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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Goldfingerbangin’ my heart

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  ToozDee, Febraury 26, 2013.  Happy Birthday to Doug, who turned twenty-four today.  Also, Happy Birthday to Walter, who also turned twenty-four today.  God’ll get you for that, Walter.

Today’s e-pissode mainly exists because yesterday’s e-pissode was unable to be fully indexed, as Bloggonia only allows 200 characters worth of indexing per e-ntry.  We had rehearsal at 10:30 this morning (We *KNOW*!), but We still felt compelled to come and rectumfy this shortcoming.  If you have not already read Our review of the Oscars™, kindly go and do so here:  If you HAVE already read it, read it again; it’s funnier the second time.  Trust Us.

In other news, prior to Sunday’s Oscars™, We finished the season finale of Weeds.   As you may or may not know, Elizabeth Perkins left that series in its fourth or fifth season, and subsequently became Elizabeth McGovern, who is now on Downton Abbey.  Our mind is a terrible thing to waste, and also eats paste.

Speaking of a thrill just to be nominated, We have released Our new Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope video for Pisces, which see above.  Here is the link with which you would share same with your friends, both Piscean and otherwise: .

Since there was no Our-O-Scope yesterday, here is one today:

Can you handle the responsibility of tackling your basic needs first and foremost? (No.)

(So?  What are you going to do about it?)

It may get dull, (Ya think?)

but sometimes you need to push through the boredom to get to somewhere much better!  (With Our luck, We shall push through the boredom and wind up in a cesspool of ennui.)

Right now, you finally have all the resources and energy you need to push things out of the ‘planning’ stage and into the ‘happening’ stage — so what are you waiting for?  (For somebody to invent the word “plappening”.  Because how cool would THAT be?)

Today is a very good time to initiate projects, especially ones that involve legal documents or proceedings.  (If We’re going to initiate something, could it be pledges at a frat house?  Pretty please?)

Starting a new business relationship?   (Yeah.  We thought We’d go over to Broad Street and fuck the Jiffy Lube.)

(WHAT did she say???)

Finalize the details today. (Also, simonize the entrails.)

Everyone has the same goals in mind, and is ready to formalize things so that everyone can start moving forward.  (Ev’rybody’s doo-ooin’ a brand new dance now…c’mon, baby, do the locomotion…)


Your energy and excitement make you one hot number right now, (Sixty-nine?)

so get out and do something you’re enthusiastic about. (Yep…sixty-nine.)

It’s when you’re having this much fun — and looking this good — that romance tends to sneak up on you.  (Oh, well…as long as We’re having THIS much fun, and looking THIS good…fucking romance’ll probably sneak up on Us, and We’ll shit Ourself.)


(Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.