She came in through the bathroom window

(Clearly, We are having a caption contest…)


Greetings, Egregious Registrar’s Ingenious Congeniality---


Here is your horoscope for Thursday, June 03, 2010 (Before We even begin, We must just tell you that We happened upon a photograph of Paul McCartney being given some award or another by President Obama. Paul McCartney looks for all the world like Judi Dench with no lipstick on. Wuzzup wit DAT?):


(Today’s pet peeve: (“pet peeve” is an odd phrase, no? It would appear to mean either that One has a pet who is peevish, or, conversely, that One has a pet who is a peeve, whom One may or may not be petting (but probably not heavily (heh)). Because it is an ENGLISH phrase, however, it means neither of those things. (Just think, if We were (subjunctively) a lot of Chinamen, We wouldn’t know WHAT the fu(k We were talking about)) …sorry; We digressed. (Debbil with a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress, debbil with a blue dress on). Ooops…now We’ve bigressed. (That means We’ve digressed twice. (Once with each gender.)))


(Let’s just start all over again, shall We? Today’s pet peeve: people who defriend One on SitOnMyFaceBook without One knowing why. “Well, I’ll show HIM!” they no doubt chuckle as they click whatever clicky thing has to be clicked to accomplish defriendification. Well, no, @ssmunch; no, you won’t. Because if you defriend Us, and We have no idea why, all you have “shown Us” is that you are a delusional @sshole with imaginary issues and too much time on your hands.)


(Now who dares Us to go post this on the SitOnMyFaceBook pages of three people who have defriended Us lately?)


(Also, Dear Micro$oft Weird™: get with the fu(king new millennial program: “defriend” is so too a word. KThxBye.)


(In other news, Our Neighbor Who Plays The Drums has begun some lesbionic home improvement project involving, apparently, drills or jackhammers or hydrogen bombs or some other such butch, noisy gizmos. You would think that, since he seems to be aware that playing the drums prior to eleven AM is rude, he would be able to extrapolate that one should not begin drilling or jackhammering or hydrogen bombing at EIGHT O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING. You would be wrong.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


It's time to take a look back over your entire life (Oh, dear lord Jeebus! Who has that much time on their hands?)


and to think about the people and incidents which hurt you. (Mmm-hmm. THEN We’re gonna go Sit On Their FaceBook.)


Where do you have a wound that hasn't healed? (Our stigmata…let Us show them to you.)


If you're one of the Aries who's done a lot of work on yourself, (Is that the same as having work done? And, if not, why not?)


(We just started singing “Joan Rivers” to the tune of Moon River, but We didn’t get very far. (Just thought We’d Cher.))


then rejoice and be glad. (It will be difficult to rejoice, considering We’re pretty sure We never got a chance to joice in the first place.)


The chances are that you've actually released a lot of the toxins that being hurt causes. (Hey, you say “released a lot of the toxins”, We say, “f@rt joke”. Potato, po-TAH-to, medulla oblongata, let’s call the whole thing awful.)


However, also be aware, (Also, be a clown.)


now is the perfect time to make peace with your past. (And to make pizza with your pastor. Because nothin’ says “lovin’” like somethin’ from the oven, so bend over and get undressed.)


(WHAT? It was a COMMERCIAL JINGLE, people. It’s not like We made it up or something.)


Talk through what you can with the people you need to or who can help you. (Wow. Way to be vague, Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist).)






(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




easy, sleazy, beautiful cowgrass girl)