What's the name of the game? Does it mean anything to you?

Greetings, Equestrienne Redecorates Irish Corral---


Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, June 02, 2010 (Some WorldWideInterNetzian newb referred to today as “Hump Day”. The only people for whom this is Hump Day are those poor unfortunate souls who did not have Monday off. Like OurMizDonna (Hi, OurMizDonna!). Or people in other countries. Like OurLex and OurShaun. (Hi, OurLex and OurShaun!) Or, We presume, people who are actually humping. Like…oh, did you think We were actually going to name names? Mmm-hmm. We looked at Our calendar for yesterday. It did not say, “Be born”.):


(In other news, you will no doubt surmise that We had a little difficulty choosing an Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Nom De Plume Claire Bloom Romper Room today, so We just threw a bunch of cr@p at the wall to see what stuck. In fact, We have precious little content at all today, so We are just going to claim to taste great and be less filling and see who bites.)


(Crickets chirping.)


(We have been sparing you epic tomes describing Our dreams of late, which are virtually Dickensian (especially if We were (subjunctively) being paid by the snore). But We did just want to mention that, in last night’s opus, We were at a racetrack with Johnny Depp. (To clarify, We mean a horseracetrack, where they have horseracism, not a carracetrack, where they (presumably) have carracism. (Actually, that clarifies absolutely nothing, as, in real life, We have been to neither.)) We had Our phone with Us. And, before you say, “Of course You did; why would You even mention it?”, We don’t mean Our cell phone, We mean an old-fashioned standard desk set phone. Granted, it was push-button, not rotary, but still. Also, it was beige.)


(Crickets chirping to their psychiatrists.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


You just won't settle for anything less than uncontested victory, (And why should We? We are, after all, Us. (Hi, Ovella!))


whether it's a job, (Jigga WHUT?)


a lover (Jigga HOO?)


or the very last word in an argument. (Zyrtec™. (Gesundheit. (Thank you.)))


(Heh. See what We did there? The degrees of The Funny in here are so layered, and also so vast…it’s like playing Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon, and getting to see his d1ck the whole time. (If you have no idea what We’re talking about, We’ll wait while you go watch relevant excerpts from Wild Things.))


Just make sure there are no sharp, dangerous or mechanical objects in the vicinity before you begin bludgeoning your point into your opponent's argument -- sweetly, of course. (Where the h3ll’s the fun in THAT?)


It's best to keep quiet about that deep, dark secret you've been dying to confide -- just for now. (At least until the end of Friday’s episode….dunn-DUNNN-dunnnnn…)


You may not have the information you need to make a decision. (And yet, that has never stopped Us before.)


Sharpen up your pencils and make sure you've got lots of legal pads handy. (Just three sentences ago, you were telling Us to make sure We DIDN’T have any sharp objects about. Make up yo’ d@mn mind, bee-yotch!)


Taking care of business (And working overtime…work out! (Just a little Bachman Turner Overdrive to perk up your morning. (That song plays just a little too frequently to be random at Our Ack-A-Me…does it contain some subliminal “buy more groceries” message of which We are unaware? (You can see why We find Our world a fascinating place, and…oh, look; a balloon!))))


is the name of the game (What exactly ABBA has to do with Bachman Turner Overdrive, We haven’t got any idea.)


-- and you're ready to play. (It’s all fun and games until someone loses an iPod.)


(Heh. We are ten of the funniest people you know. (How sad for you.))


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




ask Ethel Merman you happen to see…what’s the best tuner? Cowgrass fricassee.)