety, avoid irritating me -- and if you do, hide the scissors.' (Okay, enough with the castrati jokes. This is as cheered up as We’re gonna get.)


Find something to do with all that red-hot energy you'll be carting around. (With all this castration, We went and had Ourself a purse made out of scrotums (scroti? (Micro$oft Weird™ suggests “scrota”. Do We trust Micro$oft Weird™ with Our ballsacs? We don’t think so.)). So, if We’re “carting” anything “around”, it’ll be in Our bag. (We would’ve called it a “clutch”, but all the bois’ legs were already crossed.))


Make sure it's physical. (Let me hear your body talk, your body talk. (Our body says, “Fu(k you.”))


You can quite literally get anyone to join your team, (Paging Johnny Depp…Johnny Depp to the white courtesy phone…)


see your point (It’s on Our head. Next to the hole.)


or donate to your cause. (Or donuts to your case. (Ooops…We said “nuts” again.))


All you have to do is show up, speak and smile pretty. (Shouldn’t “carry a big d1ck” be in there somewhere? (We DID just mention Johnny Depp.))


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




time to make the cowgrass)