Till some button-pushin’ cowboy played that love song

Greetings, Energetic Rapist Impregnates Cheetah---


Here is your horoscope for Friday, May 14, 2010 (We would like to point out that We have been very kindly sparing you long drawn-out descriptions of Our dreams of late, which have been complexicated and overplotted to say the least. We should just mention, however, that during last night’s opus, which involved some sort of corporate intrigue in an office setting, We were transferring data from one computer to another for some dire reason of vital necessity to the realm. And clutched in Our very paws was the medium for said transfer: a vinyl 33 1/3 LP record. To Our credit, We did not wake up immediately upon noting the absurdity of same. We did, however, fast-forward through the plot past the point at which We attempted to shove said record album into some computerian orifice.):


(It is clearly not easy being Us.)


(Today’s Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Petit Pois Bon Soir Franchot Tone (Franchot Tone?!? How does He THINK of these things?) is, of course, Jesus and his mom, Mrs. Mary MotherOfGod, in the WaitStaff Christmas show. They will be making a return appearance in the upcoming show, The Mother Of All Sketch Comedy Shows, on Sundays, May 16th and 23rd, at 7PM, and Wednesday and Thursday, May 19th and 20that 8PM at L’Etage Cabaret at 6th and Bainbridge Streets. You can get tickets here. NOW.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


Try to avoid the tiny details today — though that may be easier said than done. (We are now trying, naturally, to think of something that would NOT be easier said than done. Specifically, something that would be easier DONE than SAID. For some reason, We keep thinking Franchot Tone.)


Your mind is on the big picture right now, and for good reason. (Is it the big picture that matches the couch?)


Let others take care of paying the bills for a while! (Did We find Ourseff a SugarBaby while We weren’t looking? (A SugarBaby, for you newbs in da house, is like a SugarDaddy, except young and cute.))


Someone is sending you clear signals right now, and try as you might, it’s impossible to deny what’s going on here. (Yes, ladies and genitals, it’s The Decline And Fall Of Western Civilization As We Know It.)


You’re definitely receiving a romantic love vibe, (Oh. We thought that was gas.)


and you may not quite be sure what to do about it. (That’s not true. We hear it’s like riding a bicycle. With the seat taken off.)


Go ahead and enjoy the positive attention — it’s always nice to feel wanted. (We’ll just sit here and hold Our breath.)


You may not exactly be on fire this morning, (Especially considering that it’s already this afternoon.)


so give yourself a little extra time to heat up. (Will do, mildew. Roger Wilco, Sergeant Bilko. (What the fu(k are We talking about?))


By late this afternoon, not to mention this evening, you’re likely to be generating some serious heat. (Obviously, you have not perused Our schedule recently. We have no time for hot flashes until next week.)


(Happy Weekend! (How many of you will We see on Sunday?))


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




cowgrass)