Greetings, Enterprising Renter Inflates Condom-inium---
Here is your horoscope for Monday, June 14, 2010 (Happy Fag Day, y’all! (What? Oh. Never mind.)):
(OhMyDearz, what a busy, active, jam-packed, fun-filled weekend We’ve had! Why, We barely even know where to start.)
(Our Our-O-Scope.)
(Heh. That was a little humor there.)
(Here is a little story about Hollywood. (Parenthetically (hence the parentheses), We wish We could find an article that We read around the finale of Lost, which was all about how the movies have become so dumbed-down that people are deserting them for serial (mostly cable) television.):
(Once upon a time, Hollywood accidentally gave an Oscar™ to Some Ugly Guy for appearing in some Holocaust movie. Because there can never be enough of THOSE, ya know; they’re practically The New Western. Said Ugly Guy thus continued to hang about Hollywood, accumulating, according to Wikipedia, a resume of roles he was considered for but did not play. He did not, for instance, play Spock in the latest Star Trek Wars, nor did he play the Joker in the latest Batman. He did, however, get cast as one of the titular (heh…We love that word) brothers in The Brothers Bloom, which has been lying about Our living room waiting to be seen for months now. (You will have guessed, from the plural “Brothers” that there were more than one. There were two, in fact. The second one was less ugly. But more potato-like. (We are avoiding using their names in the hope that, if We don’t name them, they’ll go away.) The female love interest? Had Asperger’s syndrome. (The character, not (presumably) the actress.) Because THAT’S hot. ) Fifteen minutes into the thing, We were able to predict the entire rest of the movie. We did not, however, WATCH the entire rest of the movie, as We turned it off when the leading “lady” was forced to utter something akin to the following: “You are constipated in your fu(king soul.” And the Oscar™ for Best Screenplay goes to…)
(In other cultural news, We dropped by the Tony™s briefly last night. Because We? Are g@y. (Not that there’s any evidence of that.) We were forced to turn THAT off when Catherine Zeta-Jones, who We were unaware had a speech impediment, took a hatchet to Send in the Clowns. She sang it much as though she were (subjunctively) Patti LuPone. Singing The Star-Spangled Banner. On the deck of the Titanic. As if her being the twin that had the Toni™ depended on it. Gad!)
It will be all too easy for you to get exactly what you want -- and to give your dear ones exactly what they want, too. (Mmm-hmm. Unicorns farting cinnamon-scented rainbows all around! And an extra-well-hung unicorn for Catherine-the-Great-a-Zeta-Jones! (Has it really been an entire month since We’ve done a Catherine the Great joke? (Come on and blow Gabriel, blow!))
(That was a Patti LuPone callback joke, combined with a very suBtle punctuation joke. And if ya think THAT’S funny, you should hear Our knock-knock joke about knockers.)
Does this mean you'll be in a Santa frame of mind? (That depends…is “sliding down the chimney” a euphemism?)
Maybe. (She sees Us when We’re sleeping, she knows when We’re awake…)
Who cares when the goodies arrive, as long as they arrive? (I saw Goodies Arrive with the Devil.)
(That was a little Creussical: The Musical joke. For the Arthur Miller fans in the house.)
It's not your imagination. (So We were just imagining that it was Our imagination?)
You're due for some recognition -- and for that, it's definitely about time. (Is that recognition accompanied by remuneration? ‘Cause seriously, folks…)
Have that meeting with the powers that be as soon as possible. (We’ll get right on that.)
They want to help. (Mmm-hmm. Folks can’t even answer Our emails, and We’re expected to believe somebody wants to help Us.)
All you have to do is show up with yet another brilliant idea. (Drive-thru wh0rehouse.)
(What? BRILLLLLLLLiant!)
(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:
http://www.humorscope.com
which twin has the cowgrass?)
No comments:
Post a Comment