Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for WinesDay, December 4nd, 2013. Happy Birthday to Our Sistah Ovella, who
turns twenty-four today over in Camden, New Jersey. Where they made up “soup in a can”. And not a moment too soon, neither, as people
were getting real tired of the previous concept, “pocketfuls of soup”.
We were about to point out, all excitedly, Our newly-learned fact that
Our Sistah Ovella shares a birthday with Wink Martindale. Turns out, We had newly-learned that
self-same fact last year, and
apparently, promptly forgot it.
Sometimes it seems as though Our senility has Alzheimer’s disease.
You put your brain cells in, you put your brain cells out, you put your
brain cells in, and you shake ‘em all about.
You do the…
What’s that dance called again?
In other news, Happy Hump
Day to the rest of all y’all. This would
be the portion of Our program where We remind you that all the excitement of Picturing
Blair In The Buff Week continues apace.
We are somewhat chagrinned that this is Our third such audience
recognition event (the first, of course, having been Picturing Allen And Kevin
Naked Week, and the second, Picturing Bryan’s Birthday Suit Week (We’re fairly
certain Bryan still has no idea that happened)), and We have yet to receive so
much as one picture of any of Our honorees’ junk. Where’s all this damn sexting these kidz are
supposed to be doing? Also, get off Our
lawn!
Moving on, We have been perusing the
avalanche of entries over at Holidailies™ (http://www.holidailies.org/ ). Holidailies™, in
case you have been nakedly skimming, is a portal/porthole/piehole where a
gaggle/bevy/murder of bloggers all commit to posting daily blog entries for the
entire month of December. Said entries are listed in the order in which
they were posted, accompanied by a short excerpt or summary. For which,
quite frankly, Thank Gawd, because said excerpts or summaries have allowed Us
and Our short attention span to pick and choose, as We could not possibly read
every contribution.
Turns
out, these Holidaily™ people? Write Things That Have A Point. Which
would, at first blush, seem to make Us a whore of another color.
Long-time Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! readers, however, will recall that We DO have
an overall point, which is to make YouPeople feel better (or, sometimes, saner)
by comparison.
You’re
welcome.
That
said, We are about to embark on a short screed which (A.) has an actual point
and (2.) is quasi-serious. Also, it has
nothing to do with dick. (You’re
shocked, We can tell.)
Here
We go:
(It
just occurred to Us that it’s Wednesday, and We still haven’t done Sunday’s New York Times crossword puzzle.)
(Sorry.)
So
We have learned, in Our twenty-four years on this little blue globe of Ours,
that people have difficulty coping with unsolicited niceness. And, this being the time of year (supposedly)
when there will be more of said niceness than usual, We thought We’d offer a
little insight.
Now,
We’re not talking about the sort of one-off nicenesses that happen naturally in
the course of everyday life. (Although
We ARE, parenthetically (hence the parentheses), concerned that, while Micro$oft
Weird™ acknowledges the existence of a singular “niceness”, it refuses to allow
for the existence of any MORE “nicenesses”.
Sigh.) Anyone who’s not a
complete barbarian knows that, if someone, say, holds the door for you, you say
“thank you”. If someone buys you coffee
today, you say “thank you” and buy them coffee tomorrow.
(We
just got distracted…when did We start following Jeff Stryker on
SitOnOurFaceBook?)
But
what about an ongoing campaign of niceness involving time and effort on the
part of the nicer? (For the purposes of
this discussion, We shall assume that
the nicer is not incurring any financial expenses in the course of said
campaign, as fiscal inequality is not a wicket into which We wish to stick it.)
(You
did all get that We are now identifying the two people involved in this
transaction as “the nicer (nice-er)” and “the nicee (nice-ee)”, right?)
As
the nicee, you might be unable or unwilling to reciprocate. You might even suspect the nicer of having
(dun-dun-dun) ulterior motives. And you
might even be right.
But guess what? While you are by no means obligated to give
in to whatever the ulterior motives may be, or to reciprocate, or even to say “thank
you” (although that last is stretching a point), you really MUST acknowledge
that a niceness is happening.
Why, you ask?
Because the nicer MIGHT
just be a person who does nice things.
And, if those nice things are not acknowledged, he or she might be just
a little less likely to do them next time.
Which means that, by
failing to at least acknowledge the nice things, you could be cheating some
future recipient out of nicenesses.
Meanie.
Now please note that “acknowledgement”
can consist of (and Our Southern Gentle Readers will understand this best) as
little as the simple phrase “bless your heart”, but still, acknowledgement
there must be.
(Meanwhile, “meanie” isn’t
a word? The hell?!?)
Okay, Our crossword puzzle
is calling. Moving on….
In still other news We are
once again sharing with you Our very most favoritest Starzina’s Time of the Month
Horoscope video (Sagittarius) with
you (see above). Here is the link with
which you may share it with others: http://youtu.be/6f1m5GLfk1Y You’re welcome.
And here’s the HorrorScope…
So, wait…it’s National
Cookie Day? YouPeople never tell Us
anything. (Chord Overstreet told Us. Mmmm...Chord Overstreet...)
You can make a real difference as long as you believe in
yourself (How can We believe in Ourself when We know We’re imaginary?)
— so make sure that you’re giving yourself the
benefit of the doubt (Why is it that the
doubt only ever has one benefit?)
and marching forward toward
your epic destiny! (To say nothing of
Our manifest destiny. (That, for the
non-history-buffs among you, is Our guarantee that We shall end up as wide as a
continent. (And, possibly,
incontinent.)))
The best thing you can do
for yourself today is to get more physically active. (Or win PowerBall™. That’d be okay, too.)
Jog an extra block or so.
Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park extremely far away from your
destination and enjoy the fresh air. (We hate when all of a sudden Kelli starts
speaking in incomprehensible tongues.)
You are capable of doing
more than you think, and today is a wonderful day to push yourself. (Oh, please. Pushing yourself is for people who don’t have
pushers.)
It’s nice to feel the drive
toward success, but sometimes you need to get out and walk. (Wethinks you are, how you say, MixMastering
your metaphors.)
Don’t forget to watch out
for those around you who are just a wee bit shy, who may need a little
encouragement to open up in sweet ways.
(We’ve already told ‘em to sext Us pictures of their junk….what the hell
else are We supposed to do?)
Happy Picturing Blair In
The Buff Week!
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but
better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For
real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good
friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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