Allons enfants de la Patrie, le jour de gloire est arrive!

Greetings, English Restaurant Introduces Crumpets---


Here is your horoscope for Friday, May 28, 2010 (Happy Weekend to Juan Anne Dahl! We are told it’s a holiday weekend, so y’all won’t be workin’ Monday. Us neither. We will, however, be working today, writing an application for the WaitStaff to appear in the Wilmington Fringe Festival. (For Our far-flung, forever-young, well-hung readers (including William Hung (y’all didn’t even know We knew who that was, didja? We got Our finger on the pulse, Bay-Bee!)), that’s Wilmington, DELAWARE. Wilmington being one o’ them city names that pops up in d@mn near every state. Much like Springfield, which may actually occur in all fifty states. H3ll, even Philadelphia happens in Mississippi. (One types “Mississippi” so rarely…do all y’all spell it out as you type it, too? (Oh, YOU know what We’re talkin’ about…”em-eye-ESS-ESS-eye-ESS-ESS-eye-PEE-PEE-eye”. (Heh. We said “pee-pee”.))))):


(Jeebus Cripes, geography is boring! In other news, speaking of the far-flung, forever-young, and well-hung, We spoke to one of ‘em on the phone last night (now, of course, We can’t say who, as he might be embarrassed (people often don’t like others to know the extent to which they’ve been flung)). Shortly thereafter, We noticed that his SitOnMyFaceBook status said something about “French homework”. First of all, obviously, all y’all are jealous that someone of Our advanced years actually speaks to people who still have homework. That, for those who have always wondered, is what keeps Us young. Or regular. One of those. At any rate, that’s not why We brought that up. We were intrigued by the concept of “French homework”, and wondered just what exactly it could be. Eat a croissant? Contemplate One’s f0reskin? Scr3w somebody on the bidet? Ovella, help Us out here.)


(Having already mentioned the WaitStaff, We would be remiss not to tell you that Our Fringe show is entitled The Real Housewives Of South Philly. And We would be SwissMiss not to tell you that first, We will be doing Christmas in July: A Surprise Birthday Party For Jesus, both at World Café Live and at L’Etage. (That second show We mentioned will be in July. Stay tuned for further details.))


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


Oh, there's just no stopping you now. (How many people just sang “Ain’t no stoppin’ Us now?” (How many of you sang the French national anthem, just to be contrary? (Do We have the funniest friends, or what? (See? Y’all said “or what?”, thus proving Our point.)))


(Our comedies…see how complexicated they are.)


No one will want to, and you won't have even the slightest inclination to do it for yourself. (Because sistahs are doin’ it fo’ theyselves. (Don’t fight the funk, people.))


That said, you should probably be on guard against being excessive. (If We’ve told you once, We’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate.)


You should -- but you won't be. (Clearly, this sentence refers back to something Kelli said earlier. As though We had committed her pathetic brain poots to memory or something. (“Poots”, of course was a reference to Our discussion of yesterday. Because We remember the pearls We cast before the swine.))


Better take tomorrow off right now. (Okey-dokey-artichokey.)


Anyone who comes across as bold, brazen or less likely than most to buckle under extraordinary pressure will absolutely capture your attention. (Especially if they are an article.)


(We shall pause here, while those who went to Catholic school stop laughing.)


That, and your libido. (Okay, sentences? Have verbs.)


(Heh. See what We did there?)


It's time to stop putting energy into those little things that have kept you and a coworker from being mutually productive. (We were desperately hoping that “mutually productive” wasn’t one o’ them euphemism thingies, until We realized it makes no difference, because We no longer have coworkers.)


You're on the same team. (And there’s no “I” in team. There’s also no “I” in @sshole. So if some @sshole tells you there’s no “I” in team, tell him, “No, but there’s a number of ‘em in “Mississippi”… em-eye-ESS-ESS-eye-ESS-ESS-eye-PEE-PEE-eye!”)


(Heh. We said “pee-pee” again.)






(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




Snap! Crackle! Pop! Rice cowgrass)