Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

Greetings, Ethelred’s Ready, Ivan’s Catastrophic---


(Look at Us, plumbing the depths of Our historical knowledge. But you know what They say: those who cannot dismember history are doomed to defeat it. (Why do They say that? It doesn’t even make any sense. Who ARE these people, and why does anyone let them talk, let alone listen to Them?))


Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, June 29, 2010 (Happy What-Would-Be-Our-Monday, if We had (subjunctively) such a thing as a work week. We were travelling yesterday. On the AmCrack. There was a blind man with a seeing eye dog, and a Jewish couple in their 90s (or possibly hundreds), and an artist carrying a paintbox and an easel and actually wearing a beret. We felt like an extra in an Irwin Allen disaster movie. Fortunately, We made it across the Susquehanna Bridge without incident. Tell Manny to give this to Our grandson.):


(Micro$oft Weird™ wants Us, for some reason, to capitalize the “Seeing Eye” in “Seeing Eye dog”. We cannot possibly get interested enough to investigate why.)


(We did, however, bestir Our fat @ss in an effort to illustrate “Susquehanna Bridge” with a suitably impressive pixture, which you can see here: http://www.historicbridges.org/pennsylvania/philadelphia_reading_rr/index.htm . (Every so often, We like to throw Our geek friends a bone. ‘Cause, seriously…geeks with boners? HAWTT!))


(We would ask if you missed Us, but We suspect you did not even realize We were gone. Sigh. This all had such grand potential when it started. Now it’s just more f@rts in the wind.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


Impatient? (Really, Bee-Yotch? REALLY? You STILL haven’t read that Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulism) For Dumbasses book We sent you? Page One: the Aries Prayer: “God grant Us patience, RIGHT the fu(k NOW!”)


That's one way to put it. (You could also put in your thumb and pull out a plum, but We are trying so desperately to raise the cultural tone around here. (How the fu(k are We doin’?))


Of course, describing your current mood as volatile, explosive and extremely dangerous would work, too. (Why didn’t you just say that in the first place? @sshat.)


Does this mean you need to avoid any and all human contact? (What about human contact lenses? Did We mention that We have an eye appointment later? (Or perhaps Micro$oft Word™ would prefer that We say “Eye Appointment”. Because, if Micro$oft Word™ were (subjunctively) in junior high school, you would want to give it a wedgie.))


No. (Who let the Republiklans in here? (Speaking (but only peripherally) of politics, We would like to be as excited as We should be about another Obama appointment to the Supreme Court, except that that woman looks exactly like the most frightening boss We (or anyone else, for that matter) ever had.))


Only the ones you want to keep around for a while. (Aw. Now We’ve lost the thread. And it was clearly such an interesting one.)


You've had it with the supposed virtue of allowing each other to speak your minds. (Who is this “each other” of whom you speak? There’s only The Royal We, Ourself, and Us here. (This clearly ain’t yo’ Gramma’s grammar. (Whether it is Kelsey Grammer’s Gramma’s grammar remains to be seen.)))


You're thinking that a touch of reticence might be nice. (We think We have some in Our reticule. Lettuce just put a dab behind each ear, then We’ll scr3w each other on the fainting couch till We need Our smelling salts.)


You might be right. (You’re just NOW figgering that out?!?)


If you're even a teeny bit angry and you stand even the slightest chance of seeing the person who's inspired that fire, do yourself a favor. (Kill ‘em all and let G0d sort ‘em out?)


Call in sick. (We have no one to call. (Is it wrong that We’re still kind of glad about that?))


That pat on the back you've been waiting for? (Some people mix up their lefts and rights. Apparently, Kelli mixes up her backs and fronts.)


You won't have to wait much longer. (And We have no idea how to wait much shorter.)


The next sound you sound you hear will be a very hearty 'congratulations!' (No doubt because some well-meaning jackass mistakes Our enormosity for a pregnancy.)


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




what becomes a cowgrass most?)