Shirley, Shirley, Bo Birley, Banana Fana Fo Firley

Greetings, Ethiopians Retroactively Impeach Chimpanzee---


Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, May 19, 2010 (Today’s Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Georges Pompidou Madame Pompadour Pomp et Circumstance is clearly from the We Will Do Anything For A Laugh Department. We will give you three more chances to see just exactly how We got Ourselves into this particular picklish predicament: tonight and Thursday, May 19th and 20th at 8PM or Sunday, May 23rd, at 7PM at L'Etage Cabaret at 6th and Bainbridge Streets. The Mother Of All Sketch Comedy Shows. You can get tickets here. NOW. (Here’s a hint: it involves Tennessee Williams, and an orangutan. Because We? Do classy sketch comedy.))


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


Your great energy (Have We met?)


inspires you to try some new physical activity, (Let’s get physical, physical…)


be it exercise, play or something creative. (How do you spell “horizontal mambo”? (Actually, the phrase “how do you spell…” doesn’t work so well in writing, because by the time you’re asked to answer the question, We’ve already shown you how We spell whatever it is, and, presumably, We have spelled it correctly. So, like most human endeavor, asking said question in writing is utterly futile. Sigh.))


It’s a great time to work toward better fitness, if that appeals to you. (Oh, silly Us! Here We were, working Our way toward better FATness. In fact, We venture to say We have worked Our way to the BEST fatness. (“Fatness” is a peculiar word, no? We were all prepared for Micro$oft Weird™ to deny its very wordiness. Until We remembered the Fat Ness Monster. AKA Kirstie Alley.))


It’s just one of those crazy days (It is, isn’t it? In fact, it’s like the whole d@mn week went off its meds.)


— the kind when anything can happen! (Except never to Us.)


You’re always game for the unexpected, (There’s just nothing like a good Spanish Inquisition. (Actually, their omelettes aren’t bad, either.))


especially if it involves some thrills, (Also, frills, pills, and espadrilles.)


(What?)


and you can smell the excitement in the air when you wake up. (I love the smell of Maypo™ in the morning. (That, of course, is the famous quote from the fillum Apocalypse Now. It is unclear to Us why he said “Maypo™”, although he is obviously not the sort of character to be enamored of Cream of Wheat™. Always after me Lucky Charms™; they’re plastically suspicious.))


Following your bliss has never really been a problem — for you, anyway. (Hey, who p1ssed on Our bliss?)


Still, how do you identify the right bliss to follow? (Wait…there’s more than one?)


The right answer could clear up a whole bunch of troublesome romantic puzzles. (Jigsaw or crossword? (There’s actually a pretty funny joke in there, but setting it up would be positively exhausting. So We’re gonna pass. Because what have YOU done for US lately?))


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




I am a cowgrass banana, and I’m here to say, I am the best banana in the world today)