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Friday, February 1, 2013

This boy is a bottom

Hello, Ducks!

(How gay is Donald Duck?)

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  FriDay Friseé  FritoLay™ Frijole Fabergé Fifi D’Orsay…well, apparently no one is going to slap Us so We stop, so We shall have to stop Our Own Self.  Gob stoppers those who stopper theyselves, and all that.  Happy February Oneth to Oneth And All.  Unlike last year, this year February has a mere twenty-eight days, therefore, theoretically, if We made it through January, We should be able to make it through February even faster.

Math is hard.

Happy Birthday in advance to Christine, who turns twenty-four tomorrow somewhere in suburbia.

Meanwhile, We were updating Our SitOnOurFaceBook page yesterday, when all of a sudden this happened:  So go and add a caption, already.

In other news, Gentle Readers, We are here, amongst other reasons, to make YouPeople feel that your lives are better by comparison.  We are NOT here for you to stick random pins into Us when the spirit moves you.  Lettuce illustrate…Our Google-O-Meter™ keeps Us informed of many fascinating statistics concerning these hallowed pages.  For instance, We first referenced The Lovely And Talented Willam Belli herein on February 5, 2010, and have, according to Our index, referenced him an additional twenty-eight times (that’s nine times more than Shakespeare, for those of you keeping count.  Because We?  Are a big ol’ name-dropping name-dropper who drops name like a big ol’ name-dropping name-dropper with a name-dropping problem). In addition to dropping his name, We have embedded any number of his videos herein, including but not limited to the trailers for Tranny McGuyver and Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives, as well as the music videos for The Vagina Song and Chow Down At Chik-Fil-A.

(Here, to break up the enormousness of this ranty-rant paragraph, is his latest music video, Boy Is A Bottom.  (If you need Us to tell you that this is NOT safe for work, you need more help than this little ass(tromalogical) ho(roscopulist) can give you)):

At any rate, Our point is…well, it wouldn’t be very nice to continue to Our point, which, as near as We can tell, We’ve already made.  KThxBye.

(Did anyone come up with an answer for “How gay is Donald Duck?” yet?  Do We have to do EVERYTHING Ourself???)

Meanwhile, if you are at work and would like a SAFE for work video, here is this, in which The Muppets spoof Downton Abbey. (We cannot help but think, however, that the thing would have been vastly better with the real Maggie Smith and the Muppet butler.):

Here is a little Aquarius fillum, for Our birthday Aquarians:

And here are the HorrorScopes:

Yesterday was Justin Timberlake and Carol Channing’s birthday; today is Lisa Marie Presley and Pauly Shore’s birthday.  Yesterday wins.

Try not to get all worked up over your new idea or plan — things need to settle down in your life before you can do your own thing. (So who else’s thing should We do until then?)

It’s far better to help those around you with group plans.  (You say “group plans”, We say “orgy”.  Po-tay-to, po-tah-to, syphilis, gonorrhea, let’s call the hole the Holland Tunnel.)

(There’s just nothing like a Gershwin tune, is there?)

 Without realizing how or when it happened, (Wha’ happened?)

you may find yourself smack dab in the middle of another conflict today. (Once you’ve had smack, you’ll never smoke crack.  Also, a little dab’ll do ya.)


But all you need to do is call upon your highly sophisticated mediation skills (Ah, yes.  The old “highly sophisticated mediation skills” trick.)

and you will navigate these potentially stormy waters without any difficulty.  (Except, perhaps, for the difficulty We have believing that.)

Your smile can make peace.  (Lord, make Us an instrument of Your peace.  Preferably a big ol’ organ.  Just sayin’.)

What you should always remember is that people want to be liked. (Also, the Alamo.)

Try to keep everyone cheerful  (Even Bashful, Grumpy, and Dopey?)

and delegate responsibility to the people who really deserve it.  (Deserve what?)

 Issues concerning partnerships versus independence may be arising for you now, and it may well be a grass-is-greener situation.  (Oh, please.  We haven’t had grass in years.)

Concentrate on appreciating the good aspects of what you’ve got.  (Okay, that?  Sounds like A LOT of work.)

(But seriously, how gay is Donald Duck?)

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.